Yesterday I went and did it. After 38 days of not gambling for some unbeknown reason the idea came into my head and 5 mins later I'd deposited some money.
Part of it is down to the time, money , access conundrum. My wife decided to call it a night early, I always have access and I had some money. Part of it probably comes down to the numerous adverts on Tv, Internet that act as subluminous messages.
Luckily for me, this time I didn't lose money and was up. But you know the problem with gambling, is the fact I have this horrible wasteful feeling/regret of not cashing out earlier and having a much greater return, 6* what I actually ended up cashing. It's that feeling of kicking yourself. I went down from my lofty position with a matter of a couple of mins having taken 2 hours to get there.
This was an old account that I'd previously "taken a break from" before I did call it quits 38 days ago and has only I imagine become active in them the past 20 days or so.
I let myself down yesterday. I've taken another break from it, set at the max allowed of 42 days. Why didn't I self exclude? Weak I guess. Wanting to have the ability to gamble if I really needed to. To earn/win back some of the money previously lost.
In the past 38 days there were some really difficult days particularly the first few and then after around a week. After that it became a lot easier and I was happier, not having that constant pressure to gamble in my mind.
I hope this was just a slip, I'm really trying hard to remove the temptations, doing other things to take my mind off it.
Time will tell.
Hi RB
Sorry to hear that you have had a relapse but your not the first and you won't be the last.
Getting to 38 days is a huge achievement and shows you can refrain from gambling but you have to really work hard at it. Can I suggest you exclude from all the sites you usually bet on and in addition download some blocking software. If you had these blocks in place you probably wouldn't have gambled last night.
You can beat this addiction but you have to really want it. Getting rid of your access to online gambling will help you resist the urges when they come knocking.
Wishing you all the best.
Silver
RBwanttogiveup wrote: .
I let myself down yesterday. I've taken another break from it, set at the max allowed of 42 days. Why didn't I self exclude? Weak I guess. Wanting to have the ability to gamble if I really needed to. To earn/win back some of the money previously lost.
You don't NEED to gamble and the idea of winning back previous losses (chasing) is futile. Eventually it will all be lost again. We're all here because of what gambling did to us, not what it did for us.
As was already mentioned in order for you to recover there first needs to be a desire to stop gambling. Simply keeping your mind off it won't work in the long run as the addiction will always be there waiting. I advise you do everything necessary like self-exclusion, counselling and/or GA, blockers etc etc if you really want to stop.
Just for reference you can self-exclude from a site even when you're on a 'timeout' or 'taking a break' just call them up and it's done. Why leave avenue's like that open anyway?
All the best
Hi RB , I think the trouble is that there's a huge difference between abstaining from gambling and actually accepting that you cannot gamble again , 38 day's is a big achievement and well done for that but your still giving yourself reasons to go back and gamle such as your wife not being around , the time money location triangle being open and the fact that your angry you didn't cash out when you should suggests that your still after revenge and still chasing what you feel your owed ? .
Please don't think I'm having ago as I've been through it all myself and know only to well how it feels , but It's about you changing your mindset by letting it all go , all the past losses should stay in the past and you need to accept there gone for good and that gamblings beat you to a pulp and that your not going to go back and square up to it once again where the outcome will always be the same , let it win for once and walk away my friend , you will never beat the system , the odds are always against you and most of all " We cannot win because we cannot stop " .
Everything should be in place to ensure it just can't happen , all those doors are shut tight but most of all it has to be something you really want , more than your next bet .
Best wishes my friend
Alan
Great post Alan and I totally agree with you. As I said in a recent diary entry for me personally I had to make a 100 per cent commitment to not gamble and I think for others that has to be the case.
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