Hi, I'm new to the site & been living in denial...

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(@sirstu)
Posts: 2
Topic starter
 

Hi guy's,

I guess I've always had a problem with gambling. From a child I'd be one of those kids hanging round all the arcades & as I grew older I didn't gamble for years because I never had the cash to do so & was homeless for 10 years. I managed to sort the homeless problem out around 10 years ago now & started working but since getting better paid jobs my addiction became a bit of a monster and now I realize it's got to stop even getting loans out to pay my bills because I've gambled it all away, I just couldn't stop myself. 

Alcohol is my worst enemy, not because I have an alcohol addiction but I'd have a drink & all self control would go out the window. I'd gamble away more than I could afford then drink to get over being so annoyed with myself & go through the whole circle again even to the point of thinking I just want to end it all because of the financial stress & anxiety it would cause from gambling all my money away & still having bills to pay.

I realize I have a problem & I have to sort this out (if only I could turn back time) so I have decided to join this site & start to make changes to overcome this beast.  It's so hard to talk to any family or friends about this because I don't want them to know & think less of me for it which is why I need to talk with people in a similar situation. 

It's the online gambling I have found a problem with as you never really put the physical cash in a machine or hand it over, it's just numbers on a screen & recently I have lost so much money I dread to think how well off I would be now had I not. I would put deposit limits on the sites to try & curb my spending, but as soon as I reach that limit I'd open another account with another casino & carry on. I took the steps & self excluded on all internet gaming sites through 'Gamstop' today & really hope this works as I just can't carry on like this. 

Well that's me & why I'm here on day one & just hope I can defeat this...

 
Posted : 20th August 2019 3:23 pm
ohmylife
(@ohmylife)
Posts: 6
 

Hi Sirstu,

I am on here tonight as I have come very close to having a relapse tonight and I needed some support so I was reading some posts and came across yours. 

I know what you mean for me too it was only online as with drawing money from a cash machine to the amounts I was gambling would have me crying in a corner.

A couple of things I found useful was a site called K9. It is an online site that blocks access to any site you need to be over 18 to get at. You have to set up an account and every time you try to enter a site you have to put in a password, my friend entered mine for me so I have no clue what it is so my laptop and tablet are out of bounds for me to gamble on.

Another was a mobile app called no more. you put in the last date you gambled and it gives you a target to get to and a little quote everyday about ambition and never giving up and I just worked towards the next award if you like.

Remember also there is here, I am 395 days without gambling online but tonight for no reason I can think of I had such an urge to open up another account and go again. So I came on here instead. I haven't logged on for nearly a year but it was my first point of call. There is always help to be found on here. 

I wish you all the best on your new journey. 

Ohmylife x

 

 

 

 

 
Posted : 20th August 2019 8:45 pm
Tracey63
(@tracey63)
Posts: 40
 

Hi like you I only ever gambled on line. But you have made the first real steps in putting your blocks in place. I know it's hard to open up to close family and friends but you need to be honest with yourself. Have you not one person with whom you can confide in to support you. For me it is a vital part of my recovery, to have some one that you can turn too when the urges get too much. Also I have found it invaluable to know that this person also checks my bank account etc and would know if I was lieing about my spending and if I had gambled. If not just continue with your diary as there is so much support on this site. There is help out there you just need to find what is right for you. Good luck on your recovery journey and don't let gambling destroy the next ten years of your life. 

 
Posted : 21st August 2019 9:34 am
(@sirstu)
Posts: 2
Topic starter
 

Thanks for your responses guy's.

I confided in a very close friend today (my brother in law) which felt like the world had been lifted off my shoulders. He owns a very successful self made business so good with money. We've come to an agreement that each month I'm going to pay bills straight away then transfer to him all my disposable income & he's going to keep hold of it for me. Not only that he's given me a great incentive by getting me a mortgage to let in his name once I've saved enough with him to pay for the deposit, then rent it out and let it pay for itself then transfer into my name. Also he'll continue to save my disposable income so I end up with a  property and lump sum for when I ever I need it for the future. He said Stu we're family & you should have come to me sooner. 

I feel on top of the world today knowing I have no access to any gambling sites (I tried just to see if it's worked) so that temptation has gone, I now have someone to confide in & also a massive incentive to work towards.  What a difference the realization I have a gambling addiction & admitting to it to myself has made.

I know this is only the beginning of my journey & not to become complacent there is a long way to go, but I feel so positive that I can do this, If I can make it out of 10 years of homelessness to a well paid job then I can make it through this. 

I'm going to continue to use this site and make steps to overcome this beast which has taken over my life & take control of my own life again. I feel really positive now compared to just a few days ago when I felt like jumping off a bridge. The difference an admission can make...

Thanks for your support and advice @ohmylife @tracey63 🙂

This post was modified 5 years ago by SirStu
 
Posted : 21st August 2019 3:28 pm

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