Hi all
1st post but I really feel as though I have hit a new low with gambling. To give a bit context I'll give a brief summary of my story:
About 10 years ago I first started gambling in casinos after the odd night out. Initially I had a bit of 'luck' and walked away with a few decent wins. Blackjack and roulette where my go to games. Of course the wins didn't last and I quickly found myself losing a lot of money; payday saw me blow a month's wages in a night and within a few short months I had spent 4 figures of savings. Without going into detail I then stole around £5000 from my employer, was caught, convicted and was handed a fine and compensation order. By this point I was gambling in shops on the FOBTs and also online. I racked up substantial debt and eventually admitted to my family what had been going on.
With their support I was able to stop gambling 'cold turkey'. I held down 2 jobs to start paying off debts, self excluded from my online accounts, got a girlfriend and now have a daughter. I rebuilt my credit rating, used a consolidation loan to pay off my remaining debts and for the 1st time in a decade had a little bit of money to spare each month. To all intents and purposes I was a success story.
Yet a couple of months ago I opened a new online account, just for fun...... As before I had a couple of wins and that was it I told myself, a nice holiday would be paid for and I'd leave it alone. Obviously it didn't work like that; I lost the winnings, then lost another £200, then lost £500 from some savings I had built up then last night I tore through £1300 on a credit card in less than half an hour.
I woke up this morning feeling awful. As soon as my brain started working 'normally' again I knew how stupid I had been but for those few minutes when I'm gambling my mind goes haywire and I make up all kinds of irrational nonsense in my head.
I'm probably not at crisis point again yet but it's on a not too distant horizon. I've self excluded the new account and I'm looking into blocking software but I'm not sure it's enough. Can anyone offer any further advice? Gamblers Anonymous would be difficult for me as I have quite severe anxiety, I'm not unwilling to try it but given my frame of mind at the moment I'm not sure how capable I would be.
Any advice and support would be appreciated. I've been in some pretty dark places in the past and really want to avoid going back there.
Hi Stu
I almost feel I don’t deserve to comment on your post, as I have only stopped gambling for 12 days. But I wanted to say well done for coming back at the right time. You’ve done the right thing, before it gets out of control again.
Have you signed up to Gamstop? It excludes you for up to 5 years (recommended) so you are unable to open anymore accounts with any online uk casino, or play on previous accounts you had.
This along with the blocks you already have will keep you from any online gambling. Perhaps try and set up one to one counselling. Again the advisors here on gamcare can help set that up for you. This may be better for your anxiety than a group situation. And this should help with any urges to go into a betting shop or casino.
So much help available. Support from the amazing people on this site is invaluable, and the advisors on live chat can help you so much.
wishing you all the best
Hi stu
I understand your pain. I was gf and i relapsed in april and lost 3k. Im now slaving away working lots of OT just to make my money back.
You have done well to get into such a good place and it only takes a few moments to spiral out of control.
You can go again and fight this.
Write down whats important in your life and how your actions impacts that.
I.e. spending time with your family> if i gamble i miss out on time spent with them..etc
Then read it when you get the urge to gamble.
Hi Stu,
You know the drill. Get every block in place to remove opportunity.
Youre a compulsive gambler and the only way to stop and remove these awful feelings, is to remove opportunity. If you don’t, you can’t guarantee you won’t gamble again.
As liveinhope says, maybe we don’t deserve to comment cos we are all in same boat, but I’m now 167 days in and never thought I’d get this far. I’ve learnt what works for me by reading around the forum, setting a few challenges, keeping busy and using the great network of support here. I suggest you do the same, but well done for being here mate.
ive got betblocker installed and its worked very well so far. that on top of self exclusion makes in impossible for me to make a deposit. remember even if you win on these sites theres almost always the urge to go back and win more. best option is to stop it completely.
Hi
It was hard for me to hand over all of our finances but it made it much easier in doing so.
The simple fact I could not trust myself having to much money on myself.
Only once I surrender completely and live one day at a time, just for today I will not gamble.
It is a boundary I set for myself to no longer live in fear and escape in unhealthy ways.
I found out that time off my addictions did not mean that my inner child was healed.
Being in the recovery program I mix with people who are dedicated towards being healthy and people who are willing to work as a team.
The recovery program works like mountain climbers tied together with ropes who find safe and secure ways of learning and finding new skills in living a healthier life today.
By writing down my needs, writing down my wants, and writing down my goals I was going to extend myself in so many ways.
By writing down things I am getting more focused on things in my life.
By writing down things I am getting more clarity and understand setting best sequences to get things done.
Because of my fears and nervousness lack of confidence and low self esteem I found it hard to stay focused on one thing at a time.
It was important to exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
It was important and easier to have full productive days
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Many thanks for all your replies and good wishes.
A busy and productive day today. I've got myself sorted out with Gamstop and signed up for the 5 years. I've also spoken at length with my Dad who was a huge support many years ago. Hopefully removing temptation from my fingertips in terms of online gambling will help, it certainly won't hurt. As has been said above I am a compulsive gambler and I need to remove the option to gamble as much as possible.
When I 1st set out on my road to recovery I always counted the days since I last gambled. Somewhere around 700 days I stopped counting because I believed I wa done. It looks like it's time to start again. 1 day GF.
Hi
I'm interested to know how long you were gamble free for?
Hopefully it is ust a slipup. Best not to punish yourself over it. Just move on and take it as a lesson.
Hi
I'm interested to know how long you were gamble free for?
Hopefully it is ust a slipup. Best not to punish yourself over it. Just move on and take it as a lesson.
I was gamble free for 5 years and 6 months, give or take.
After stopping completely for a couple of years in 2009 I 'allowed' myself a few small bets on horse racing, particularly the likes of Cheltenham, Goodwood and so on. I quickly realised that my betting was becoming increasingly frequent, albeit with relatively small stakes and I was able to resist the FOBTs and casinos which were the formats that caused my most self destructive behaviour. However being in the environment, either online or in person, was just needless temptation. I had a bet on the King George VI chase on Boxing Day 2013 and until last week hadn't placed a single bet since.
Thankfully I have felt ok over the last week. I think I have been lucky in that the financial damage was bad but not destructively so. I am in a position now that if I don't gamble I am able to repair things relatively quickly. In the past I would have become increasingly down, gambled more and ende dup on the familiar downward spiral. This time I've accepted the mistake and thrown my energy in to trying to sort it.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
