It's the day after the day before. I'm sure some of u know the feeling. Guilt, worry, feeling lost,not knowing what to do. I'm not one for sharing my problems, never have been. So when people say speak to someone close, tell them about your problems, your partner, a friend. It's not something I naturally do. With something like this there's of course the shame, but it's just as much the burden it then places on them.
The last 2-3 months apart from one relapse before now I've enjoyed life. Some of the daily worries that u have when ur gambling, constant attention being elsewhere had disappeared. I felt content again, and whilst I hadn't confided in anyone i felt good, strong and happy getting in with normal life again.
Today, it feels like I'm crumbling. Now everything seems difficult.
I will get through this and I see hope when I read posts from others. It's amazing to think that whilst I often feel alone, I'm not, at least not the only one experiencing this.
each time I relapse, I try and workout what triggered it. Was I bored, what made me do it?
2 weeks ago whilst going out to eat i ended up in a casino with my wife where I played black jack for about 15 mins. Was that the trigger? My wife's going away and will need spending money, is that the trigger? The feeling that I've worked towards saving some money and trying to avoid that amount reducing beyond what I'd expect. I don't know is the truth and I'm definitely not blaming anyone apart from myself. There will be a time when I need to ask for forgiveness. And I hope to do this soon. I just want to get to a better place first so I'm strong enough to go through that pain when it comes. Have a plan in place to show my wife a solution. That will end with giving her control over our finances. That day will come soon, as I need to stop going through this alone. I just have to make sure it's the right time for her to, when she doesn't have as much on her plate. Thank you for listening
Hi RBwanttogiveup
Thanks for sharing your experiences with us and as you say you are certainly not alone and I hope that you will feel able to continue to post and let us know how you are getting on.
Yes I think it is important to try and learn from a relapse so that the outcome does not have to be an experience without worth as it can also be a powerful learning experience. I also think it is important not to beat yourself up as your commitment isn't broken and you can renew your resolve. You talk about the constrast in feelings that you had when you were gamble free and how you are feeling now and the balance between these two experiences can also be a very powerful tool in helping you to remember why you have chosen not to gamble.
If you would like to speak to someone in confidence please call our helpline on freephone number 0808 8020 133 or on the netline where an adviser will be able to provide advice, information and emotional support. We can also put you in touch with a local GamCare face-to-face counsellor if that is a service you would like to access.
Best wishes
Forum Admin.
Hi RBwanttogiveup
I can totally relate to everything you have said in your post, I've always said my gambling issue was a boredom thing but I don't really know ! From my experiences I would consider telling your wife yourself and sooner than later, sometimes it might actually gain a little bit of credibility for being honest ! Something that us gamblers are not !! I shall look out for any future post to see how it's going.
All the Best
Darren
My husband is the CG in the house and I have been in your wife's unenviable position.
My advice would be to get her told and taking over the finances as soon as possible. There isn't going to be a good time to do it. She will find out. Telling her now puts you in control of how that happens and means you will have to actually action those blocks and plans you mean to show her rather than thinking about it.
Secrets are corrosive. I can't think of anyone here who's exposed them and regretted it whatever the eventual outcome. Yes, it's a hideous conversation and yes, there's going to be a lot of unpleasant fallout but keeping quiet isn't doing either of you any favours.
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