Hi..
New to Gamcare. I became addicted to online slots in December 2017 at the age of 41. I was feeling depressed and gambling was an escape. I got such a buzz when I was winning, I just couldn't stop though... lost thousands. I took out loads of payday loans and got into such a mess. I was so relieved when my partner discovered what I had been doing ( March 2018). He had no idea. Thought my email or paypal account had been hacked. He could see 100s going out here there and everywhere. Then, I maxed out his credit card too. I caused so much hurt and upset. i lost his trust. I also told my Mam, brother and sister and kids. We had to borrow money from family and the bank to get back on track.
Things are improving now. I have blocked myself from sites. Our money situation is looking up. But... I am still an addict, I know!
A few months ago after a night out with a friend I went into a casino and blew xx quid on Pixies of the Forest. It felt amazing to be spinning again and winning... but then I lost it all! as usual!
Last night I was home alone, drinking wine. By googling sites that weren't blocked I got into one.. Spent about 3 hours gambling and lost £xx. At one point I was xxx pounds up.
That £xxx is much needed. Our food shopping money for the month..
I blocked myself last night.. felt proud as still have xxxquid in bank ( bills money though). Anyway, slept like s**t, my heart was beating out my chest. I feel terrible. I don't want to tell ANYONE close to me that I gambled last night. So ashamed. Never again do I want to waste money and feel so low.
Anyway, that is my story ( ish) off my chest. Just wanted to say hello and gain some support from this site and members.
X
Hello Nomore76 and welcome to the forum ?
Today is the start of your journey that you shall go on with myself and the rest of the GamCare family. This forum will offer you words of wisdom, positivity and a shoulder to cry on. We’re here with you in every step of your journey.
Have you signed yourself up to GamStop? I know you said you’d blocked yourself from online sites but I wasn’t sure whether this meant you’d registered on GamStop. If you haven’t, it’s pretty important that you do so if you’re serious about giving up gambling.
Keep your diary updated and let us know your thoughts and how you’re getting on.
Best wishes, Dan
Hi
Being a compulsive gambler is like a rat in a wheel running faster and faster getting no where.
Being a compulsive gambler means lying more and more, causing pain to myself and other people.
Being a compulsive gambler I lode a sense of value of myself and value of the relationships I have with other people.
Once on that roller coaster I got in to the unhealthy habit of burying my pains and being unable to articulate my feelings.
The gambling establishments did not hurt me I hurt myself.
The gambling establishments never betrayed my family I did.
No one could stop me gambling that had to be my choice and my decision.
To abstain from gambling one day at a time makes it much easier.
For recovery to work for me I had to increase the amount of time and energy in to the recovery program.
What were my needs, have I written them down.
What were my wants, have I written them down.
What were my goals, have I written them down.
To abstain from Gambling was a boundary I had to set for myself.
For me Gambling was a form of self abuse, hurting myself and hurting other people.
When my motive changes to healthy motives that is when healthy changes happens.
Every unhealthy action or words has unhealthy consequences.
Every healthy action or word has healthy consequences.
I do not have to lie today.
With each lie comes growing fears, I do not want to lie today.
Just for today I will not gamble.
Love and best wishes.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Thankyou to everyone who has replied to my original past. Lots of helpful support and advice.
I am happy to say that I have not gambled again since that night, a week or so ago. The feeling of shame, guilt and disappointment in myself reminded me why I shouldn't do it. Also that sleepless night and racing heart was just the worst. My partner has built his trust up in me again over the past year. Even leaving his wallet lying around with the joint credit card I used last year.
I do not want to gamble again. The pain it causes just isn't worth it. I have realised that. I have blocked myself with Gamstop from gambling sites, yes.
Good luck to everyone in getting over their addictions. It is unbelievable how gambling on those games (for me online slots) is like a drug.
Thanks again, it is nice to get things of my chest on here. ?
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