How do people stop

 Hi Dopey123 

Thanks for sharing, this sounds like a really difficult situation and it can't be easy. There's always a lot of hope and support and well done for posting and trying to make changes to overcome your gambling. 

It's an addiction and sounds like it could be a coping strategy from the trauma of losing your partner. So don't look at yourself as a bad person or feel worthless because you are not. 

Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

I would encourage you to make an appointment with your GP surrounding your anxiety and depression and any other feelings you may be experiencing due to gambling.

Could I also give the details for some organisations that can offer some free debt advice.

StepChange – 0800 138 1111, www.stepchange.org 

National Debtline – 0808 808 4000, www.nationaldebtline.org

All the best with everything 

Kirk 

Forum Admin. 

Welcome.

I read your pain and you are now at a crossroads on what you should and should not do. That is a good thing so congratulations in getting here!. Look we have been or many are where you are now. It hurts when you realise that you are not well but it is also a start of something new. I am not asking you to drum up any self confidence etc. What you should do is to sit down with a paper and a pen. You write down on the left all the bad things of your addiction and on the right all the good things. You will quickly see what side of the page that fills up first.

Then write down your plan. How are you going to sort this out and make it manageable. You have kids that did not ask for this addiction. You owe it to them to make it better. You owe it to them to stick around. Remember all pain fear and anxiety is created by you and therefore it can also be managed by you. Become determined to get yourself through this and decide what kind of future you want to have for yourself.

You are in the beginning of your journey and you will need some help. Follow admins advice now and call the help-line. I recommend a cbt therapist because they help you to sort things out in your mind in a logical way.

You are the maker of your own movie. Your life is what you decide it to be. Make a choice to change and you will. 

You will need about five weeks to balance your dopamine levels. That means you will need to come of your daily routines o gambling for five weeks so that your anxiety depression starts to feel more normal. Talk to the forum here. There are many friendly souls who have been where you are now and they will absolutely help you.

I wish you well!

Stay strong now. Your daughters deserve that from you.

Best

C

I have been there, my friend.  I don’t know you…so I don’t want to overstep my bounds.  I am so sorry for your loss. In my opinion it may be that the stress of all that’s gone on in your life is driving you toward gambling as an escape and to get good feelings.  Your daughters can provide all of the good feelings you will ever need.  I’m my case, had an underlying mental health condition.  This condition was exacerbated by the pressures in my life.  Only diagnosed at age 50 after gambling had shredded my life.  Please go seek help.  I didn’t realize that help might/should  start with my doctor.  It may be you need to address all of that before working specifically on the gambling issue.

Just my $.02.

all my best,

Greg 

PS…you are not a stupid anything.  Anyone who says that has no idea what they are talking about.  I have been there.  I lost waaaay more money than you.  Money that could have gone for vacations, presents, down payments on homes, college tuition and enrichment of my children’s lives. 
you can do it!  The first step is the most important…..reaching out for help.  Don’t beat yourself up.  That doesn’t do your kids any good either.  Keep your chin up.  I’ve relapsed many times.  I’m only on day 9 even right now.  Whatever you do….NEVER GIVE UP!

You ask "how do people stop"

They treat this addiction with respect - no half measures. 

GA, Abstaining, giving up financial control whatever it takes. 

Learning, implementing, accepting you are an addict 

Most importantly one day at a time

Best

Sorry to go on….but as a dad who has felt the same way your story is hitting home and I really want to help you.  My loved ones reminded me of how much my kids will learn about perseverance and dedication by watching me crush this demon.  My friends talked me out of doing anything to myself saying….” That would be a life-sentence for your kids.”  They are no way better off without you.  Is there someone close that you could trust with your finances?  I wish I would have let my former wife take control of everything.  I bet those girls love their Dad so much!  Take care of him!❤️

the magic words that helped me to stop were saying to myself: "I'm sick and I need treatment to get better"

@gerard-g yes!  And nobody should feel ashamed of being sick and needing help.  None of us asked to be in this position.  These aren’t logical choices we are making.  The first time I got hooked I remember thinking (oh so foolishly) that this could be some sort of income generator. ?‍♂️That was 15 years ago.  Recently I caught myself telling myself that same lie when the betting was in a different format.  This was the first time I clearly knew (or I should say accepted) it was the  addiction lying to me and I looked at it and laughed.  I’m determined not to be so gullible ever again.

Hi

I understand by being in the recovery program that I was emotionally vulnerable.

That when I could not deal with life emotionally I would try to escape one way or another to my addiction or obsessions.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, the emotional triggers indicated that I was vulnerable and reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

Had I not had an addiction I would never have found out how unhealthy I was and how much I was missing from my life and missing from my family.

The addictions and obsessions were me escaping from how vulnerable I felt internally.

The recovery program would help me help myself become healthier and heal my pains.

No one wants to admit that they are vulnerable and scared. 

Yet the recovery program helps you both heal your paisn and make much healthier choices in your life.

Please stick withy our recovery it empowers you and builds the confidence you have in your self.

The loss of your partner may have not been healed as yet.

You may need to go to another source of healing with that.

Please stick with your recovery you and your children are worth it.

Being in the recovery program will help you reduce your fears.

Love and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK