I've been on and off of this for years and nothing has changed. When I gamble 9 times outta 10 I win and reach the goals I set but I just never walk.. I'm paying back loans from like 2018.. I lose almost everything I have again and again and I just makes me want it back. I can't begin to explain how much I've lost, not just financially, gambling has ruined my life and now I'm just a loser.. there's no other way to look at it. I can't hold a job because losing my pay week to week just makes me so angry, I'm 28 live at home with my mum, I'm in debt, I have no life and don't see anyone, I'm miserable most of the time. I'm angry, I'm jealous, I'm bitter, I've gone to prison because of my problem and I'm open about my problem but no one can help me. Being in debt weighs heavily on me. Very heavily. I just can't wait and pay it off little by little, I want it done. I didn't even enjoy the money from these loans or anything they just went to gambling. I'm so down. Talking doesn't do anything, none of these places that are supposed to help us actually help.. what does talking change ? When I know I'm getting money I can't stop thinking about it and I just HAVE to gamble, I can't stop.. no other way of making money makes sense to me. I wish I was dead, I really do.
You have a conscious and a subconscious mind. Most of the stuff that you do is done by that subconscious mind like driving a car or watching a film etc. A lot (about 95%) of all stuff you do is just processed by your subconscious. If you can buy into that you will also buy into the fact that your rational mind does not have a say in what you do when you gamble. None at all. See it as an owner of a starving rottweiler tucking into food. You can shout and pull but that rottweiler is going to finish that bowl regardless of what you shout at it. That is your conscious and subconscious mind. Therefore it becomes pointless that you are kicking yourself after you spent your money. You can only do that before you start gambling or tuck into that food bowl as the metaphor goes. That's when you have a chance and a choice to make a difference.
The advice on support on my last post is very nice, I appreciate it I really do but the truth is, advice and support don't change anything.. which is making me wonder why I bother post to be honest. I can't wait, I'm SO behind and I just want to be ok now. I just want to fix all my mistakes. I win hundreds literally every time I gamble, if I'd just walk then I'd be fine but I'm not hundreds in debt so I need more. But even when I won thousands I didn't pay my debts.. I paid a couple and decided to but things like a big 4k TV and PS4s and just stupidness until I decided to blow nearly 3k. I don't have the answers, I appreciate the understanding on here but at the same time I don't feel like even people here do understand how I feel and how I completely change when I have money. I can't think rationally or make good choices, something happens.
As been said, do you read any of the support that's been offered to you on your other posts that look a lot like this one?
If talking doesn't help, why do you keep posting? Do you think you're different from other people and that you're so far gone that you can't be helped?
I would suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start trying because nothing I read says you try. Not thinking about it, not wallowing in self pity, but trying. Get up, get dressed, call gamcare, go to a ga meeting, try some CBT.
If you've been in prison for gambling related offences, reach out to your probation officer. They might be able to sign post where you can get help with the addiction, with a job, with your self esteem. Depending where you are in the country will depend on the quality of that service but it is still there.
Read other diaries. Lots of people feel there is no hope for them. But there is because lots of people get better, step by step, but you have to try.
I'll finish with this. You wish you were dead. Over the years I have seen people in GA and people in other fellowships try to take their own lives because they couldn't see a way out. They all say they regretted it the minute they tried. Those people are now doing well because they did what you won't even try to do. They went and got help. Unfortunately the ones who did take their own lives will never get that chance.
I won't post again then.
You're allowed to be sad and disappointed in yourself without feeling sorry for yourself. The fact that you think I have a probation officer just you don't know my life or what you're talking about. Everyone on here thinks there's only set ways to deal with gambling and it's just not true. These things won't work for me. The fact people on here can stop and can block themselves tells me that I'm different because I can't.
'go to a meeting' like I haven't heard that before. Like I haven't looked and the closest one wasn't 30 miles away. I don't drive or have any money.
I read the support, it's nice but it doesn't change anything.
I won't kill myself because even though my life doesn't matter and most things don't matter, I don't want to miss the last season of Ozark, the third season of you, the end of attack on titan, black widow, bond, fast 9... And I also don't want to go until people that know me or have spoken to me understand how I feel and the pain I've felt. So it's cool, I I'd like to not exist but I won't kill myself.
Anyway. Like you said, why post ? So you won't hear from me again in here.
Thanks everyone, sorry if I seem difficult or ungrateful but unless you've lived my life and you feel my feelings and know me, then you just can't understand. I appreciate the kind words. Good luck to you all.
Hi , last night I spent hour and a half speaking to a lady doing a very in-depth survey on gambling addiction and harm for The Samaritans. They are trying to improve how they relate to callers who are distressed due to gambling issues and they are trying to put forward proposals for regulation of gambling. Why ? Because they have had a huge increase in callers to try to support with gambling addiction. You are not alone you are not unhelpable people are trying to help you. Please help yourself, it's not just going to happen you have to put the hard work in. 8months ago I was in despair, recovery is hard but .......You get your life back !!
@1punchjamoo Are you angry with me? Be angry with me but channel it into something.
You are right, I do not know anything about your life, but I do know what I'm talking about.
I've been in prison for gambling related crimes. I've lost people to addiction. I've had those thoughts myself. I've lost everything, not just money.In fact the money is the tiny tip of the iceberg with what I've lost, so I do understand. If I don't understand why not write your story on here and explain?
There are many ways to stop gambling, or so I'm told. But unless you try one and really put everything into it you won't know. Ga, Gamcare, CBT, therapy, treatment centres, talking, peer support, medication, exercise.
When you say you can't put blocks in place be honest with yourself. You won't, not you can't. I know it's hard, I do, but I don't believe anyone is beyond help.
My point is you think you are beyond help. You are not.
Going back to my first point, if you are angry at what I've said, use that anger, go onto Gamstop now, even if you only sign up for six months. Be angry, at least it's an emotion you can channel.
Actually, I've been re-reading your previous posts from a year ago and longer.
I don't think the offering of advice works for you. It's better for me to wak away from your posts rather than you walk away from Gamcare, so I'll do that. I won't offer help or advice because you don't want or need that.
I'll just be here if you do reach out and ask for help.
Ive seen your posts from the start. You vent and then you go. How can we reply when you tell us whats the point?
Its getting to the stage where I immediately think I cant really reply to him again. I feel sad but nobody can help if you wont help yourself
Nothing will change if you dont change it. What words have you ever wanted to hear because there there and take care wont change things until you are ready to fight this
You talk to us like we dont understand deep depression or gambling...like we havent lived it or a bit square about these things. If anything we do understand. Ive lived a life of depression mild or manic.
Youve been given the gift of life. Even if youve heard a nice piece of music, taken a lovely walk in the countryside or seen a good film youve done well. Why do you seem so lonely and isolated...who can you talk to? We haven't met you but would like to sit down with you and talk it through.
Nobody said life was an easy ride with people handing everything to you on a plate. However there are supposed to be the basic welfare infrastructure to keep you going and show some care.
The gambling is self inflicted...you cant wallow in this or it just puts people off. We understand its an addiction so please act on the advice.
"no other way of making money makes sense to me" is your quote....What by gambling?...its a mugs game...You are delusional and very ill.
I wish we could help get through to you. You need a connection with someone close...why isnt anyone close protecting your money because its clear how miserable and in debt you are. You are clinically depressed and you must go and see a doctor
If you cant pay the debts you cant pay them! You still seem to be in some sort of zone where it hasnt all come crashing down yet.
As I said nothing changes if nothing changes. You are wallowing in self pity and blaming us for not understanding....that is one of the key symptoms of clinical and very deep depression
please seek help to do something about it
gamblers can easily become obsessed with money and debt its what keeps the hamster wheel of addiction going around and around
i am the same age as you and was probably in a similar mindset to you 6 years ago , i didn't have a pot to pi$$ in , had 10K of debt , was angry at the world and depressed
fortunately i realised me staying in this victim mindset wasn't going solve my problems , nobody was going to come and wave a magic wand and clear the debt , get me a better job or start a business for me
shock horror - i was actually responsible for sorting it all myself
so i did little by little ......first i went insolvent and wrote a load of debt off , then i got a new job that paid better and has less commuting , then i got a girlfriend and we started renting a house together to save costs , then i started a business on the side and started saving a little bit every month within 5 years all the debt was clear
today i have over 10K savings in the bank, 2 businesses and a part time job i can afford to pay £750 a month live on my own after splitting up with GF over lockdown this is something i never would have been able to do 5 years ago
its been a hard graft theres no two ways about it ......but i would take 6 years of hard graft over a lifetime of misery any day
i suspect there are lots of people in a similar situation to you jamoo you are not a unique case things only get better when you say they get better
roll up your sleeves and get too work ,pity parties are expensive and boring
Thanks for sharing your story.
You're still young and still have plenty of time in dealing with your gambling problems and issues.
You may need to attend a GA meeting or 1 to 1 counselling. As I understand that some people may need more than typed words, guidance, and advice.
Try to understand that all this is self inflicted, so it is yourself can find your way out. It is between the ears to change your mind set and behaviour. If you can change your gambling behaviour, then you will feel better for it.
I hope this helps.
Ps stay sane, safe, calm, and take one day at a time
Change comes from doing something. You are writing about the issues that you have. That is change. You are communicating about how unhappy you are. That is change. Depression can also be an addiction. Sounds crazy but quite true.
90% of all addicts take care of their own addiction without seeking help. The first step is always the hardest but I can guarantee you that they all have the same addiction and they struggle with everything under the sun. But they take the step. Why? They have no choice and they have no alternative.
I hear that you are hurting. You have my sympathies but all of us here are only spectators. We can cheer you on but your field is completely empty. There is just you and the ball. It is up to you how you play it..
I am sorry that you feel that nothing has been able to help you with your gambling recovery, the members and moderators on the forum hear how angry you are and although we offer empathy and support; we can never fully relate to your story as we don’t walk in your shoes.
All we have to offer is ourselves. That may not seem to be enough for the moment but please know that we are always here for you.
I need to tell you that I am constantly surprised when I speak with gamblers who have tried to the point of exhaustion to get out of their gambling habit, and then suddenly for no reason that they can explain, it comes together, and they get passed it. So, it is worth preserving and being resolute about stopping as it is achievable, regardless of how problematic your gambling is for you right now.
I agree with Chris, in that I too feel that CBT could be helpful to you. As CBT works by helping you to notice and change problematic thinking styles and behaviour patterns, I feel that it could help you to explore your thoughts and feelings around some of the issues that you have spoken about in your post. With the right help and support many people do manage to stop gambling, it is finding the support and approach that is right for you.
I hope that you are still reading the responses to your post and that in time you may be able to talk to us if you haven’t already done so. We cannot have all of the answers for you, but we will try our very best to help you to find those. We are here 24/7 to take your call.
so i havnt read your earlier posts but you said on this "what will talking do " so have you not tried it ? if your not ATLEAST trying ANYTHING then what do you want ? people come here for support / advice which is what they have give you but you dont want to accept it ? so do u really want to stop gambling ? then take advice from ppl who ( even tho u think ur suffering the worste ) are in the exact same boat as you ! so if they give you advice maybe something you dont think would work or something that just doesnt interest you , why not give it a go ? what have you got to lose ? you gamble knowing you have everything to lose ! but you cant try something that will cost you nothing and lose nothing if it doesnt work ! i know gambling feels like it isnt a choice whilst doing it but getting help/support/ advice on here is defo a choice and if you just listen and try things it really helps im 7 days gf today and the only thing that is getting me through is this site , just reading peoples heartbreaking storys and resonating with them its a truley awful disease but you have to make the choice to accept help what is sitting back sayin well whats ga gonna do whats talking gonna do you are not going to quit gambling with this attitude there is no miricle click of the fingers
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