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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 15:15

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

9/5/18

ncantnHi, I am new to this so not sure where to start or what to say. I have been gambling for at least 10 years which recently has been getting worse by playing £7.50 or £15 a go on the slots. I have spent a couple of years trying to give up on the gambling- the longest I've gone without gambling would probably be about 4 month but for some reason I've come back into gambling again. The weirdest thing for me is I know gambling is bad, I know I'm losing money but I still carry & put myself into a difficult situation. Recently I was up at least £2600 but thought I'd keep going but of course I'd start losing a couple of hundred and this is when I try win back what I lost then lose the whole lot and start putting more money in- it's been like this for many years now. I've not really been able to speak to anybody about my gambling issue because I had the attitude of "it's my problem and I'll deal with it". The last thing I want it to tell my partner/family, so after losing so much money last night & today I've made the decision to myself to give up and seek help from the professionals. I have just recently download the Gamban onto my iPhone which seem to have done the trick to block any gaming websites on the internet, I've also signed up for the Gamstop self-exclusion and also requested for online counselling. I'm hoping this will be the beginning of a new fresh start of my life. I want to be bet free forever!! 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 15:26

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

I've also been looking at other people's forum, I'm going to write in this forum everyday until next year 9/5/19. I think this may help remind myself of the things in life and what gambling can do to you. 

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 20:52

AcesLow

Joined:
2018-04-25

Hello Babygirl. I joined recently as well. Your story sounds a lot like me. I too was recently up around 2k on the slots and then proceeded to lose the lot playing huge bet spins, and then chased the loss with my own money.

Gamban has proved brilliant so far for me, I would recommend it to anyone. I constantly have the urge to gamble as it's early days (2 weeks gamble free), however, I can't access any sites with my phone or computer to do so. I'm hoping in time it'll get easier and I'll stop wanting to play, but in the mean time Gamban is really helping.

I hope you can stay strong and that we're both gamble free this time next year.

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 23:11

wittle71

Joined:
2018-04-17

Your story is so typical on here . I wish you luck. We are all going through something similar to you . Try to be strong

Posted on:
Wed, 09/05/2018 - 23:25

Ukds69

Joined:
2018-04-28

Hi Babygirl, yep it never fails to amaze me how the traits of us CGs are so similar. 

Great idea to try and post every day. I am doing exactly the same right now and it definitely helps I can tell you.

Sounds like you are making all the right decisions as well, nice one. Believe me, I tried so hard to sort it out on my own, for the same reasons as you mentioned. My mess, I will sort it out!

It took a long time before I came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t going to happen. The devil in my ear was just too strong and influential. I have been seeing a counsellor for nearly a year now, and now with the added help of Gamstop, I have slowly being building up my resolve. Until I finally feel, after a ridiculous amount of years playing online slots, that I am in control of this evil addiction .

That said I am also acutely aware of the need to never let my guard down, the devil is still there, just currently taking a nap.

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/05/2018 - 16:07

Hazard2myself

Joined:
2018-01-28

Hey, thanks for posting on my diary yesterday. I'm so pleased to know that my posts have inspired you to create a diary for yourself.

You have mentioned above that you have stayed GF for 4 months in the past. I'm confident that with the help of so many positive and amazing people on this forum you will be able to stay GF for a long time.

Well done for taking necessary preventive measures such as downloading gamban app on your phone. Online counselling is a great platform to talk about about your issues especially when you don't want to open up with your closed ones. However, I do hope that one day you will find the courage and strength to share your gambling issues with your family especially partner because that lifts a huge weight off your shoulders and works as a motivation to stay gamble free and prove to your loved ones that you are ready to change.

I wish you all the best in your recovery.

Pras

Posted on:
Fri, 11/05/2018 - 13:04

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

Thank you everyone for the comments which has encouraged me to keep going. 

 

@aceslow- well done for your commitment so far for 2+ weeks, since we both recently started this Gamcare forum- this could be our motivation to support each other to fight this. 

@hazard2myself- I totally agree telling partner and families would make a massive different to yourself but unfortunately I have things going at the moment with my partner and would hate to ruin that- maybe one day when I'm ready to. Will keep this in minds.

Now, I did not post anything yesterday which I should have because it's only GF day 2 but yesterday I had a very busy day from 8am til 10pm non stop. We had an appointment at 10am which is very positive for myself and my partner. My partner returned to work while I had the day off which I then walked the dog onto the field for 45minutes then popped  out to buy a BBQ from Argos then driven around for about an hour looking for a gas bottle- who knew finding a gas bottle would be such a nightmare!! Eventually finding a gas bottle I returned home and it didn't stop there- I had to put up the BBQ and then cut the garden branches, lawn the grass and water the grass. It was already 4pm when my partner cane home, we started prepping the BBQ food for our friend who came round late that evening. So I've had a very productive day yesterday however I still woke up yesterday morning feeling very disappointed in myself with the way I've gambled recently but also very worried about how I let this happen, how this could effect me,my money situation but I'm just trying to encourage myself to think about the positive stuff and the fact that I have seeked for professional help, it's just at the moment I feel very disappointed and down about it all. Hopefully this feeling will change in the next few days or weeks. 

