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Back again & embarrassed of myself  

 
Sam1987
(@sam1987)

Hi all, been a while but since joining 6 months ago when I was trying to quit. I've been reading all the posts trying to find strength but cannot seem to beat the slots gambling demon within.

Started when I was 15 and now 32 so it's been going on awhile, had to travel to Middlesbrough for work Sunday and ended up stopping at a service station and couldn't resist a go on the slots, went down XX then got a XX jackpot and was up.... Great!.... After a few more hours I'd lost it all plus another XX so in total XX down when it dawned on me I'd been in there nearly 5 hours and still being over an hour and a half from hotel I didn't end up checking in till gone 1am. I felt physically sick and exhausted, worked Monday and today and travelled the long distance home only to do the same thing in less time XX down in 1 hour 30 minutes.

 

So in essence 700 lost and I've travelled the distance off 500 miles on to have lost alot more money than I would of earned. 

 

I'm so sick of going round in circles, I have a long term partner and 7 year old little girl and I feel such a failure not being able to kick the habit. Don't get me wrong all the bills are always paid but the money wasted could be put to so much better use or for her future and holidays. 

 

Not really got anyone to talk to about the issues as I just feel ashamed of myseld and embarrassed. 

 

Amy tips of kicking slots appreciated, I'm installed gam ban and self excluded from most local arcades I'm not sure what else I can do to put barriers in place. It's like I like to torture myself. 

 

Thanks

 

Sam

This topic was modified 8 months ago by Forum admin
Quote
Posted : 21st January 2020 8:08 pm
Recovery Russ
(@recovery-russ)

Hey Sam, 

Welcome back, although I wish it was in more pleasant circumstances. My advice is to read around and see what is working for other people and try it for yourself.

Time, money and opportunity. The three things a compulsive gambler needs to cause devastation. Removing one of those things (at least one) can help. 

You say you have no one to talk to, there's a group of like minded people here. Come on to the chat room at 1pm/8pm each day and talk. You won't be judged.

I found this was much more than a financial problem for me, it was an emotional problem. 

Abstention may only get you so far, I know for me it wouldn't be enough. I needed to enter recovery and start becoming a better person.

Mark

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st January 2020 9:20 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

 

You know we walk around and try and figure it out so hard so long and we don't manage anyway. So rely on self-exclusion skills and if that does not work give your economy to your partner till you can rely on your ability to self-exclude. Our inability to stop or get the impulse to stop means we can NOT figure it out so don't try now. Try when you have forced that door shut and given yourself some time to get the distance from the addiction.

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st January 2020 9:25 pm
Sam1987
(@sam1987)

Thanks for the response guys ,  your right I need to put more restrictions in place and ensure time, Money and ability are removed. Thing is I know this but yet I fall back into the trap time and time again. It's soul destroying and after the tenth failed attempt you start to lose confidence in yourself.

Still time to start again day 1 gf starts tomorrow, I will keep logging on each day and reporting in weekly for myself if more than Anything else .

Sam

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st January 2020 9:36 pm
RouletteRegret
(@rouletteregret)

Hi Sam,

One thing I had to do in the past was change the limit I could withdraw on my bank card. I had to go into the branch to do this. I reduced the limit to fifty pounds. The reason for this was because back then I often travelled for work and needed to carry a card for costs such as food etc.

The limit worked to an extent where it stopped me gambling in moments of weakness. I wouldn't play roulette with 50 quid I would need at least 300 when going on a FOBT. Other barriers are required on top of this but it’s something to consider.

RR

This post was modified 8 months ago by RouletteRegret
ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st January 2020 9:48 pm
thedude1991
(@thedude1991)

Hi Sam. Did you go 6 months without gambling ? If you did well done. You shouldnt torture yourself anyone can slip. Yes its a lot of money for the UK almost 1 month of work after you pay all the bills.

I also went back few times with 100 and something before I have stoped for work. and now I have been staying gf almost 2 years.

Try to learn to be happy about the little things in life. I got to the point that I didnt want to gamble because I didnt even want to win the money that someone worked hard for I felt disgusted of it. Its not an honest way of earning money. We should have something to show for to get paid. My addiction was poker. I have no experience with the slots. But I know friend that has. He told me that once he passed out from too much alcohol and the slots were autospin and he had lost around 6 k over the night. 

We can never win with gambling but each day that you dont gamble you are wining. 

Hope you feel better. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st January 2020 10:59 pm
DaveS1988
(@daves1988)

Hi Sam,

Does your partner/family know about your compulsive gambling?

If not I would suggest owning up to everything. This addiction thrives off of secrecy. Remove the secrecy and the weight will be lifted off of your shoulders and you will stop going 'round in circles'. Your partner may be able to help in removing the money side of things by holding onto your cards, looking at your credit report etc. You need to be able to talk about it, you can't go at this alone. 

Do the right thing pal. 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 22nd January 2020 10:56 am
Sam1987
(@sam1987)

Hi guys, I've tried reducing limit with Halifax on withdrawals and they wouldn't do it. I have with Halifax barred any online gambling which is a great thing thing do and paired up with gamban that's elimated online. 

