Hi everyone,
My name is James and I am a 37 year old male with a gambling addiction since i was 14. I have gambled most days over this 24 year period. I seem to have it really bad. I will gamble bill money and food money with a view of "I could turn this into that and when I do I will withdraw it" sometimes I do win but I never ever withdraw. It's really simple to look back and think you fool, and I'm the best at giving others advice but I can not take my own.
I'm a failure and I have let so many people down most of all my two children. I have managed to hold down a career for the past 20 years and an income that most would be pleased with. That said, I gamble every penny that i have and I am in £100k worth of debt with nothing to show for it. Now is crunch time. If i don't tackle this head on, my name will soon be on a headstone. Low points in 2020 include moving back to Mums because i can not afford to live. Cancelling car insurance and car tax to have money to gamble with. Lieing to people to borrow money. Crossing lines and just being an all round disgrace. It's not the person that I am deep down nor who i want to be. I'm sick of the stress. Sick of the depression. If i could take a pill to end it all i would have done. I am a compulsive gambler, not naive to think otherwise. I do want help but i fear I can not be helped. I often ask myself why me? Why on earth have I been handed this nasty disease. What a sad life to be 37 and absolutely controlled by gambling. I need help, I want help before it's too late. I want to live a normal live and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes and to take one day at a time and I realise that I will never be able to bet ever again.
I was brought up well and have good manners and respect. I'm quite old school. Gambing can throw all of that out of the window. I'm only ever 60% in the moment. It affects my partner, my children, my family and my job. My moods are unbearable even though I try so hard to be normal.
I'm in a whole load of trouble. My worries keep me up at night. Gambling has always been that bit of hope. If I gamble then I could win and relieve pressure. If I stop and face my problems then they can't be fixed. All the time I had money I could gamble and I had hope. Stopping means facing up to things and that scares me so much. But bringing myself outside of that gamblers mentality, I see that there isn't hope through gambling, nit for a compulsive one anyway, so I have taken the step to join Gam Care and reach out for support and to take one day at a time and not gamble, not putting myself in more trouble.
Regards
James.
Hi James, I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through/are going through.
Signing up to Gamcare is a step in the right direction .. I’m sure the admin will reach out to you and advise you on the next best steps to help you. Installing Gamban would be a good move, this will stop you being able to gamble online. I think if you get a code off admin, you get a year for free too.
The advice I was given was to install Gamban and to hand over financial control to your partner or a trusted family member so that you don’t have access to funds.
I hope you are able to beat this awful addiction and wish you the very best on your journey
Miss P
Hi James,i can relate when i realised i had enough of gambling wa similar to how you have described. You have made the first big step which is realising you have a problem.
If you gamble online irecommend signing up to gamstop it allows you to self exclude from most site. https://www.gamstop.co.uk/sign-in
As mentioned above gamban is another great blocking tool gamcare can offer.
Its really not easy and its takes courage to put the blocks in place but now i have gamstop its the best choice i made if you have the urges it prevents you,others have banking blocks
I dont want to overwhelm you when your coming to terms with it all, but i just want to let you know your not a failure, you can turn it around and build yourself again im sure it would make your loved ones proud to see the change as well. Just take a day at a time
Lou xx
Hi James,
Thank you for posting on our forum and sharing so openly about your gambling and how it is making you feel. We are concerned that you make references to ending your life. We speak to many callers who feel suicidal and we offer you our full support and help. Despite the negative language you use to describe yourself, there is a real determination within you to start making changes. Many of the things you have described will resonate with other forum users and reaching out and talking about your situation is the best thing you can do for yourself to start minimising the harm caused by gambling.
Confronting your gambling may feel daunting which is natural. However, through the recovery process you can start to unravel it bit by bit and learn a lot about yourself and what you want for the future. At 37, you have many years to be living a happier life, to be more connected and more in the moment. We are listening on the helpline/Livechat 24/7 and you are welcome to talk to us one to one, even if you are struggling to sleep. We offer a lot of free advice, information and treatment options and we are able to give you some guidance about your debt. Please make use of our chatrooms if you feel it would help you as well. We also support your partner and family via our forum, chatroom and on the helpline.
Change can happen James, take care of yourself,
Best Wishes
Fiona
Forum Admin
Hi.
I understand where you are at because I have been there as well. I would like to ask you what you would like to see happen instead? We are always stuck in how bad we are feeling but not very much in where we want to go. You need, no have to focus on where you need to go because otherwise, you will be stuck where you are. Then start asking yourself this one question. How. How can I get to where I need to be? A plan will change your state from stuck to action and let us face it. You are now as far down as you want to be so to move the truck you will need to steer it to the right place again. Easy? H.ll no but there is no other place than to get back up again.
Best
C
Hi there,
I just wanted to tell you that Life can be better,you Can gain peace of mind and be happy again!!If you reached this forum it means you are looking for a change-and now everything is in your hands!!!
I completely understand how it is to live to play(for over 11years)-but I never expected that when I stop and block myself from everything that will bring me such a relief.It’s just this first step,decision that you have enough is the worst.Then in my case(3months GF)I can tell you that you can live without playing-maybe the life will be more boring?/stable but the positives are tremendous.
Please just do 1day at the time,you will notice the difference soon.
All the best?
Hi James
I relate to almost every word you say, age, family, how long I’ve gambled and the shame realising what I could have bought with that money. It is a long hard road out but it must start somewhere, the drug we reward ourselves for gambling is strong but can be beaten as many on here have proved, good luck.
Don’t give up on yourself , get some professional help or talk to someone who you feel will not judge you. Firstly you can not take on any more self blame, it’s destructive to your mental well-being. After so many years your going to have to reverse the pattern in your head of wanting to gamble even though your c**P at it. If you were a bad swimmer would you continue to try to get to the other side of the channel even though you know it would be hard ? I doubt it. You could try and start by giving your self small rewards every time you ignore the urge to gamble and soon you will see the gaps between the urges widen out. With regards to the money you owe get in touch with www.stepchange.org they can offer help and guidance. It’s a long road but shorter than the one that leads to gambling. Good luck and take care . Don’t give up !
Know exactly how you feel mate, thanks for sharing and all the best.
Great honest post James , soo many similarities with mine and i am sure many others on here . The thoughts , the struggles , the feel of being stuck , the anger , depression . You need support and help and this is a place I come to for that , the people on here , the stores you read are real and the connection people have is true , I take so much positive energy from this site it drives me on . I have fallen off the wagon several times and I am only on day 2 gamble free but I feel I think I’m fixed and lose contact with the site , people will see me most days because I need this site to keep me going .
Keep going mate and take a day at a time
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