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How i ruined everything  

 
Daria27
(@daria27)

Hi. Before all this gamblimg addiction  started I had some savings, never worried about money. It started somewhere in 2018, most of the time when I was upset I was keep betting until I was feeling better. Slowly everything get out of my control, I bet all my savings and then started to use all my credit cards, then take a loan to bet some more because I was keep thinking that is not possible to loose that much, I have to win something back. 

Today my total debts are around 25k and I can barely keep up with all this with my actual wage( I used to have a better paid job in 2018). Until now ( until I wrote it here) I could never talk about this with anyone, because how can I tell something like this to any friends or family? I'm so ashamed of my self, I feel like I could never be honest with them and ask for help.

I really don't understand how I could do something like this, before all this I used to be a very responsible person. 

And what's more is that I'm alone in all this and i feel like I cannot talk to anyone about my situation. I broke up with my partner because he was the one keep upseting me and I've blamed him for my addiction. I just couldn't stand him anymore because I was feeling is all his fault( of course, I never told him any of this things so even today he still doesn't know why I started to hate him 😔) 

I feel ashamed to even write my story here... but today I decided to STOP. Stop gambling, stop making my life worse and hopefully slowly slowly i can start to put my life back on track. 

I cannot do nothing about what I lost, but maybe I can stop losing and I can try fix my life.

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Posted : 7th July 2020 3:45 am
Jadiebby85
(@jadiebby85)

Hi can I start by saying you are not alone, there are so many people on this forum who are in the same situation as you right now! Thinking you are the only person who is stupid enough to bet so much money and keep doing it is the addiction talking!! It will isolate you more and more with every single bet you lose and then you’ll get a little win and think “I can win some back” and then it all starts again! You will never beat the casinos and bookies! I’ve been there and many people in this forum have too! The best thing you can do is start to open up with loved ones and friends because once you do that you feel like a weight has been lifted! Use the online self exclusion tools (gamstop is the main one) and keep being open with yourself mostly and then either on here or with friends and if you are serious about quitting than it will start to fall into place! It’s quite shocking how much better you will feel once you accept the losses are gone and that’s collateral damage but you will soon start to have money etc by not gambling! It can get better and YOU will get better! I nearly lost the roof over my kids, husband & mines head and nearly lost my husband through gambling before I was anywhere near ready to quit gambling and 56 days on and I feel better than I ever have! My head is clear and I’m not worried or panicking about how I’m going to feed us or where the money for bills is coming from this week/month. Before I quit I was using every single penny I had in my account to gamble and lost hundreds within hours on a few occasions and then didn’t have money to put on my kids lunch cards for school! It makes me feel ashamed! I have managed to stay gamble free because once you realise what life can be like gamble free, I would never want to go back to how I felt when I did! 
I wish you all the best for your future, jadie x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 7th July 2020 9:23 am
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya Daria

I'm sat here and I can feel your pain, one thing is for sure the past is gone my friend and you'll be wise to put it down to experience get all your debt put into a manageable payment scheme. So you don't have to Chase money to try and cover your loss. As it will just get worse and that's not the life you want to live as you'll end up with nothing and a lot off pain caused by mental health. Be honest with people as your not on your own plus you've reached out for help and that takes a lot off grit, you should be proud if you can go gamble free for the rest of your life, atleast you'll have a life my friend 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 7th July 2020 8:59 pm
Bloodnock
(@bloodnock)

Hi Daria.

Most of us have been there and done that.

You must stop beating yourself up over that which you cannot change, what is done is done.

What you can do is learn from your hard earned experiences and use that to your advantage in carving out a new and better future for yourself without the stress and financial pain of gambling.

Now go take advantage of your new freedom and enjoy life.

 

 

 

 

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Posted : 9th July 2020 2:22 pm
Sid2607
(@sid2607)

I have been reading the posts but never had confidence to comment before.  I have carried around my shame and self hate for years but reading that there are thousands out there who are the same as me gives some comfort.  What I don't understand is how the gambling companies do not challenge, all these people like me spending hundreds and thousands every day that they cannot afford yet personally not one of the many online sites I have been a member of have ever queried the transactions but they must have seen a pattern, sometimes I have blown all my wages within hours of being paid.  I cannot begin to share the hate and shame I have for what I have done, I am a shadow of the person I was but reading others stories I hope will help all of us on the road to stopping.

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Posted : 13th July 2020 7:02 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya my friend 

As long as your losing they won't question anything but the minute you win and try to withdraw by god they'll want your passport. There not interested in what the loss has done to us and those close to us all they care about is how big there pay check is they can't have a moral compass. I know it's no good for us now but there meant to be a big shake up off the gambling code and one of the things they'll have to do is affordability checks who knows when this will be but atleast they were made not to be allowed to take credit card payments or e wallets as that will help stop us losing what we've not got but I bet some still attempt to take them as what will they get a slap on the wrist. I hope your okay 

This post was modified 4 weeks ago by Forum admin
ReplyQuote
Posted : 14th July 2020 9:05 am
Daria27
(@daria27)

Hi Jadie. Thank you for your reply. I can relate very well with was you are saying. Hopefully I will be able to stop gambling and things will get better. I know is not easy, but reading your story made me feel like I can find a way out and in time things will get better. Thank you 😊 

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Posted : 14th July 2020 10:01 am
Daria27
(@daria27)

Hi Bloodnock. Thank you, hopefully one day I will be there and I will be able to tell my story as a learned experience.

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Posted : 14th July 2020 10:02 am
MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

Hi Daria and welcome to the forums. 

You may not need to come here every day but it is a blessing to know that the forums are here for us all on those tougher days when urges may kick in. It's a useful place to come and read some wise words or inspirational stories.

It is not easy to put a permanent stop to our gambling habits because they are addictions and giving up anything you are used to doing is tough. But with the right attitude and a bit of self determination anyone is capable of doing so and changing their lives around. You have made a good start to your long road to recovery.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 14th July 2020 10:40 am
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