Hi
My wife recently found out that I have accumulated a £19000 gambling debt, I have used credit cards to gamble online and when I maxed out those cards and ruined my credit rating to the point that I couldn't get any other cards. I used money in my account and then our joint account to gamble. All the time telling myself that I could win it back!
I have always liked to have a bet, only small amounts, on football mainly, it was never an issue, however online casino games were suggested to me by a friend and I tried it, Initially I bet a small amount, until I lost the money that was in my account, then I used my debit card and before I knew it I was using a credit card to gamble, then I was chasing the losses, panicking if I lost and spending more to chase it back, then I maxed a card and applied for another. This went on until I felt there was no way out. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone!
I have felt down, I have felt low to the point I don't want to socialise with friends, I don't want to exercise, I can't focus whether that is at home or at work. Normally I am active, I have a big circle of friends and I've become totally withdrawn. I have even googled suicide. All of which is so out of character.
My wife found out when she found emails about gambling sites and credit cards on our laptop. She has been amazing(no surprise) helping me front up to what I have done. Accessing help through Gamcare and getting financial support to gain control of my finances.
When she first found out she asked me whether I was a gambling addict I said, "I don't like to think I am" but over the past days I have realised clearly I am and I have to accept that!
It does feel like a relief that it is out in the open, I have accessed GAMSTOP and GamCare have arranged for a counsellor to contact me. Do people find that this helps?
My wife has been amazing but I wouldn't blame her if she left, and that is the worry, that she is better off without me and leaves. But I have to respect whatever she ultimately decides. Can that trust ever be fully rebuilt? I have a beautiful family, more than anyone could wish for, and I can't understand why that wasn't enough to say stop.
I am determined not to gamble again and I do not want to relapse, if I did I would lose everything, I have no desire or urge to do so. But it has only been 72 hours, I think I would be naive to think I would never have an urge to gamble again but it is about controlling that.
Has anyone got any experiences similar to this?
Where have people gone for help, support and advice? What support mechanisms have people found useful?
Sorry that this has been an essay but any help and advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi chambo4557,
Welcome to the forum and posting so openly. We are glad that you have had some advice from us on the helpline/netline and you have been referred for treatment. Problem gambling can cause disconnection from people, activities and life in general. It can make people feel isolated. Recovery is about connecting. You are reaching out to strengthen your support network so this is very positive. You also have the support from your wife. 72 hours gamble free is very good, but you are right to be cautious. Put as many restrictions in place as possible e.g. we advise GamStop and blocking software. Some people find it helpful to plan their day in advance and structure it so they have other activities to fill their time. Perhaps explore what else you can be doing, and start to reconnect with activities you have let go. This could have a positive affect on your mood too. Thank you for sharing about searching on the internet about suicide. If you are still feeling as vulnerable then you can talk to us on the helpline again or the Samaritans 116 123. We are here to listen and we support your wife too.
Take good care of yourself
Best wishes
Fiona
Forum Admin
Hi Chambo,
You have done the right thing by telling your wife. Honesty is absolutely key if you are to recover. Well done for putting some blocks in place. How about asking your wife to look after your finances/cards for a while? How about giving her access to your credit reports? I found putting these things in place helped in the early stages where urges were stronger. As you've said if you were to gamble again you'd lose everything... that should be enough of a reason. Time goes fast and before you know it you will be 1 month, 3 months, 6 months gamble free and it gets much easier with time.
13th Feb 2019 I was in exactly the same position as you, and although my partner stayed with me I was very unsure as to whether she would continue to stay with me. However, by putting the work in and by not gambling, I started to become the person I know I am supposed to be again, the person she fell in love with. Show her your progress and you'll gain her trust back again. The further away from gambling you are the more you begin to enjoy life again, even the simplest of things, and you start to smile again and show happiness. She'll enjoy that side of you.
All the best mate. You've got this.
Dave.
I second everything Dave said above. I put in place very similar blocks and accountability and it was key.
it does get easier, all the very best with the journey- you can do this!
Hi I feel the same. I feel quite desperate to be honest. I have blown £1000 tonight. I've worked very hard since I left school and have managed to save a very good amount which sadly I am blowing away. I have never had a problem with gambling before I'm not even sure if I do now. I know this post is no help just so you know your not alone
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