2021 is going to be a year of change

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(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Hey everyone,

 

Bit of background : I was brought up in pubs as my family owned them and also we would goto the caravan. When I look back this is probably the start of my issues as I was always around and playing machines.

I had a normal childhood and teenage years no gambling apart from odd arcade machine but I was budgeted from parents.

Pregnant at 20 and couldn’t go out so started going to bingo and that’s when it all began! 21 single parent working part time with a gambling addiction! 

fast forward 10 years and my addiction hit an all time low when in one month I gambled £50k ! 

I went to uni and made something of myself got a degree and now have my own business which is very successful but I had to tell my partner how bad my gambling got and owned up to the £50k . He understood and we put things in place to stop me ie gam stop etc but to be honest there so many other ways to gamble even after GameStop which Iv found everyone of ! Even trading stocks ! 

I’m 4 months pregnant and we have a great life I run my own business have my 10 year old my fiancé and we have nice things like good cars a nice house but we have £60k in savings and we did have £110 but I blew that £50k.

I need to stop NOW! I had a game care advisor meeting every week and making the right steps toward stopping this crazy gambling however had a relapse and Iv just decided enough is enough ! 

I want to live a good life and I’m only 31 I don’t want gambling to be a part of it anymore and I want my kids and family to have a nice life and I don’t need to worry if gambling will creep back in ! 

this is day 1 of my diary and I hope I can get some words of wisdom for anyone who has been gamble free! 

only think I struggle with is I feel it’s impossible to be totally gamble free ie child comes home with a football card / my gran asks me to do her lotto / raffles at events etc aslong as I can be gamble free in a destructive slots etc way then I would be very happy in life! 

how do people cope with the above which class as gambling also ? 

 
Posted : 21st March 2021 5:31 pm
Sam1987
(@sam1987)
Posts: 80
 

Hi, 

Well done on taking the first steps, getting gamstop registered is the first and hope you have done this for the max 5 years like i dd. 

Here's a few things from my perspective.

Think of gambling like the fire triangle where you need fuel, heat source and oxygen. With gambling you need money, access and time. Try you best to eliminate as many in each category as you can

1. Money, freeze gambling transactions on your account or move to bank where you can. Pass funds across to your partner and just have a credit card for buying material items which you cant use for gambling online.

2. Access, gamstop register for 5 years and can also exclude from casinos and bookies if also a problem.

3. Time. Keep yourself and your mind busy as you can come up with other hobbies or interests and try not to think about gambling. Take things one day at a time don't think about 1 month or 1 year in advance.

These are a few things ive done and hopefully you will find them helpful.

It's not an easy ride and you will always be a gambler but be a gambler that doesn't gamble.

All the best

Sam

 
Posted : 21st March 2021 7:04 pm
(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Hi Sam,

 

thank you for the advice ! I have gave my partner access to my business bank and also personal so he can monitor what goes in and out ! 

I am coming to the busiest period in my business so I’m hoping time won’t be a problem as I will be very busy and also with a new baby on the way! 

im just totally done with it all now, like ever get to the point your just like what the heck am I doing and bored of the constant losing money ! 

I am very fortunate that although I ran up debt and was skint with gambling I still have a lot to show for my life and want to start a fresh and just have a life without gambling! 

I bought a diary for work and everyday I am going to mark in a day I haven’t gambled like you said take each day as it comes and watch my progress 

 
Posted : 21st March 2021 8:30 pm
Sam1987
(@sam1987)
Posts: 80
 

Hi, yes i get it totally.

I like you am fortunate with good job and ive never gambled so i cant pay my bills or mortgage, ive always gambled all my "spare" money or savings.

 

Sounds like you have a plan, stick to it and dont become complacent in progress. I've got to 100 days plus and relapsed because i started thinking i was regaining control. As gamblers our minds are wired differently and you need to battle each day and ensure you have the blocks in place and they remain.

I dread to think how much i lost since my initial gamble at 14 now being 33, probably enough to have brought my house outright. Need to write off the money and concentrate on how you are going to progress forwards.

Keep checking in on here, read other peoples threads and remind yourself of the feeling you got losing that 50k and tell yourself you won't allow it to happen again.

Sam

 
Posted : 21st March 2021 9:28 pm
(@happy123)
Posts: 41
 

Hi @newbeginnings2021,

I could actually relate to a lot of what you said in your initial post above. I never really valued money when I was in college and I also was funded by my parents for those four years. I was still living at home and my Dad used to give me a few bob every month so I could go out at the weekend with friends etc. I also took out multiple loans when going on holidays and I just had a very bad relationship with money to be honest. As I said, I never really "valued" money as it was easily accessible and therefore it made it easy for me to gamble money online as I didn't think of it as currency, it was more like just "numbers" that I was placing on bets.

