Hi bud. It's not easy to admit what has been lost. I'm in the exact same boat and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make the situation better. You are extremely fortunate like myself to have a steady job, good income and a loving partner but still that urge keeps you going back. All I can recommend you do like I have done is find another focus. As weird as it sounds, mine is to be fluent in Spanish by the end of 2020.
Best of luck my gambling amigo!
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