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sweetnothingg
(@sweetnothingg)

I went 439 days without gambling and now I'm back again. I'm so frustrated with myself that I've fell down that hole again, the only positive is that I've not put myself in any debt and just used money that I had saved. I haven't got any loans to do it but its just annoying that the first lot of savings I've managed to keep has all gone in the space of a couple of days. 

It's affected my mental health dramatically and I hate myself for it. I'm back for support before I fall down any other holes and get back to the way I was before and ruin my relationship and ruin anything else in my life.

So yeah, I'm back and more motivated than ever to stop it. 

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Posted : 24th February 2021 1:01 pm
Sassaman
(@sassaman)

Glad to read that you still have your wits about you. Remember, the savings have gone. Painful, I know. They will not be recouped. Don't take out loans and don't chase. You're savvy enough to know what will happen if you succumb. You achieved a fantastic period without gambling, 439 days, and you know you can do this again. To dabble is the biggest danger for us all. I know you're raw and in a lonely place. You have all the power with what you do next and I know you'll get yourself back on track. Take care. You're not alone.

This post was modified 2 months ago by Sassaman
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Posted : 24th February 2021 2:29 pm
Winterishere
(@winterishere)

Great that you haven't got into any debt. Fall down 28 times, get up 29! Good on ya! 👍 Great attitude 

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Posted : 24th February 2021 2:53 pm
Soysauce147
(@soysauce147)

Well done so far. It is not how often you fall, it is how often you pick yourself up. 

Keep going.

Xoi

Ps stay sane, safe, calm, and take one day at a time

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Posted : 24th February 2021 6:36 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi SN.

I'm sorry to see this and you must now focus deeply that's its an addiction which bides its time if it has to....it will wait especially if it knows the chinks in your armour

What I have learnt is that its less about counting the days and more about a  readiness to discuss your feelings for the rest of your life. I dont feel weak now but I know this addiction is more powerful than me in many ways and I am never complacent about its power to return.

Focus on how it was readily accessible to you which equals an open door...a wide open door.

I was a constant relapser for 10 months after joining the forum. I was also deluded by the addiction that any gaps in my forty year gambling history was a sign a had some control.

I think that's one of the main factors which kept it going so long. I didn't know I was a total drug addict for it. I kidded myself that I had control and was just a bit stupid when I binge gambled.

I hope you will step this up by telling people close If you haven't already done so. The addiction laughs at your willpower alone because it will know you are alone to fight it. The power of people you can report to and wouldn't let down is immense. I suddenly knew I had to protect the people around me and that I couldn't lie or defraud them any more.

I simply had to tell people I trusted that I was a gambling addict in need of serious help. 

Facing the truth made me stronger. When my mind started seeing the light it was a no brainer. Nothing was awkward compared with an addiction that was killing me.

What I have to deal with is why it took me so long beacuse its been taking serious money off me from the age of twelve. Its a nasty insidious addiction which builds secrecy and makes us think we have to handle it alone rather than face the shame or embarrassment of the secret coming out.

Only there is no shame in telling the truth because its an addiction and mental illness.

So don't be too hard on yourself because the foundations have to be spot on before you can build high with recovery

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

This post was modified 2 months ago 2 times by Joydivider
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Posted : 24th February 2021 9:27 pm
Beat_gambling_today
(@beat_gambling_today)
Posted by: sweetnothingg

I went 439 days without gambling and now I'm back again. I'm so frustrated with myself that I've fell down that hole again, the only positive is that I've not put myself in any debt and just used money that I had saved. I haven't got any loans to do it but its just annoying that the first lot of savings I've managed to keep has all gone in the space of a couple of days. 

It's affected my mental health dramatically and I hate myself for it. I'm back for support before I fall down any other holes and get back to the way I was before and ruin my relationship and ruin anything else in my life.

So yeah, I'm back and more motivated than ever to stop it. 

Hi. Just to echo some of the other views on here, I am sorry to read about your relapse but there are so many positives from your situation. Your relationship is in tact as well as the fact you have not entered gambling debt. Savings you will get back again albeit taking time and starting all over. It takes a lot of courage to have posted on here after your relapse so your ability and determination to accomplish being gamble-free is in no doubt. I and everyone on this forum believes in you to succeed. I am humbled by your post though, as it shows after so long of not gambling you still have to be on guard 24/7. I am 112 days gamble-free but it means very little as this addiction is here to stick with me fighting me all my life. 

I wish everybody the very best of success out there, it is a devil of all acts. 

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Posted : 24th February 2021 11:41 pm
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