How is gambling so addictive, even when you know you shouldn't do it...

Hi michaelscott92 and welcome to the forum.

You have written that well with a lot of control and thought. That is the sensible side of your mind carrying out a damage limitation exercise as the reality sinks in when you have time to think.

However you have shown all the signs of highly addicted gambling behaviour and this is an addiction that isnt keen to let you go easily.

Youve been gambling for years and it gets into your bones as you get hooked. The results should be a massive wake up call but many people including me kept going back to it

What I will say is you need a born again moment of reaching out for help. You know the reality of what you have done will shock people and the ratio of your debts to earnings will cause you some concern for quite a while.

It can be recovered from but I am worried that you are keeping secrets from your loved ones. I understand your thoughts as we have all been there.

You need financial advice but have to be careful telling the financial world about gambling. Then again they are not daft and they make their own assumptions about cash transactions and card deposits to casinos.

I just want to make you aware that this addiction laughs at willpower alone. If you think you are just going to replace the money and walk in to a smiling girlfriend who never knew...this places a lot of internal stress on you. Its more complex than just writing a spreadsheet or rescheduling plan

Yes  the money has gone and you have to let it go. You will earn it again but lets face reality that that is a large consolidation loan and you need full advice that paying off the debts wont stress you to gamble again.

Its entirely your decision but I would advise you tell someone close that you have had a problem. I understand your fear but you have had a drug addiction for gambling and its a powerful addiction you need to learn about.

I dont want to sound harsh but reality checks are what you need. You do have a good future if you do everything needed for a full recovery.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Michael,

Well done on posting here, you basically sound like you are fully aware you have a problem, which is a great place to start. There are a lot of warning signs in your post though which are typical of any addict (not judging as I am one myself). 

The main one is that you know you have an issue with gambling yet long term you simply cannot stop. You have tried to put checks in place (deposit limits online, taking breaks from gambling) but you know the reality is once you are gambling you are going to lose yet you still continue. 

The second one is secrecy, addiction feeds of secrecy and lies. Its typical for us compulsive gamblers to create lies to convince ourselves why we need to gamble and if things are going to stand in the way of our gambling then we will lie to hide it. You said your girlfriend does not know and "there's no way I can tell her about it", again this is typical behaviour for a CG, we want to keep control of a situation that is out of control. We have dug ourselves a hole and want to fix our own mess but the hole inevitably just gets deeper, if we opened up and asked for help you could get the help you need.  It's also really disrespectful to keep our partners in the dark (imagine if it were the other way around), they are in a relationship with us and have every right to know if we are blowing fortunes gambling but we convince ourselves that we can fix it without their knowledge. 

My advice is to look up your nearest GA meeting, go there with an open mind, don't be judgemental of others and start addressing this problem. Keep posting here on your progress good or bad, I wish you well.

Hi michaelscott92,

If you don’t mind please, my comment is going to be short as I am at work now.

You remind me of myself 3yrs ago, I was 5yrs into gambling at the time and earned just a little more than you at the time. I had lost about £24k over that period and couldn’t let it go, I was ‘chasing sensibly’ just like you are now, then lost another £6k in a short space of time. I couldnt let it all go and then started chasing aggressively, credit rating was still okay at the time. Believe me, I have lost a total of £109k, another £70k plus since 2017, smashed credit rating, entered DMP, been to all lenders out there. I am now 60days gamble-free and I cannot be thankful enough to people posting here, the comments I have been reading here has kept me going in the last 2 months and things are looking a lot brighter, I am now living on the principle of - If I don’t gamble, I don’t lose money and my situation improves, it’s as simple as that. I used to do £100 like you. Please don’t let this addiction take control, it ripped me into pieces, begging for money to feed at one point, frequenting pawn shop, it’s absolute madness for someone that earns £50k+

Come here more often and read stories, start the counselling gamcare offers, try not to have access to money (I now keep any spare I have with a credit union that takes 1day to withdraw). Please, I beg you, take this addiction seriously. Look for other things you enjoy doing in life, video games, outdoor games, meetings friends. 

Good luck and I hope to see you posting your gamble-free days here

Hi Frogman,

have you tried GA meetings? When we arrive at the point where we seek help most of us are fixated on the money we gambled (I know I was), but one of the main lessons I have learned since attending GA is this is the easiest problem to solve, changing our behaviour and opening up to others is the difficult stuff which takes time and effort.

I was resistant to change as the thought of not being able to gamble was too much, I thought I could control it as I could do for periods, but I always ended up back where I started as I was a gambling addict and could not stop in the long run. GA certainly had no appeal to me initially but once the penny dropped I could see that being totally honest with myself, my loved ones and fellow GA attendees was the solution. Basically I was battling myself, it takes plenty of time and effort but it is worth it. 

