Help I am at a loss

Hi,

I get the impression that you know what the right choices are but are influenced by his emotional control and manipulation which is continuing the cycle of you being used for his gains. It's possible that his comments regarding the counselling making you worsr were made through fear of you getting stronger and leaving the relationship. It's all classic control but like I said before you have a choice and the professional support is out there waiting for you if that's what you choose.

I know I need to get some help to feel stronger emotionally and mentally. I need to be able to deal with him. The road we are going down can’t continue.

Happy at moment as my son bought me some flowers as I have been really unwell and depressed.

Hi,

Bless him, that's really nice!

Just remember that you are not to blame for the situation and with the right help you can be in a much more happier stable environment. 

I believe that if you were no longer in your emotionally abusive relationship and got help with your ptsd that you would value yourself so much more. It's very easy for me to make this comment and I fully understand your difficult position.

I've really enjoyed chatting and please continue posting when you need to. 

Take care!

Thank you for answering me. You have been very helpful. It’s hard to see things clearly when you are stuck inside the situation. Sometimes I would think something wasn’t right but would brush the thought from my mind. Sometimes when I am feeling really unwell or low I would go to him and everything would feel safe and he would make me feel better. I don’t know if I can ever get through to him about how I feel.

Hi,

During my addiction days I was extremely self absorbed and if there wasn't something in it for me then i had no care for anyone or anything. It wasn't the person I chose to be but rather what addiction had turned me into. I'm not excusing his behaviour or saying you should put up with it because it's totally unacceptable to be treated this way. He could change but my suspicions say that until it's him who is facing the consequences of his actions it will be you who continues to suffer mostly. Even though you may feel that you're stuck in this situation you do have the choice to take a different path but it will need courage, faith and strength. 

Yes and for that I think I need some form of therapy. What I felt ashamed to say is that I am a alcoholic. This has only happened over a year and a half after I went through a emotionally time, I used alcohol to stop thinking about it. It got to the time that anything negative going on in my life I used alcohol. I have only just gone for help from AA, which is helping but I need a positive environment around me. I don’t want anything negative making me return to drinking.

Hi,

It's great that you are getting help through AA, I've heard great things about AA from people I work with. It's not surprising that you have a self defeating coping mechanism as you've been through trauma early in life. It's very true that you need a trouble free environment so that you can fully concentrate on working on your relationship with yourself.

Thank you for all your advice and time 

I am in a place where I don’t know where to turn. I don’t have a home for myself. I am between myself and him. I tried to get myself together last year to be met with so many obstacles from my mother because I was abused by my brother 

In all honesty you need to leave him, I am a compulsive gambler but of my patterned gambled I know I would be in the gutter, all the answers you look for are normal right in front of you, it’s just taking the step to have the confidence to make the changes that would improve your life 

@denise

Thank you for posting your story here on the forum. Your partner's behaviour does sound controlling and it sounds financially abusive too. You've had so much trauma and abuse in your life from a young age, and you are deserving of being treated well by those who are close to you. If you haven't already, do please contact our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us 1:1 on the NetLine. We can put you in touch with free 1:1 support locally and help you decide what you want to do in your own way, in your own time. 

Best wishes

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