10 years of Spread Betting - Am I starting or ending

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 PICA
(@pica)
Posts: 31
Topic starter
 

Today, again I decided to stop. For the third time this month and have lost count of the number of times over the last 10 years. I googled, called a number and now I am here awaiting an appointment to speak to a counselor.

As a 14 year old and buying shares,  I always ended up loosing, until I met a stranger at a function who introduced me to CFD's, and within the year 2010 lost our savings, meant for a deposit on a larger home following our new born daughter.

Being interested in economics and financial markets, I always had an opinion and although having kept myself far away from markets, one day a work colleague in 2014 who opened up a demo spread betting account, and asked me for an opinion, a few months later told me that he had forgotten about the account and on having a look was substantially up. And he informed me of the advantages of spread betting, and asked me to advice him on the picks.

Following that year and to date I have consistently lost more than I have earned, with very low feeling, along with depression, I would recover and then in a month or two detect an unmissable opportunity, it would start with very small bets and within two or three weeks, I am near betting the house, and one big loss always comes up and takes it all away and a lot more, biting away at a small inheritance left by the family. 

I know that if I continue for another year the bottom of the barrel does not seem far, and being of an age...48 where starting again is something that is unimaginable.

We are a family where I can see my wife careful with spending and so am I, but this hidden virus within is completely obsessive and out of context to the people that we are. Even my 10 year old daughter is careful with her spending. When I get in, I need to be constantly tracking my position. 

I have always thought that after every bad hit, I will stop forever. But that day never comes.

I never imagined I would be a gambler. Especially after seeing my father gamble away everything that the family had, including a successful business, and for 2 years having unsavory characters knock on our door and at the age of 55 years my father made the wise decision of allowing my mother to take charge or all finances, and he received an allowance.

What he did made my stomach turn, and I hated any form of gambling, but today I have succeeded in multiplying the value of his losses many times over.

While my wife has unquestioningly trusted me with the family accounts and payments, I repeatedly feel this  deep sense of remorse and betrayal. Where although I told her of the 2010 loss which was the deposit on a house, Although visibly upset, she calmly said that we are fine with the flat that we are still living in. 

We are both earners into a joint account that my wife never looks at and she is unaware of the last 5 years, as the inheritance did not make it look bad. And whenever she would see me on the phone she would assume  that I am buying or selling shares,as we gamblers can talk it through.

I could go on, but today I made that telephone call, I do not have friends as such, just family that mean the world to me, including her parents and mine.

I know that I have let down the deep trust that that they have in me, and I cannot and will not fathom this ever coming out.

I seemed to find solace in the fact that, I have never stolen, borrowed and always given my family all that they have needed, but the hurt of having betrayed their trust is something that stabs deep.

I guess this is the furthermost that I have ever gone in talking about my problem, and can only say to any and everyone it is not worth it.

Today is my first day and I hope to keep counting.

God Bless.

 

 

 

 

 
Posted : 3rd February 2020 7:39 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)
Posts: 4883
 

Hi... I have just red your story. You sound like a very intelligent and genuinely decent human being whom nonetheless has got sucked into gambling.... and whilst you probably don't need somebody else to say this to you, but you do very much have an addiction. Its an addiction to "risk". Its all or nothing thinking. Your brain has re-wired itself, looking for the next "unmissable opportunity", the next "dopamine hit". And as for the fact that you haven't borrowed or stolen to fund your betting, all I would add to that, is the word... "yet".

Take steps to stop yourself going any further down the betting road. Find the courage to tell your wife and allow her to manage or at the very least have oversight of the finances.

I am also a compulsive gambler by the way. My situation is completely different to yours and yet the mind set is much the same.

All the best

 
Posted : 4th February 2020 9:27 am
 PICA
(@pica)
Posts: 31
Topic starter
 

Thank you for that. You certainly seem to have simplified it, and I agree and take full responsibility for being an addict.

I did spend several hours till late last night reading up on the posts and addictive problems out there.

Feeling myself wanting to engage with others and encouraging them started giving me a sense of purpose and strength with my own problem. I do want to continue with it, as it gives me a bigger sense of purpose.

.... but I am a novice at being a recovering addict, which in reality may be 33 years ever since getting involved in financial markets, until yesterday I always fooled myself into believing that I was the smart trader spread betting on indices and commodities, but in the end an addict is an addict.

My wife is someone I really cannot talk to on this, as although she would be upset ..... it would ultimately be the path that I would need to walk, as she just does not want to know family finances.

Thank you for opening my mind to the possibility of "Yet"

Maybe that is an excuse.

I thank you for your words of support, they mean a lot to me.

God Bless. 

This post was modified 4 years ago by PICA
 
Posted : 4th February 2020 10:03 am
(@slo_steady_recovery)
Posts: 11
 

Hi Mate , I also had a serious spread betting and CFD addiction lasting from around 2007 to 2015.  It followed me through all of life's tribulations including moving to Australia.  I have three pieces of advice for you and please do all. 

First is to go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting.  Trust me, its highly unlikely you will encounter another spread better - I have encounter not one while I have been attending my local group.  But the thing to remember is that all gambling is different shades of the same colour.  Its exactly the same.  Listen for the similarities rather than the differences and share your story.  Can't recommend this enough.  Without GA  I would be living on a park bench now. 

Second - immediately stop reading the financial press. Stop reading forums, message boards, bloomberg - everything.  Its amazing how much that is freeing - not having this idea that you need to be woke all the time to see whats going on. Similarly don't look at charts or prices.  Just leave all that behind for a while.  CFD providers know that by giving you all the charts etc makes you bet more.  They know the more info you have, the more you bet. They also know the more you talk about betting, the more you bet.  

Third is read a book called Win,Lose,Repeat by Chris Stringman.  Its on Amazon Kindle.  He had a serious CFD addiction for a number of years and he reflects on how the companies lure you in and most importantly keep you coming back for more. Gambling is afterall the only of the main addictions where the solution to the addict is that to eliminate the issue, they must do more of the gambling! Its crazy isnt it?  There are some great insights in the book like losing a months wages betting on the open of the S&P 500 on non-farm payroll day then literally 5 mins later having to eat a meal with your partner as if nothing has happened.   Makes me shudder to remember that. 

Please hang in there mate  - let me know how you are doing. 

 
Posted : 16th February 2020 11:35 pm

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