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First day of putting this behind me  

 
Chezza
(@chezza)

Hi I’m new to the forum, I created my account today. 
I’m hoping to discover that I’m not the only person this has happened to.  
It’s been a long journey...here’s my story...

Back in March I downloaded  a gambling app so I could place bets for my dad who was shielding at the time. (He isn’t good with technology) 

My dad likes a flutter on the horses, whilst placing his bets I was offered ‘free spins’ on slots. With the few quid i won i explored some of the other slots and casino games. 
I put 40p bet on a live casino game and landed bonus Win... £ 122. Boom! I was hooked. Constantly chasing the next big win.

It was fun, I loved watching my account balance go from a under £5 to over £100...within seconds. I would withdraw my winnings and tell myself to leave it at that... “quit while your ahead”, however it was short lived. 
I would have conversations in my head “just one more go”, “just one last £10”, “I’ll delete the app after my next win”. It was no longer fun.

Weeks turned into months and I realised I was in too deep. Panic set in,  I had to ‘fix this’... I CONVINCED myself I could. I wanted to do the right thing and seek help, but then, would I be admitting to being a gambler? 
Despite the guilt and shame, the sleepless nights, the constant anxiety, my thoughts were driven, by... “I can fix this”. My plan to do this was one last big win to straighten my finances out. Then I would quit, put it behind me, no one ever need know. 

Does this sound familiar to anyone else? 

Yesterday I turned my partners world upside down by confessing to everything. The hardest thing to admit was all the deception. The lies. Luckily, my partner is willing to support me through this. The trust has been lost. Despite the hurt and damage Ive caused...I now feel free.

Gambling has had me trapped all this time and now it’s over.

I’m not naive to think  I can just recover from this alone, I know I need the support, which I have accessed. 

 

 

Quote
Posted : 21st October 2020 5:29 pm
X M
 X M
(@x-m)

It's so easy to get hooked. People who have never done it just don't realise. 

Well done for taking steps to get rid of this demon. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2020 8:45 pm
Chezza
(@chezza)

Thank you. That’s exactly what it is isn’t it, a demon. One that top trumps every single last moral you own. 
I’m overwhelmed with shame right now.

This post was modified 1 month ago by Chezza
ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2020 9:01 pm
Karlwales80
(@karlwales80)

Well done you. feel proud of yourself for confessing. Such a massive step in itself x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2020 10:22 pm
bt402317
(@bt402317)

Hello I am in a similar position. I have been trying to stopand finally put Gamstop onto my phone as on line has been my downfall. I had been spending all my spare time and money betting despite loosing each month i was convinced I would get a winning strategy but this hasnt happened

It is goung to be hard my partner is supportive and she had no idea of the extent of my betting. 

Good luck best to take it one day at a time not sure how my brain is going to react as all I have thought about tne last 20 years is my next bet

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2020 11:31 pm
Chezza
(@chezza)

Thanks for sharing your story,  bt402317 

Good luck with stopping.

I hope you are able to find the strength to face this head on. Come on, we'll get through this together. 

Keep us posted. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd October 2020 6:58 pm
Chezza
(@chezza)

Thank you 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd October 2020 7:36 pm
Gambling_toad
(@gambling_toad)

Hello Chezza, 

Well done in sharing your story and I wish you well on your journey.

I have enjoyed the chat rooms. Realising you have a problem is the first step so we'll done and best wishes.

🐸 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 24th October 2020 5:00 pm
X M
 X M
(@x-m)

I completely understand you about the shame. I've lost the love of my life because of this. I'm trying to write a post about it but it's really difficult. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 25th October 2020 8:40 am
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