I’ve always known my boyfriend gambled online but over the weekend he admitted to what a problem it’s become. We’ve agreed for him to send his wages into my bank account so I can ensure his rent gets paid but I really don’t know what steps to take next. Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks
Hey - I told my girlfriend about my gambling problem in February this year. It's so easy for us to lie as it's a really silent 'problem' (gambling). We can put on a happy face, when in reality we've just blown our monthly wages a few hours before. I don't mean to scare you. I've just been there and done it.
Sending money into your bank is a good idea, but not convenient. What if he wants to go to the pub? He's going to need to call you to ask for some money. I advise you look into Monzo. They are a legitimate bank, with a big following. Just like Halifax, Santander etc. You can ask them to block gambling transactions, set ATM withdrawal limits, and just keep an eye on it with him. So once your boyfriend is set up with Monzo, cancel with his other bank, to avoid sending money across and gambling that way. Look it up, I use it and it's really good. It hasn't stopped me gambling completely. But it's really slowed me down, and makes gambling very difficult.
Hi Marnie6 and welcome to the forum.
Its eyes wide open time. You can help him if he is truly ready for help and a born again moment.
He should feel a sense of pure relief that his secret is out in the open because to be blunt gambling completely destroys people.
Then you protect the roof over your head and protect yourself financially for your partner has been an addict
Are you ready? because its not your fault......Soooooo its all money to you...he builds pride by living on a controlled allowance with receipts to you. You get access to credit reports and you go in with him to self exclude. Basically he gets no cash that would cause a problem and if he cant account for chunks of it you can assume he has been gambling
You monitor gadgets and install all the blocking software after excluding him from all online sites
Any moans or grumbles will show he is not ready. Its not about treating him like a baby ...its about saving his life, your relationship and any future quality of life.
Then you start learning about this as a drug addiction and the core of his soul. Why is he vunerable becaise there will be reasons its gets in.
Next it fades away but may always be in there so there is no room for complacency.
Its not a battle when he is ready. It can be beaten into history but it takes honesty and cold turkey period.
I wish you all the best. The forum is always here for you and you will need support from professionals family and friends. Take him to a gamblers anonymous meeting and push him through the door. He will see his past, present and future self there if he keeps gambling.
You have a job on but its not an impossible job if the love and honesty are there
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Marnie6 have a look at the Success Stories section at the top post (25 Years Off). There’s a comprehensive list of things that help me and a lot of others over many years.
# Quick Tip: this is a full blown addiction and you need to do as much as possible and not be selective about what you think will or won’t help. As gamblers I can assure you we don’t want to do any of it! But in my experience the couples that make it do 80% of what’s on that list.
All the best,