Back here again and totally lost

Good morning Brello777,

Welcome back. You mention above that previously you signed up to Gamstop and started your recovery. Other than not gamble for a small time what else did you do? What was your recovery? Did you go to Gamblers Anonymous? Did you talk to a Gamcare adviser? Did you give over your money to a partner and become accountable? Did you talk to anyone about your story and how you were feeling?

Do you plan on telling your wife or are you hoping you can juggle and hide the lies and debts from her?

In my experience just hoping wasn't enough. I had to come clean to my wife, to be as honest as I could. I told her everything so that I could live without having to lie all the time. It's exhausting trying to remember what you said to whom and juggling money, trying to remember to get to the post first so I could get the bills so she didn't see, always worrying about being found out! By coming clean I could start afresh. It was a huge relief to just be able to be honest. 

I then went back to Gamblers Anonymous and followed advice from them. I eventually got my mind back. No more suicidal thoughts. That was my recovery.

At the moment the GA meetings are shut in person but you could pick up the phone to a Gamcare adviser. Talk to them and tell them how you feel. Write more on here, get it off your chest. The more work you put into your recovery the better it will be.

All the best,

Chris.

I have been in your situation the piece of advice I can give you is tell your wife she will Shout she will be angry but if you do not tell her now it will get worse Believe me you must let her take over the finances put all the blocks in place and and read peoples diaries on gamcare but take responsibility it will help it’s hard but I know we all know and will will give Advice sometimes it might not be what you want to hear but it’s honest wish you well scotty 

Thanks guys. Yeah I just completely broke down and told her. She out her arm around me and said how proud she was that I told her and that we will get through it. I'm now sorting out the finances to transfer my wages over to her and only leave what is needed for our mortgage and loan payments out my account. I Need to do it this time. I've been sick 4 or 5 times today just at the thought of my actions. In all honesty I'm not bothered about the money more annoyed that I succumb to my addiction again. I feel utterly shameful what I'm putting her through and yet she promises to stay by me. This is all my own doing and I Will find a way out of it for both of us to I can give her the proper husband she deserves. 

Thanks again guys

you told her that’s a great start for you sure keeping money in your account for your mortgage and loans is a good idea for me if I had the money in there we would’ve been in a bigger mess I think you should give up all access to your bank Account and you open one just to keep some pocket money in for now because you will still have urges we are very lucky to have people who care for us you take care come on to the chat later it can help loads and it can Cheer us up.         Scotty 

Thanks scotty I really appreciate your kind words and taking time to message me back. Hopefully now it's the start of a new age for me. 

Really appreciate it mate, will start a diary to track progress aswell. 

Thanks mate

Well done!  Wishing you all the very best.

Nice One Brello 

Now the recovery journey starts but you will have to work at it and never be complacent again.

What you are aiming for is that feeling of serenity that you are getting help and know whats important.

Its a feeling you should already have but with a healthy focus you will begin to see that gambling was just a mugs game ands waste of your time.

You were hooked and that meant a loss of control. If you begin to study gambling as a drug addiction you will get a sense on how it worked its way into your bones.

Make no mistake though you can never be complacent again and you need regular discussion exercises with your loved ones on how you could be vunerable to triggers.  Bad news stress or even feeling on top of the world can be triggers for an addiction that doesnt want to let you go too easily

Its vital really you have no real access to cash for a long while apart from a petrol/sandwich allowance. Time location and money will need to be monitored but again you should feel no shame as its about saving your life

You will build a pride again and there is no shame in letting others manage your money...what good was it to you and your mind will take a long time to heal.

I am still building a healthy realtionship with money. I can get very scared to spend it even though I have more than enough. The main thing is Im not gambling and my gamble free life is better than I can describe.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hey Brello, may I recommend the programme I use called Gamban, it blocks your computer going on the sites, phones etc, covers the whole international gaming market and as it works on your hardware there truly is no stopping it - great when working with GamStop software too, £2.49 a month - this is not spam I promise it truly is not, but if you REALLY ever want to stop going on, register now, be brave - no regrets and good luck

Hi guys 

Firstly, thank you very much for the words of support and advice into making this process easier. So in now 3 days clean and gamble free. Added to that I had my usual Friday night beers last night and never got the urge to gamble. I opened up to my friends on our WhatsApp group which was a big help too as they'd noticed I had become detached from participating in the usual daily banter we have. 

I've now organised my finances with the wife. All that will be left in my account is for our mortgage, house insurance etc. She covers the rest so the bulk of my wages will be going to her. I'm hoping to try and reduce my debts by an extra £200 a month doing this aswell. Things are finally feeling a bit better. Day by day but there's a sense of relief.

I've had some pretty awful withdrawel symptoms though. I already suffer from and take citalooram daily for thag but I've had some pretty high levels on anxiety since quiting again. Little bit of sleep issues and loss of appetite but hoping this will pass soonish as they seem to be less severe as the days have gone on.

Anyway I'm going to start a diary about this as I want it to be a success and the last time I go through this. 

Tha m you again for the support. Yous are legends xxxx

Hello Brello777

Thank you for joining the GamCare forum and posting about your journey. Sounds like you've been on a rollercoaster the last few weeks. Well done for taking the steps you have, to open up to your friends, to hand some financial control to your wife,  and to post your story here. 

It's worrying to hear you've been physically sick and felt suicidal over this. If you're feeling suicidal it's really important that you get help. Your GP is the first point of contact to get referral to specialist services, and if you ever feel that you're at immediate risk of harming yourself, call 999.

We've also got some resources which may help you on our website (Scroll down towards the end of the page): 

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/gambling-impacts/how-can-gambling-affect-your-life/

If you'd like to get some more support with your gambling, we offer free group and 1:1 treatment, by phone and webcam. To find out more visit our website:

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/our-treatment-offer/

You're also welcome to contact the Helpline any time on 0808 8020 133 or by webchat.

Good to see you've started a diary, keep posting.

Best wishes

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hi deirdre thanks your comment. 

Thankfully doing a lot better than than I was 4 days ago. Still having slight withdrawel issues and heightened anxiety levels but everyday they are diminishibg slightly. I've been a lot more open this time to all my friends and family which has been extremely comforting. I'm now just counting down the next 2 days so I can declare myself 1 week gamble free ??