So hello everyone am here because am feeling sorry for myself Iv been gambling for 15 yr on and off more on than off stared back up 4 months ago after a yr Iv destroyed my family’s life without them even knowing am sat here stomach churching because am selfish anuth once again to spend all my months money on B*****d and more ?got to laugh while doing it I don’t give any of my family a second thourt Pathetic or what but soon as Iv spent it I suddenly think oh no what have I done why don’t I get these thourts because am I going to do I can’t make out why I don’t have any kind of thourt while am doing it Obviously I’ve Gotta put it down to being selfish because if I felt any guilt I wouldn’t do it in the first place the hardest thing for me is I can’t go to my family as am that ashamed of what am doing I feel dirty and Worthless after Iv done it what I hate AFTER is it’s to late Iv sat their and spent it ffs and what I win big I bet £10 a spin thinking am gonna get a life changing amount and think I’ll never do it again WHEN I win just chasing and chasing something am never gonna get if I won big I’d probably put it all back in
I even got it all planed out in my head WHEN I win big am going to Pretend I went to bingo and won the National the joke is over 15 yr I still wouldn’t get the money back ??what I spent on online slot machines .
id be a very wealthy person if I saved what I Through away and what gets me is it’s been 15yr and I still don’t think I have a problem i how my parents £5000 ? I stooped that low I borrowed £1000 off my kid and still am telling them I’ll start paying u back next week it’s always next week how low can u get am hoping writing this will make me realise I DO have a problem a BIG problem and will be strong anuth to stop I did go in the bank and told um to bar my cards they was a waste of time u no one night I won some money I took it straight out and vowed never to gambling again I was gonna give parents part of it and the kids some of it and tell parents I’ll pay every week to till the £2000 payed off for around a day I could breath feeling proud Iv won and that’s most of my debts payed I could breath easy looked at life with a smile on my face and thourt yes I got this life is good I was a day befor my payday so I thourt I’ll take the kids out and do want a Normal family do surprise surprise soon as it was back in I blow the lot and they had the cheek when I spent that to message me and not let me spend any more that night. why didn’t they do it when I spent £1000 or £2000 so I had to wait 24 hours no sleep thinking I got to get this money back 24 later all my pay gone blowe d the lot what a total loser I am then Obviously feeling sorry for myself again till next time I really can’t make out why in the world I took to this because losing and Lying and deceiving i’m pretending you’re alright and everything is alright is one of the worst feeling in the world
if their is anyone reading this who as never ever gamblied please please don’t even bother you think your in control but your not it’s not worth it it only destroys ur soul and Ur life if u let it I feel a littel more positive now Iv got this off my chest I Obviously got to ask my parents one more time to borrow money to see me thour the month ?? so one more lie cause am ashamed to tell um my seedy littel secret cause that’s what it feels like than Iv got to get my life together this is not going to destroy a other day week month of my life am going to take back control of it and focus on paying kid first then parents back and look to the future and get my Priorities straight I will how ever tell my parents I need they help with Managing my money as I have noooooo value for money if I did I wouldn’t be gambling like am a millionaire
it’s not the end of the world I believe you can awalys take back control of ur life if you want it anuth so be happy ppl and DONT gamble ?? sorry if I don’t laugh I’ll cry ???
Hiya.... Your in the thick of it!... its like your almost getting a "high" on all the chaos and craziness that you describe. To me its like your thoughts and your actions are running at a million miles an hour. I relate to this... when am panicked by gambling am just all over the place.
Are you ready to try and stop?
We are all good at telling our gambling war stories, but less good at taking the action to stop ourselves gambling and really getting in touch with the effects of our gambling on those we care about and the effects of our gambling on ourselves.
Time to calm yourself, take stock and start taking back control of your life as i do the same for mine.
All the best.
I’m the exact same! Lost £1200 on a brand new credit card today doing online competitions. The very last comp there I could’ve won £XXXX but the random number generator came up and I was the VERY NEXT PERSON BELOW THE WINNER! It’s incredible that we are so unlucky but right now I’m devastated and need to quit. £1200 limit on cc and lost it all in one day to this disease!
Hey,
As S.A said above, it does sound a little like you thrive on the chaos a little. I can relate as I used to find myself wearing the 'degenerate gambler' tag like a badge of honour.
Take a step back and simplify things. Money comes and goes and what has gone has gone and isn't coming back. Take care of the gambling and the money takes care of itself.
Get every possible block in place and talk to anyone who will listen.
All the best
Phil
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