Sadly I've not done anywhere close to 6 months, i managed about 2 weeks but been on and off since then losing 300 to 400 a session on average. I've even won the 500 jackpot twice and just put it all back in. Tuesday was my last gamble which is when my original post was and although thinking about it with work I've not had opportunity to gamble, it's weekends when I'm weak.

My partner knows I used to gamble and been keeping it on the low so never really been aware of the extent of it , I sat down other down and wrote down some estimates on how much I'd exactly lost since I started when I was around 15 and its going to be over 100k gbp..... That's ridiculous I'd be mortgage free if I'd of not been an idiot.

Think your right about telling my partner all, that's the only way. I've recently helped her out of a large amount of dept and got her an IVA set up so I guess I've always thought I'm the sensible one with money and it's demeaning to admit I'm not. Day to day I'm great with money, saving when buying things and always getting the best deal but when it comes to gambling I'm a nightmare... I can literally feel my personality changing like the hulk and I don't like the person I become. I'm aggressive banging and shouting at the machine and I know I must look ridiculous, getting more and more worked up feeding 20 pound note one after the other in the machine until Im down over a weeks wages. 

Staying strong and going to keep writing on here every few days. Keep up the good fight guys it's S****y place to be and the amount of gambling adverts on TV, radio and as sponcers is shocking. My guess is gambing is only going to get worse, steps need to start being taken now and the government isn't interested as  they are coining it in to. 

Cheers guys 

 

Sam

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 23rd January 2020 7:25 pm
Sam1987
(@sam1987)

Ok I messed up again, this time went out with one of my friends on the Friday and ended up in arcades and at one point I was £1200 down I managed to claw back £450 but that means I'm now £1500 down in 5 days . That's ridiculous..... I've self excluded from that arcade now and others in the area. That really was rock bottom for me and if I hadn't sold my car this weekend id be maxed out in overdraft and I used alot of my daughters savings which I've now paid back. Going to re read alan carrs stop gambling book and look to attend first GA meeting. I'm sick of this, it's been 17 plus years now and it's a horrible currently underestimated illness that causes misery and pain for thousands. Why doesn't the government do something to help, its within their power but they turn a blind eye. It's like they willingly sell crack on the streets.

Any way this will be day 2 gf at a end and the start of many many more. I guess you have to hit the bottom to go back up. Carry on the good fight all.

 

Sam

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th January 2020 8:03 pm
Sam1987
(@sam1987)

Ok I messed up again, this time went out with one of my friends on the Friday and ended up in arcades and at one point I was £1200 down I managed to claw back £450 but that means I'm now £1500 down in 5 days . That's ridiculous..... I've self excluded from that arcade now and others in the area. That really was rock bottom for me and if I hadn't sold my car this weekend id be maxed out in overdraft and I used alot of my daughters savings which I've now paid back. Going to re read alan carrs stop gambling book and look to attend first GA meeting. I'm sick of this, it's been 17 plus years now and it's a horrible currently underestimated illness that causes misery and pain for thousands. Why doesn't the government do something to help, its within their power but they turn a blind eye. It's like they willingly sell crack on the streets.

Any way this will be day 2 gf at a end and the start of many many more. I guess you have to hit the bottom to go back up. Carry on the good fight all.

 

Sam

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th January 2020 8:04 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

Yes, it is nasty business slots. The book I heard yesterday summed it up pretty well. We go back to the slots trying to get the buzz so we can feel what normal people feel all the time. The dopamine we release into the brain the more we have to sit there gambling just to try and get back to normal. It sounds great when you hear it but there is more to it than that. I hate slots and I love them but in a way, one has to ask oneself why? Why sit there and get zoned? Because the author was right about a few things. It is totally man-made. The only person who got you to the slots is you. Another thing to mention is the description of the drug( gambling) The first high is free then you have to pay increasingly high sums to dealer just to feel normal and spend stupid amounts of time just to get down from the high which is when you have given the pusher every pound you have in your pocket+ another fact is that you feel pretty crappy every time you get off the high again and oh did I mention it is highly likely that your brain gets damaged and you can get Parkinson's, you can go into deep depression and you stand higher levels of risk of suicide? Makes you wonder why on earth one took that choice of high? Several other drugs that are much more appealing but there you are.

Make a decision to stop. If you want a good audiobook to listen to Allen Carr The easy way to stop gambling. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th January 2020 9:03 pm
c43h
 c43h
(@c43h)

One last thing.

We try and use gambling like a warm blanket so we can forget the world for a while. Some say its the girlfriend we can not get rid off so let me say this.

Gambling is not your friend. It never was. You are not in front of the slots because you think it is fun. It is just scratching an itch. It stopped being fun a very long time ago. Gambling is not your friend

Start treating it like the enemy.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 26th January 2020 9:25 pm
Sam1987
(@sam1987)

Thank you ch43 it's been a week and I keep remembering that feeling of guy wrenching sickness I felt and seems to be working, I've left back card at home and carry minimal money 20 or 30 pounds. Your right in what you say , it's that high of winning that you crave and if I'm honest I struggle to get that from other things in life only gambling. Hopefully in time it will return.

How long are you gamble free now ch43? 

Going to keep checking in as a reminder to myself and re read my ordinal message and remember the feeling of when I wrote it. 

Have a good weekend. Sam

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Posted : 1st February 2020 5:32 pm
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