I’ve done 37 days gamble free which is something I’m really proud of after 14 years of consistently destroying myself.
I don’t know why but today I’m struggling and feeling very low, asking myself can I really not gamble again? Despite all the positive things I just crave gambling and escaping today, if that makes me a bad person then so be it. I don’t think this lockdown is doing me any favours, finding it tough generally like we all are. I will go to bed, sleep it off and get up fresh tmw with another gamble free day behind me but it’s getting tough. Is this normal? A lot of people on here say how it gets easier, how great it is etc. I think it’s the long lasting guilt too, why did I do this to myself for so long, all the opportunities wasted, money and time.
I’m 34, I can start over but it didn’t need to be this way.
tmw is a new day - day 38 something to be proud of at least I have that.
Hey Hiddenaddict,
Look I can only speak for myself but no you're absolutely not a bad person for still having thoughts of gambling. I'm 20 months into recovery and I still regularly have thoughts. Only last week I became absolutely transfixed on a sporting outcome that I believed would happen and I could not shake the desire to check the odds for it to happen. It was driving me insane that I "couldn't" bet on it or I was "forbidden". It was my addiction trying to get up for air and remind me of "good times" or "big wins" and get me to go down that route again. Thankfully I picked up the phone to a couple of my gamblers anonymous friends and I was able to talk through this with like minded individuals and it really helped. They also reassured me that this sort of thing happens and not to beat yourself up too much. Try your best to "keep it in the day" - just get through the next 24 hours sort of thing. And when that doesn't work, you're allowed to have "bad" days. Let yourself sit in it for awhile and it might take a day or two to pass. What I would say is that it is great to have people with experience of this to talk to so reach out to some people, even non gamblers can be good to talk to if you trust them. You're doing great pal, just hang in there and keep going.
Cheers,
Happy
This is why you always have to be ready to talk it though and find someone to talk to when you feel down.
Do you understand you are rattling from a drug addiction...its works the same way as the substances but the act of gambling sets up chemicals we craved for a fix
Our moods will ebb and flow and yes lockdown is not helping matters. However I am more stable now than Ive been for a long time and that is because Im gamble free and I have a moral support network around me.
So what is gambling going to do to make your day better...on those odds?
Temporarily escaping your mind is to go out of your mind and make your life worse on a bad drug? Its got more of the same in store for you. You know how dangerous gambling is for you and its the worst addiction in my book.
Its a mugs game....a tax on dreams and the blues. When you see it clearly its set up to profit from your misery. Its NOT a get it back later scheme and all the risk is with you.
You were ill...you were hooked! You have to let the feelings of guilt go. Ive offered to make some financial reparations to my family but at the moment they are quite happy that Ive been honest, have healed and sorted my life out.
Abstention is the only way. You should be getting stronger that they sold you a lie!.....A drug!. You will go through various stages but should end up calmer that you have self respect and control of your life back.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hiddenaddict - I know how you feel. I (too) often think 'what if'. But if I can give any advice it would be draw a line and move forward. You will never get back what you have lost and if you gamble again will inevitably lose more.
Your future is brighter gamble free and by Christmas you'll be so proud of yourself.
You can do it!
It's perfectly normal. You'll go through a gamut of emotions most days and just skip on by, but occasionally it can sit with you. It does me, even after three years and some and also working a program!
Just remember two things. This addiction will always be there and it will wait. Think of it as those joke birthday candles you can buy and when you blow them out they come back on. Not straight away but eventually they relight. I think of my addiction like that but because I know it can ignite I watch it, sit with it, and let it pass.
The second thing is from Gamblers Anonymous. It's a just for today. Just for today I will do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I had to do it for a lifetime. Basically don't worry about never gambling again, just know that you can do it for today and today only. Deal with tomorrow then, but you can not gamble for today because you've already shown you can.
Keep going. You're not alone. It will get easier.
Chris.
You can build a brick for a castle or build a brick for a dungeon. Every day without gets you closer to the castle every day with is making that dungeon bigger. Not easy when you are bored and dealing with angst etc but it is about looking at the outcome of the action. If it is any consolation I got a hefty speeding ticket today. We go through ups and downs all the time. It is about staying positive.
Best
C
Hiddenaddict - I know how you feel. I (too) often think 'what if'. But if I can give any advice it would be draw a line and move forward. You will never get back what you have lost and if you gamble again will inevitably lose more.
Your future is brighter gamble free and by Christmas you'll be so proud of yourself.
You can do it!
Great advice. I second this.
Giving into gambling is going to end in misery. Every time.
All the best, hang in there!
Beat
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