Hi, I started gambling in April 2018, started out as a bit of fun but then went seriously wrong.
My husband caught me in April 2019.
Instead if being totally honest about the debts I had amassed due to gambling and all the other debts we had, I lied.
It was my perfect opportunity to just be totally honest but due to shame/embarrassment I didn’t reveal the full details.
We got financial help from family to try to get us back on track.
I promised that was the end and I wouldn’t gamble anymore.
Because I’d lied though about how much money we actually owed, I started gambling again, in my head I thought I could win enough so that he’d never find out that I had lied.
Truth is, if I would’ve cashed out every time I had a substantial win, things wouldn’t be so bad but I didn’t cash out EVER and now we’re even more in debt.
He caught me again a few days ago.
This time I have been honest and told him exactly how much we owe.
He has access to my bank account and is going to take my debit card and leave me cash.
I’ve told him I’ll NEVER gamble again and I absolutely know that I won’t.
It really hasn’t even been enjoyable the last few months, of course there’s always the buzz when your number comes in but I’m always trying to make back what I’ve lost and the anxiety on each spin wasn’t fun at all.
He doesn’t trust me anymore (which I totally understand).
We have 2 young children and he doesn’t want to lose them but he says he can’t bear to me around me and has mentioned separation.
I understand why he wants this but I am absolutely devastated. I feel like my heart is breaking.
I feel so so so angry at myself for doing this to my husband and my children.
I’m trying to make things right financially but the thought that I’ve gambled away approx £20,000+ is sickening, when I think of all the memories we could have made with that money.
Anyway thanks for reading if you got this far.
It seems so simple really, just don’t do it.
It’s so not worth it.
Hi Miss P
I pray you can stay strong through this and that your husband gives you a second chance.
i was in a good place up until last Friday but had a major relapse . Haven’t slept properly since .
Horrible addiction ion which I hope we and others can eventually kick and learn to live happily again.
Rpc2011 - Thank you for your kind words.
Tonight I have sat down and watched TV like a normal person.. No gambling and absolutely no thought of it. It felt like the best thing in the world.. Then I remember what I’ve done ?
Sorry to hear about your relapse. Have you spoken to GamCare to get additional support/counselling to help?
Yes you can escape the thoughts for a while and then BANG they come at you like a freight train.
Have tried it all , my biggest down is the local shops. Had a run in with family member on Friday and that’s what triggered it again.
no major debts thankfully but very annoyed with myself for my selfish and destructive actions. Money should have been used to pay for my boys xmas etc.
How are things with your husband?
Hello MissP
Welcome to the GamCare forum.
I am sorry to hear that your husband has mentioned separation and how devastating this time must be for you and the family. Although at this stage it may only seem a little step, I am pleased that you have been able to be honest with your husband about the debt you owe. This openness will enable you to move forward from believing that further gambling is a solution to your problems.
I was wondering whether you’ve been able to take steps to help you overcome the urges to gamble, such as considering installing blocking filters or excluding yourself from gambling websites? Some of our forum users have further described additional ways they try to limit their freedom to gamble online, by arranging their finances in ways that slow down how quickly they can access their money or have someone else take control of their finances, this may be a way for your husband to support you and start rebuilding the trust that has been lost.
You might also be aware that GamCare provides additional support, for example free treatment. Please feel welcome to contact one of our GamCare advisers on 0808 8020 133 or on our NetLine. The advisers can provide emotional support and helpful information, as well as facilitate referrals to treatment appointments if you'd like to access that service too.
Take care and we wish you all the best on your road to recovery
Forum Admin
Sorry about your fall out- Hope you’ve managed to sort it out.
I suppose you just have to learn from it and start over again.
Things are fragile between us.
A wise person once said ‘time heals all wounds’
I just hope that he can forgive me one more time for the last time.
P.S. Don’t know why it ** the above .. all I said was sorry about your fall out of(meaning with the family member)
Hi Admin, please feel free to delete my multiple same responses.. not sure what happened there??
Yes I have self excluded and installed the software. Currently (only on Day 5) have absolutely no desire to gamble.
I have spoken with one of your advisors last night and have been referred for further support.
Thank you
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