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Kelso
(@kelso)

Finally taken the plunge and self excluded. I have made myself ill, put my relationship in jeopardy and got into debt. I have lied and lied to the ones I love and quite frankly I feel s**t for it. After losing £1000 in a week at the beginning of July I nearly had a breakdown. My mental health has really suffered and it has scared me. I blocked all online gambling but not the slots in the high street. Tonight I self excluded and I'm so glad I did. I need to get in a place where I'm not wanting to go back after the twelve months. I need to be strong. I'm pretty sure this is the group that is going to help me though it and I thank you in advance.

 

Kelly

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Posted : 10th August 2020 8:11 pm
Craig724
(@craig724)

Well done on the first part of excluding yourself,   Don’t keep worrying or thinking about the money you have lost, it’s in the past, now move on and try and be as positive as you can,  if your feeling sorry for yourself, get out of that mindset shake it off, it will get you nowhere other than bringing more misery to your life, which in turn will probs make you gamble again.      Use the shame of hurting close loved ones to drive you to quit for good 

This post was modified 1 month ago 2 times by Craig724
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Posted : 10th August 2020 10:33 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Welcome to the Forum Kelly,

I am sorry to hear you have been going through such a difficult time,  but I'm really pleased to see you have joined the Forum for some support. 

Many of our Forum users will understand where you are coming from as a gambling addiction can have an impact on ones mental health. I was wondering if you've seen your GP about how you're feeling as what you have been through does sound scary. 

It's really good that you have blocked all online gambling, it is possible to also self exclude in arcades on the high street and betting shops. 

It does sound like things have been really difficult for you, especially with the fear of losing your relationship and I wondered if you'd welcome some extra support for you. If you haven't done so already one of our advisers would be able to talk you through all the options that are available to help you, including free 1 to 1 support.

If this is something that would interest you, you can talk to them on our freephone number 0808 8020 133 or via our NetLine

We wish you all the best in your recovery Kelly and look forward to following your journey.

Kind regards

Chrisk

Forum Admin

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Posted : 10th August 2020 10:41 pm
SJAnon
(@sjanon)

Hi Kelly

I'm only 7 days gamble free so hardly the voice of experience(!), but just wanted to add my support and thoughts in case they help at all.

Everyone told me STOP straight away, but I initially tried to rationalise why it might be possible for me to have a healthy relationship with gambling in the future. Ultimately, I just had to arrive at the conclusion myself- it's taken just over one week and I've been gambling on and off for over ten years, but I have some clarity now.

I ignore what I've lost, as hard as that is. I've stopped feeling sorry for myself and started looking at my family and how the money could better be used. It's like a ligh bulb moment- it clicked that for whatever good stuff I got from gambling, it was always outweighed by the bad stuff. And always will be.

Now I'm looking to the future and genuinely excited about saving for my family and showing them the life they should have had.

Ultimately you have to want to make that change, so you have to allow yourself time to get there and make your peace with the past.

I wish you all the best.

SJ

 

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Posted : 11th August 2020 9:31 am
Kelso
(@kelso)

Thank you all. I feel positive about leaving it behind but I know from past experience that when my self exclusion is up I start to drift back into. This is what I struggle with. I do feel ashamed but am trying to move on from that. I need to find a different hobby. I'm so glad I found this site. 

Kelly

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Posted : 11th August 2020 9:39 am
MythDunk
(@mythdunk)

I am plus 50 days gambling free. During that period I have had two monthly salary payments. I am now getting addicted in a positive way to watching my current account remain healthy and I am getting a buzz from the fact that by not gambling my bank balance is hundreds (quite possibly thousands) of pounds better than it would be otherwise. Try to turn everything you do to not gamble into something positive, which isn't difficult actually because everything you do to not gamble contributes to your finances being in a better place. 

I promise you, hard as it is at the beginning, the further distance you put yourself from your last bet in days, the more obvious the benefits become. Keep going.