The best piece of advice I got at one of the meetings was to 'honestly look at the time and effort I had spent thinking about betting, planning to bet and betting itself. Put this same time and effort into my recovery and I would be fine'.

Hi Joe-90,

You must be reading my mind, that's the next step I am taking to consolidate the efforts I have made in the last 61days - attending GA's. I have never been to one. I am struggling to keep up with the weekly gamcare counselling as I have a second job to pay off my debt. You are 100% spot on that the money part is the easiest when it comes to quitting gambling, the problem is a lot deeper as we over time, develop a habit - gambling, however, the reality is that the money we lose is part of what brings the addiction, we are not losers hence the reason we chase to win back.

My personal view is that with all the help available these days, it boils down to actually wanting to stop rather that just saying it. For counselling, GA, blocks etc to work, you have to want to stop. I self-excluded for 5yrs on gamstop, that was when it went from bad to worse, went on to open an account in my wife's name to gamble, she caught me, I then used friends, not 1, not 2, I became a destructive gambler, I was willing to buy gambling accounts so I could gamble. 

The chances are high that I will relapse one day, if not soon, but I know the willpower is stronger than it ever was.

And yes, you are absolutely spot on with this - honestly look at the time and effort I had spent thinking about betting, planning to bet and betting itself. Put this same time and effort into my recovery and I would be fine

It's incredible how much time we spend planning and betting only to end up crying at the end of the day

Hi I am gf for 277 days you need to re train your brain , so when you get paid in August you may think I will take this 2k and win back some losses .. but you won’t win because we are gamblers you may find your self 10k up after a few hours but the gambler in you won’t and can’t walk away what will happen is you will lose it all and probably more besides .. so when you get paid tell your self u will get back some of your losses how?? By now going to the casino in the first place and paying off some of your debt with the 2k .. that’s how u have to start thinking .. you are lucky that you earn so much it wouldn’t take long for you to put your gambling life behind you if u turn things round now re train you brain a win is not to gamble at all we are gamblers we can’t stop if we’re up ! Goodluck

Hey Michael,

You have every chance of turning things around. One thing is for sure, you will not do it by chasing losses. If you win them back, they will ultimately increase again and again because of the addition!

At 27 you have it all in front of you. Stop all forms of gambling immediately and live a happy life!!!

Firstly, thank you everyone for your replies, I think it really helps to read everyones personal situations and how gambling has caused them so many problems (not in a mean or negative way, but to try and learn from others mistakes and stop before it gets even further out of control).

As some background, I would say I am reasonably a well educated person, I am well respected with friends and family and this hidden secret I have has caused myself so much negative feelings, emotionally and mentally. I almost feel like a fool to have been sucked into this, but it has helped me to understand addictions better. Before, I always thought to myself 'why doesn't that person just stop gambling/drinking/smoking/drugs' or whatever it might be. It just goes to show, addictions are extremely hard to get rid of after they have started.

The posts I have read with people saying about temporarily winning some money and getting back some losses, and it doesn't help because eventually you will just want more and continue to bet what you have won. I can totally relate to this and it makes me feel sick how many times I have done this.

Thank you so much for all the posts on here until now. I will try my hardest to stick with it and not spend anymore money on betting (we all here know how hard that is). But @Seannria you are totally right, even though not betting my salary and all of my money now will not get rid of my losses, it will not make the losses worse. I think the thought and pain of the losses so far will still be in my mind for several months to come, until I start to get my finances back on track, but you are totally right that stopping now is the only choice, otherwise it will never start to improve.

PS: I did go into the casino yesterday, I spent a little bit but in my mind, I was thinking back to these posts, and the negative feeling of losing everything, like every other month. I watched some other people play, and the looks on their faces as they lost their money. I could really feel their pain, and totally knew that they were also addicted (it is easy to see as a gambler). I stopped and left and did not spend anymore. Even though it was a loss, I am happy with myself that I walked out. I wouldn't usually have done that. I have moved the rest of the "leftover" funds I got paid this month into a savings account, and whilst I am able to withdraw it, I feel the temptation will be less as I would physically have to transfer it out before being able to withdraw it. I hope this helps as a start and hopefully next pay day I can put everything there, and not bet anything.

I will continue following this forum and share updates and hopefully try to contribute to some other peoples posts too. I feel that there is kind of a reassuring feeling on here, posting in a place where people understand each other, and understand the issues they are experiencing.

Question: Does the cravings to gamble get less, the longer you go without gambling? - Asking to those who are also recovering and can give some insight here. EG: If I go a whole month or two months without a single bet, will it start to get easier? - Because right now, there feels like a demon inside of me telling me to go back, to bet, and to try to win. I will resist.

Sorry for the long post - Just wanted to put down my thoughts and how I am thinking/feeling at the current time, thanks again to all.