Back at work today- been a busy morning so far. Currently on my lunch break atm and thinking abit my GF 3! 3 days doesn't seem satisfacting enough at the moment but I have to think positive and the outcome it'll be for me to stay GF forever which to me would be an incredible achievement considering I've been gambling for 10 years!! I really hope I'll beat the devil and resist the urges to gamble! Hope you all have a lovely weeekend, I will message briefly tomorrow. 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 11/05/2018 - 13:07

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

Thank you everyone for the comments which has encouraged me to keep going. 

 

@aceslow- well done for your commitment so far for 2+ weeks, since we both recently started this Gamcare forum- this could be our motivation to support each other to fight this. 

@hazard2myself- I totally agree telling partner and families would make a massive different to yourself but unfortunately I have things going at the moment with my partner and would hate to ruin that- maybe one day when I'm ready to. Will keep this in minds.

Now, I did not post anything yesterday which I should have because it's only GF day 2 but yesterday I had a very busy day from 8am til 10pm non stop. We had an appointment at 10am which is very positive for myself and my partner. My partner returned to work while I had the day off which I then walked the dog onto the field for 45minutes then popped  out to buy a BBQ from Argos then driven around for about an hour looking for a gas bottle- who knew finding a gas bottle would be such a nightmare!! Eventually finding a gas bottle I returned home and it didn't stop there- I had to put up the BBQ and then cut the garden branches, lawn the grass and water the grass. It was already 4pm when my partner cane home, we started prepping the BBQ food for our friends who came round late that evening. So I've had a very productive day yesterday however I still woke up yesterday morning feeling very disappointed in myself with the way I've gambled recently but also very worried about how I let this happen, how this could effect me,my money situation but I'm just trying to encourage myself to think about the positive stuff and the fact that I have seeked for professional help, it's just at the moment I feel very disappointed and down about it all. Hopefully this feeling will change in the next few days or weeks. 

Back at work today- been a busy morning so far. Currently on my lunch break atm and thinking abit my GF 3! 3 days doesn't seem satisfying  enough at the moment but I have to think positive and the outcome it'll be for me to stay GF forever which to me would be an incredible achievement considering I've been gambling for 10 years!! I really hope I'll beat the devil and resist the urges to gamble! Hope you all have a lovely weeekend, I will message briefly tomorrow. 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 11/05/2018 - 14:00

wittle71

Joined:
2018-04-17

So positive that you're posting . Keep it up . Stay strong

Posted on:
Fri, 11/05/2018 - 20:08

AcesLow

Joined:
2018-04-25

That sounds great and well done on your continuing resolve. As a slots player myself, I have to say it gets harder so be prepared. Thankfully Gamban is coming to my rescue. Do you have it installed on all your devices?

I will confess I really love the feeling of playing slots and at the moment I am suffering withdrawal from them. How pathetic is that?!
I'm really hoping that over time I will move on and forget, so fingers crossed these blocks will keep us on the straight and narrow until that time.
Slots are my only vice, is it the same for you?

Posted on:
Mon, 14/05/2018 - 20:18

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

 

Hi guys, hope you all had a good weekend.

@aceslow how are you doing?

I have to admit I'm feeling the withdrawal too, I just want to gamble to win back the money that I lost which obviously isnt helping at the moment however I am now GF 6 so I need to change my attitude and thoughts to forget about those losses and start fresh. When it come to gambling with slots- I tend to lose so much and it gets out of hand betting £7.50 or £15 a go but when I play blackjack or roulette I tend to be quite sensible with how much I put in which is rather odd really. 

So I've not posted since Friday which again I've had a fairly busy weekend with my partners family and christening on Saturday. So with the busy weekend I've not thought about the gambling but back at work today I've started feeling abit raw with the losses I had the last couple of weeks. I'd like to be able to sit at home or whenever I'm bored and not having to think about gambling- I think when that happen to me I would probably start feeling better about myself. Look forward to that dAy! GF6!!

 

Posted on:
Mon, 14/05/2018 - 22:39

Joydivider

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Babygirl.

I hope you will consider telling people close sooner rather than later because the addiction has to be faced on a fundamental level and family can provide a much needed reality check and area of support.

Its such a strong addiction that we are not in control of our own minds. Its quite a complex addiction based on all sorts of things. Often the money is not the most important part for addicted gamblers.....the near miss creates the same chemical rush and its about the feeling of playing at the expense of all else.  The gambling dens know its easy to condition Humans to push a button for a reward and we will keep pushing that button until the bitter end.

We were all generally confused in the early stages. I was thinking I am a controlled adult in other areas so I will sort this mess out myself. It doesnt  work like that though and willpower needs the full backup of exclusions, monitoring, and no access to any serious cash.

