Hi, I am new.
I was gambling for about 2 years ago. I did with small deposits so everything was fine but 2 weeks ago I've found a more serious site...I made my biggest win ever (£2.6K) last week which actually pulled me out of my financial hardship. That money was free from bills etc. Pure savings let's say. I've never had that much money in my account ever. I felt so secure and relaxed. (Finally I can buy that shoes...) Guess what happened? I just got greedy... I played it all back...... Im devastated. (No shoes, £0 till payday...) I can't tell to my partner he would be so mad. Also I feel shame to tell.
When I was playing it back and there was a chance to withdrawn an amount (which would be better than 0 to survive till next payday) I told to myself: NOT ENOUGH, KEEP PUSH THAT BUTTON. No winnings? Change the stake higher it will might come....
I am about to block the sites. (Am I?) and read other storys however my mind still messing with me. I believe if I block and stop I will make that money back by saving my salary but on my other shoulder the little devil sits......
Once you tasted you will want it... BUT I DON'T WANT THIS AGAIN.
Every month (as I have a fixed wage) I spent time to calculate how much money I will have after paid all my bills and loans and I promise every single month to save. I want to buy a house so bad. In 2 years I haven't saved a single £ to put down a deposit at least. I checked my net deposit amount on the gamble sites and I saw actually I already own 2 houses at least....
Enough. Time to change...
Happy to talk with anyone who struggles or/and already out of this.
Welcome to the forum and for making a step forward, personal experience is we will never take the money as we are compulsive gamblers we will just keep going even if and when we get that big win.I have too been in that situation been significantly up only to put it all back in. That for me was a huge sign of not having any control.
If we kept on gambling the only people to win are the gambling company’s as we will just keep loosing and playing and bang back in the cycle the only way to win is not play .
Put the blocks on maybe speak to the helpline fantastic service ask about the counselling as I personally found that helpful to look at why we gamble and triggers around gambling.
That little devil will sit there as you say but Putting blocks in place and looking at In a different way will help and move him along.
It has took me several months to feel In control but day by day I’m getting there and you can too
Im 76 GF now life is so much better More money for those little treats and it feels more rewarding being able to buy them knowing I have not gambled.
I wish you well going Forward
Welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out. You have had some great advice so far from Holly and I am sure our other members will do the same.
In your post you said what you were using to gamble was free from bills, 'pure savings' but that you have £0 till pay day and you don't feel able to speak to your Partner. I am concerned for you and wonder if you are able to pay bills, rent/mortgage etc this month? I understand telling someone close to you can feel like a huge step but many say it is one they feel is very positive. Like a weight of your shoulders. Maybe your Partner could take over your finances for now too, to make sure you are able to pay for everything you need each month and to put some money in to savings.
Like Holly says, it would be great if you could call our advisers. They are available 24 hours a day and can talk you through this. They can also refer you for free one to one support which can help you move on. You can reach them on our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or through our live chat.
Please do keep posting here and getting peer support.
this is a situation that has affected many addicts and you certainly not alone, my personal experience was winning a big amount 2 days before a holiday and remember feeling like I’m going to have the best holiday low and behold 3 hours later I had lost my winnings the fact back then I didn’t care I lost I was happy with the buzz and had no regrets. Now looking back I have many regrets. I’m 10 days gamble free and still learning. I love reading and finding out different stories.
the advisors here are brilliant as well as the chat rooms they are really helpful. I turn to these and it really helps me. It’s tough but you have done the hardest part in admitting it and you will get that house and live your life gamble free. This is the start of a journey for you and we are all in this together. I hope to chat to you in the coming weeks and months and well done for taking the step to recover
You and i know your not gambling for the money, your gambling for the high/how you feel when your gambling, generally we don't stop until we collapse/fall asleep the tokens/money on the site is just extra feeling high time.
If you ever get to see another Compulsive gambler in freeroll, you will see glazed eyes and an empty expression, and when you look at them even if they are winning big at that moment, you feel sorry for them/embarrassment,
cause you know you can see yourself, a sad person in a hamster wheel getting high who will ultimately be very sad and confused repeatedly.
when you can be doing so many amazing things with your life, with that time... forget the money.
hope you are waking up, wake up, put those blocks in place, step back re-evaluate, however painful it feels/your brain screams at you wanting that high, gather your thoughts and wake up.
change your habits cause you know the road your travelling is only destructive for you, and you deserve better.
Take control, all the best
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