M

@michaelscott92 

In answer to your question asking if it gets easier the longer you're off it, from my experience that depends on what you do. If you try to go it alone, deal with your own money, keep all your thought and feelings bottled up, watch videos about it, visit casinos, then no, it doesn't get easier.

If you get to GA on a regular basis, consider the blocks which help, put some proper distance between yourself and a bet, say three months to get a clear head and another nine months to get your life back but respecting your new found liberty from the shackles of gambling then the urges do go. Not completely but enough, and when the urge comes on you then you should have built up a few tools to help you. 

Thats really it. Don't put the effort in, struggle. Put the work in, get the rewards.

To give you an example through experience, 30 months in and I needed to escape from life. Most days or weeks I don't even think about it except when I'm involved in helping others, but this day it just took over me. Having blocks helped, having a phone list of people I found call helped, having worked a change program helped. I sat with it, I went for a walk, I actually wrote it on here to take the power out of how I was feeling. And it passed. 

Long term it does get easier but remember the GA saying, Just for today I will not gamble. It's waiting for you tomorrow!

Chris.

Hi michaelscott. Yes the cravings get less but they won't get less if you put temptation in your way by going into a casino. I'm 3 months without gambling doing really good going to GA really learning about addiction and how to go forward, but if you think you can rely solely on willpower I wish you well . I am not  ashamed one little bit to say I could not go into a casino / bingo hall/ arcade right now the temptation and urges would be too much, might always be too much, but to be truthful I don't really care I don't have to prove anything to myself I just need to carry on in my recovery go to GA keep the blocks in place protect myself.. Try to get your next post to be that you resisted the urge take it day by day it starts to mount up and when you have that time away from gambling your mind starts to heal. Wish you well hope you can start your journey.

Hi,

Just wanted to share an update on my story. I did have some issues over the last weeks where the urges got too much and I did it again. I won 1000 from 250 and the next day I went back, lost the 1000 and 750 more which was for my rent payment this month. I felt stupid and of course hated myself for it.

I dont know why I did it. I had free time where I wasn't doing anything and had a strong desire to win. As we all know, that doesn't work, you can't win, none of us can. I applied for some credit in various places and got declined. One lender gave me a lifeline and talked through my finances with me, despite seeing multiple gambling transactions on my bank statement. They arranged an affordable repayment over 16 months for 3200 credit. I am happy to say I used this money to settle some debts, pay my rent and get some payments off my chest that were overdue, it felt like a relief, that somebody gave me this chance.

I drew up my finances and worked out my payments. Going forward I will be able to pay all my bills and replenish a good amount of savings until Christmas. (I will still be overdrawn and have debts, but these are manageable with my monthly salary, having some left over each month for living costs and a small contribution towards my (formerly lost) savings. I feel like this is an opportunity to put things right.

Today I had urges to gamble again (but didn't). (Even as soon as I got that 3200 credit I wanted to go to a casino "with just 300" and top it up to 4000. I am glad I didnt. I resisted. I straight away paid the money for the bills I had intended to use it for, with a little leftover in my account. I like to cook in my free time so with the leftover I bought some kitchen appliances (a new mixer and slow cooker) which felt so good. I spent 150 on those two items and then I realised to myself, if I went into a casino, that 150 would have been gone within 5 or 10 minutes, with nothing to show for it. I am looking forward to using my free time to cook something in my new cooker instead of using that free time in the casino.

I hope I can continue resisting the urges. It is difficult but I am trying to ignore it, finding ways to fill in my free time (so I physically do not have time to gamble). I want to end the constant lies and get back on track again. I am still worried about payday, I'll have more money leftover in my account than I've had in the last 2 months. Looking for ways to restrict my access or save it somewhere to prevent this, (without losing control of my accounts, I dont feel I need that or would do that). But if anyone has other advice or tips on saving money that may help (eg: non withdrawable bank ISA or similar).

Thanks for reading my updates, I just wanted to get my thoughts out and hopefully give hope to anyone else also struggling. I will update my progress on here or whenever I need to get something off my mind. Thanks again for being here ?

M

Do you want to go to a GA meeting or counselling or not or do you want to fight the urges yourself?

Easy way and a hard way to this. You choose what way you want to go but in my experience, everything worth getting takes effort. There are no short cuts.

Chris.

Just a short update on my post to try and keep it regular, even though it is very minor and short, I have had 8 days now without gambling and it feels good 🙂 I have had my rent and some extra funds in my account the whole time, plus had free time to gamble, but I have resisted so far. I have filled my free time outside of work with watching some tv shows, going on a bike ride and having a day out trip with one of my old friends.

Hoping to keep it up and increase that GF number a lot higher like some of the others on here 🙂 wish it was already higher, but yeah, I can only make it get higher by not making a bet, and if I do then it only goes backward.. so there is some motivation there