There is no shame in admitting to a problem. I know you are scared what others think and I understand that. Part of it is that it just wont sound rational because it isnt. Addiction is an illness whether thats alcohol, drugs or gambling. Gambling is also a drug to the brain so its not really in a seperate chapter. 

Its early days for you and you have a lot to learn. Im not trying to have a go or sound patronising. Im just trying to make you think deeply about this. Im glad you are starting the blocking software. There is no room for any complacency though and I would prefer that your born again moment had some monitoring where you could build your pride with family help.

I would prefer you were not keeping any secrets from family but it entirely your decision how you deal with this.

It can be made history and I know you can do it

Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of control and serenity

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

Posted on:
Tue, 15/05/2018 - 20:33

AcesLow

Joined:
2018-04-25

I'm actually the opposite there, my slots activity is a little conservative and never really peaks past the £2 mark. I've learnt in the past that I never ever get the bonuses when betting big. It's all a massive scam, as we already know! I love the rare big bonus rounds on the slots, but when they don't come I start getting bored and bet big on black jack, never been a fan of roulette as I never win - don't know what kind of rationality that is either?! Writing this stuff down is quite comical, I can see it's an absolute farce and yet I'm still compelled to do it. Be great if there was something easy that could rewire this bizarre compulsion/ attitude we all share here.

Anyway, I hope you're doing well, it's great being busy as that removes the 'time' part of the equation which enables gambling. Have you plugged all gaps as far as your available devices go? I learnt the hard way that having even one device with access to gambling will lead to further heart ache. Get all your devices blocked from gambling, that's a HUGE one if you ask me.

 

Posted on:
Mon, 21/05/2018 - 13:18

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

 

Hi, I may have been naughty to not posting anything for over a week but the good news is I'm now GF 12, looking forward to reaching GF 31(1month) .Last week I had a very busy week with work and sorting things out in my personal life. My wife went to see her family over the weekend while I had to stay at home due to call out so this was a challenge for me to not think about gambling and I'm proud to say I did not once have the urge to try gamble online or go to a local betting shop although I had kept myself busy by decorating a room in my house which resulted to a happy/surprise wife when she came home Sunday but I'm aware that because I've not thought about gambling that doesn't mean I'm already past it. I've got a long way to go especially after gambling for 10 years. I've recently received an email from Gamcare online treatment- a date has been agreed to have a one to one session through Zoom so I'm nervous but also looking forward to these sessions to seek a professional help to understand the situation. 

@joydivider much apprieciated to your post last week, it was an interesting read so thank you for pointing out some facts about the gambling. It has certainly given me something to think about. 

@aceslow I've only got access to my phone which I've already downloaded the block so I'm unable to gain access to any gaming website. I've got a laptop and iPad but shared with the wife so I wouldn't dare to get access on them. I've also signed up to Gamblock. How have you been so far? 

GF12!

Posted on:
Thu, 24/05/2018 - 18:19

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

GF-15!!

It has now been three days since I last posted on here, currently walking my dog at the moment while my wife is out with her friends. So the last three days has been quite productive which again has helped keep me distracted l. I have not really thought about online gambling for the last 15 days until right now while I'm walking the dog. I just suddenly felt this urge to gamble online which then got me quite nervous but for the first time in 10 years- Gamcare came to my head and helped ease my urge and here I am posting a comment and surprisgely worked. Feeling very good right now. I can do this. I can fight this.

Have a good night guys 

 

 

Posted on:
Tue, 29/05/2018 - 15:47

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

GF20!

So I have just had my assessment counselling today, will be having my first counselling session in 2 weeks time. Hopefully this will help me understand the issues I'm having and how to deal with it. 

I'm feeling quite thankful to Gamcare/Gamstop, having these gamblock on my phone has helped me massively. It made me smile knowing the fact I'd would not be able to gamble through my phone again- I know this may seem ridiculous but for the sake of the gamblock I tried googling slots website just to remind myself that I'd never be able to get access again and it was a big relief for me. Just wish this was installed a few years ago. Up and onward! GF20! 

 

Posted on:
Mon, 04/06/2018 - 10:00

Babygirl

Joined:
2014-10-26

GF 26! 

Really pleased with the progress so far, I'm now GF 26- only 5 days til 1 month GF. Will be posting again on here on GF 31. Have a good week guysb

Posted on:
Mon, 04/06/2018 - 21:51

Forum admin

Joined:
2010-11-01

Hi Babygirl,

Welcome to the Forum, well done on reaching 26 days gamble free, it is positive that you are using the support of the forum and the people contributing. It sounds like you have taken some positive steps. 

 

It seems like you are using the forum section to talk about your current progress and steps you are taking, and your recovery exprience. You may find it useful to begin your own reocveyr diary in the Recovery Diaries section of the forum.

Please continue to use the forum and support of the people here, and feel free to contact our advisors for any further information and support.

 

Take Care

 

Forum Admin