Anyway fast forward probably ten years and after not dealing with things well in my life in terms of relationships, family problems, kids etc, I leaned heavily on gambling as an "escape" and it got me into a lot of trouble financially. My partner caught me out in 2019 and at that stage I was probably 30K in debt. This wasn't all to do with gambling losses but without gambling, I would never had been in such debt. Like Sam has mentioned above, I would probably own a very nice house now considering my average salary over the last 10 years, but as it is, I am still renting and looking for help to get on the property ladder. Thankfully in the last 20 months I have managed to eat away at a lot of those debts and also saved a bit of money for a deposit for a house too which looks achievable in the medium to long term future now.

Just on your point about staying "completely" gamble free. If someone approaches you with a lotto ticket, child's school raffle try not to stress. Obviously there will be some people that don't know about your affliction so what I tend to do if just purchase the ticket as a "donation" and tell them to keep their ticket. Either that or just tell them you don't gamble anymore. Big thing is to not get too stressed over it as that could lead to something else. Anyway as Sam has also mentioned, you're doing really good, just try to "live in the day" and "do the next right thing". I know that these sound like very clichéd terms, but they do really help.

All the best,

Happy

 
Posted : 22nd March 2021 10:27 am
(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Hey thanks for your reply and yeah I can really relate to what your saying also it sounds a lot like me ! We don’t own our house we are renting but it’s a lovely nice house we have and I could defo have bought a house out right with the money I spent over the years ! 

4 years ago I entered into a debt plan to write my debt off and I have 2 months left of it and I’m free! I don’t want to go backwards and end up in debt again and I want this to be a fresh start and trying to take each day as it comes ! I’m happy to be around gambling we also own a caravan so it’s difficult to not be with arcades etc but aslong as I know I can walk by and it doesn’t bother me anymore would be amazing ! 

I am going to keep posting on this forum as I go as I feel it’s somewhere to be accountable ! I’m fed up of gambling ruling my life and don’t want to ever go down that route again Iv wasted 10 years but I still have plenty ahead of me to live a gamble free life! 

hope you are doing well on your recovery x

 
Posted : 22nd March 2021 10:56 am
(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Thought things were going well but had an Account which is outside the gamblock scope and had money left in there and played and then here we are spent more money and raging with myself ! 

I just wish I could hit my head off a wall sometimes give myself a wake up call like what the hell am I doing ? I have such an amazing life and I ruin it by doing stupid things.

Does anyone have advice on like getting a sponsor ? I did go the ham are programme with a professional but it would be great to have someone on the same level ie been through it and can chat to get some advice and tips not from a counselling point of view.

I am coming to the busiest period in my business like I’m going to have some serious cash in the bank around £100,000 + and I need help to stop now before I just ruin my whole life away ! 

I think I’m good and done then find something else , I have since emailed to close the last and final account I have but I need to learn to stop this ! Like I barely drink coz I hate hangovers gambling is the same I know I’ll feel rubbish but it still creeps in! 

 
Posted : 1st April 2021 9:43 pm
Chris.UK
(@chris-uk)
Posts: 887
 

Go and find a GA group. It's full of people who have been through it. Lived experience it's called, so it's relatable to you. You'll be able to find a sponsor there too.

Chris.

 
Posted : 2nd April 2021 11:37 am
(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Update :

 

not gambled or thought about it for almost a week now ! I feel I needed that bump int he road to go and block all EU sites and online trading ! We moved all our money into savings  and new business accounts so my partner has full view and we are in process of setting up a joint account ! 

my business is booming at present with the next tax year opening (I’m an accountant ) and I feel positive and on top of the world right now and my head is clear and free of the gambling madness ! 

our second baby is due in 20 weeks and being able to just buy what we need without worry is refreshing compared to my first child when I struggled financially due to gambling. 

I want to and will be a survivor of this and I feel the baby is a fresh start and he can have a life without a gambling addict mum !

 
Posted : 7th April 2021 9:17 pm
(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Update : I think the most important thing to stop you thinking about gambling is knowing you don’t have any way to even if you got an urge.

I have zero access to any online platform and I don’t go to a bookies etc! 

I have been doing a lot of positive mindset and focusing on what’s important in life and that is my family! 

I feel content / carefree and not a gambling thought in sight ! 

 
Posted : 12th April 2021 1:51 pm
(@newbeginnings2021)
Posts: 17
Topic starter
 

Update :

 

how amazing is life without gambling ! I can think clearer and life is more in order and makes more sense ! I love having money in the bank and knowing I’m not chasing my tail trying to win back anything I have lost ! 

I am a better partner / mother and my business is benefiting from my clear and positive mindset as it’s pushed me in to grow it even bigger than it already is ! I feel relaxed knowing my future is bright at the age of 31! 

 
Posted : 30th April 2021 1:31 pm

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