This post was modified 1 month ago by MythDunk
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Posted : 11th August 2020 12:19 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Hi kelso stick with it , I know how hard it is for you keep posting and engaging in this community and it will help you get through. My husband found out about my addiction 5th June this year and after the initial obvious upset I told the truth about everything. 7th June I googled help with gambling addiction and Gamcare was the first site that came up, the immediate help that I received and the absolutely spot on advice that I was given has aided me in doing what I thought was impossible.....I'm now approaching 70 days without gambling....last 2years I gambled every day!! I have a 20year history of gambling mostly fairly controlled and for fun at the bingo halls with friends. Took a dark turn when I found online gambling I would say I had a bad problem for 4years then the last 2years of the nightmare stuff. There is light at the end of the tunnel...am I cured...nope. Will I ever be cured....nope.....but with doing all the things that help 1 blocking everything for maximum time...husband who will see to it that blocks are renewed. 2 no access to bank accounts cards etc...husband gives me money when I need it 3 this forum I used several times daily reading posting, if I get any intrusive thoughts about gambling I log on and read.4 I've started GA and I know that this is going to take me forward. Last night 3 new people there wow I was able to join in give advice...I was asked to do the therapy and I told it exactly as it had been for me revealing my deepest darkest feelings.I know that I need all of these things and will probably always need these if I am to achieve my dream.....stay gamble free...stop going missing from life. For you have a good think about what you want and put a plan into place to achieve it, if you get complacent and let things lapse as you have before disaster awaits you but with extra effort and keeping blocks in place you can avoid " the big hole in the road" . I don't ever want to go down there again has been hell get out of but last few weeks I'm happier, calmer more level than I have been for years and it's good kelso. Best wishes with hope from me than you can get through this.

 

 

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Posted : 11th August 2020 12:24 pm
Kelso
(@kelso)

Thank you. It really helps knowing you are not alone in all of this. I really want a better future and know what I have to do. I have blocked all temptation for now and need to look into why I gambled in the first place. I know at some point I'm going to have to speak to my fiance about it but I'm not ready yet. I just hope he sees an improved version of me. Thank you for your support 

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Posted : 11th August 2020 1:27 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Yes give yourself time, excluding yourself is not a cure but it's an extremely good tool . By the time you have tried to access sites and been denied space in your mind occurs that gives the urge time to go. Fear and building things up in your mind will stop you telling your fiance . Scared of rejection? I understand totally and I can't tell you what to do but I do know that once the secret is out it is easier to deal with it you get some time away from gambling and get help ..... Gamcare can refer you for counselling.....these are positive things you can tell him. Good luck I hope things work out for you..... I know what life you're living I've lived it too...be strong

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Posted : 11th August 2020 2:00 pm
Kelso
(@kelso)

Thank you so much for replying 

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Posted : 11th August 2020 3:25 pm
Charlieboy
(@charlieboy)

Not a problem, anytime 

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Posted : 11th August 2020 3:48 pm
Shohel007
(@shohel007)

But be careful the batting shops you self exclude they actually don’t stop people even they knows you self excluded. When you challenge them why you haven’t been stop they start nasty with you. And not much help even you report them. So it’s better to self control as not much help out there.

This post was modified 1 month ago by Shohel007
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Posted : 11th August 2020 5:35 pm
Matt692
(@matt692)

Hi Kelly - I have done that a number of times, self excluded and for weeks and months I am sound, come the six month time when you need to reapply the exclusion it slips “I will be ok” but no over a period of time back at it full out! I have extended my self exclusion today and my head is clearing and time to finish work, cook food and have a glass of wine, the last few weeks - no time for such things win or lose!

keep the faith

matt692

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Posted : 11th August 2020 8:36 pm
Kelso
(@kelso)

Yes Matt, I am completely the same. As soon as the exclusion is up I'm back. I've asked for 12 months this time so I've got a good year to get in a much better place. 

 

Kelly 

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Posted : 11th August 2020 9:05 pm
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