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Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)

@theresa2500

Am I right that you were on here before having lost a bit and were trying to win it back day by day? 

I think then we tried to help by explaining the futility of chasing the losses and trying to accept that the money was gone. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but unfortunately for this illness hindsight is only available to those that have gone through the hardships that gambling brings.

If I'd had hindsight I would have stopped at that first £500, rather than the rest of the damage  that I ultimately caused. I can't even give you a figure because what I lost was more important than that. How do you put a value on everything?

The truth is as a compulsive gambler, hindsight counts for nothing if I have that first bet because I cannot control it. No first bet, no second. It's that simple.

I saw what you wrote about the money again and how you are upset over your losses and what you could have done with the money. I always spoke like that afterwards, it's called regret. But I couldn't actually spend the money on the watch, in your example, as it was gambling money and I had to win the money first before I spent it. 

Please try to accept that it's gone. You can earn more month by month but if you try to win more it can only end one way. 

Chris.

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Posted : 12th July 2020 11:47 pm
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Only you know 

What you want out off life but one thing is for sure you won't find that through gambling it's like an alcoholic won't find the cure at the bottom of a bottle,  people on this site are only trying to help you as they know you can lose alot more than you think in such a short period of time, take the loss and move on but only you can do that no one else 

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Posted : 13th July 2020 1:12 am
THERESA2500
(@theresa2500)

Hello Kev thank you. I have done the stopping I have self excluded now and can no longer play... just feel really awful and depressed about the loss I worry too much about it and now no way to win it back.... just want to get passed this few months to build my savings back up again but everyday is getting harder to face 

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Posted : 13th July 2020 9:06 am
Kevthekev40
(@kevthekev40)

Hiya you'll get there 

It just takes time and if you had the chance to chase it then you'd have the chance to lose more that's the way it goes when you stop you leave the past where it belongs and concentrate on the future being gamble free therefore saving all the money you've lost plus a whole lot more you know the game and how it works it's a loss get on to the gamble free routine and take one day at a time 

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Posted : 13th July 2020 9:24 am
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi Teresa I'm sorry if you felt I was being harsh with you. Could I explain why ? I felt really frustrated that me and other people couldn't get through to you about the loses. I didn't mean to upset you I just wanted to get through to you how this addiction gets worse and that not being in debt is a positive. I would be genuinely upset if you came back saying you were 10k in debt and with this addiction it's more than possible. I feel that you can stop before you get to the stage where it spirals totally out of control. I was really pleased to see your post to another newcomer where you were giving advice about the loses. I really hope that you are turning a corner as to me your post suggests that you are. Well done keep it going , keep posting. Best wishes

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Posted : 14th July 2020 7:10 pm
MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

It's all about breaking an addiction. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, gambling, smoking, whatever it is... it's about trying to keep control of your emotions, logical thinking, reflection and perhaps most importantly it is about resolve. The resolution to "take back control".

The reason you can't forget about the losses is partly down to your brain producing a chemical called dopamine. Dopamine is created by your brain as a reward system. You have a bet and the little rush of excitement you feel is the release of dopamine. You have some losses and start staking higher amounts to win back your losses... yes, it's a panicky sensation but there is still some anticipation and excitement mixed in due to the dangers... this is dopamine.

You've lost the money but can't find a way to let things go and move on. Those urges that creep up on you...that's dopamine continuing to be released by your brain to trick you back into your addicted behavior.

Part of the effort required in a recovery is to reflect logically and understand what is going on inn the brain and understand why you are feeling the way you do. Self reflection is a good way to combat dopamine as is finding a more productive way to spend the vacant time you used for gambling. For me this involves walking and keeping myself fit both mentally and physically. For others it might involve a dramatic increase in the time you spend reading or cooking, etc. Some people make excellent use of the forum to self reflect in words by creating journals to both assist their recoveries and the recoveries of others.

Ultimately the only way to stop your brain kidding you into continuing to pursue the activities that got you into your financial difficulties in the first place is to put protections in place to prevent further gambling. As each gambling free day goes by then perhaps even with you not realizing, your dopamine levels return to normal and your urges become less and much more manageable.

You will find in the end that your dopamine returns to normal levels. By normal levels I mean your brain starts to produce the chemical in a natural way. For example when in the grip of addiction your brain won't produce dopamine when it should because it is using it solely to feed your addictive behavior. Once you have some control over the addiction the brain starts to distribute the dopamine in normal ways such as when you are watching a film you like you will be rewarded with pleasant dopamine spurts to reward you for enjoying the film. When gambling most people have little time for family and loved ones because the activities they carry out with their loved ones are chores and stopping valuable gambling time. Why do they feel like this? because the brain is not acting 'normally'. You would normally get dopamine hits by sharing quality time with loved ones and enjoying the shared experiences and getting rewards for that enjoyment. But whilst exhibiting addictive behavior there is no spare dopamine for these things as it is only being used to encourage the addiction.

Sorry, this wasn't meant to be a rant. I didn't mean to write this much but I learnt a lot about dopamine when I gave up my 20 a day smoking habit. Now I ironically need to fight it once more due to my recent gambling binge. My point was simply try not to just describe what you are feeling in this process but to also understand why you feel the way you do. Self reflection really does help.

 

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Posted : 15th July 2020 3:06 pm
THERESA2500
(@theresa2500)

Thanks for the comments! I am definitely feeling better now 5 days gamble free. Work has keep me occupied and it’s payday soon! I’m so looking forward to it and putting savings into my account... accepting it was hard at first but I think I have ways in my head to cope with the loss... I just think I went on holiday to Vegas, tried to make it but lost.  Well that’s ones charged to experience.... and might be the best £3k ever spent knowing I will never bet again! I hope everyone will find peace in their losses... I certainly have. Payday is coming and I don’t even think for one single minute I’ll be betting even a penny of my hard earned cash... it was a rough 2 months! Can you imagine, I splurged £3k in just 2 months!! Utter madness.... I know I’m finally free from this... I know it’s only been 5 days but my mood is better. Wishing everyone a happy weekend 

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Posted : 17th July 2020 7:00 pm
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