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Life Changing Diary

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 06/02/2019 - 17:50

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Okay Cliff. Maybe the moderators can change this to your diary as I think it's confusing you.

So. Write your write up of your journey either here or make a new one. But this can be your recovery diary.

Okay Sweetheart?
Bella xx

Posted on:
Wed, 06/02/2019 - 19:06

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

Thank you bella.
So i can just right my diary in here can i?
My diary wont be that interesting i dont have much of a social life its mainly work.
Its great to have someone like you to talk to.
I just wish i could have met you ages ago then i probably would not be where i am today.

I need a good night out i think and start getting a social life

Posted on:
Thu, 07/02/2019 - 00:43

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Cliffharris82 wrote:
Thank you bella.
So i can just right my diary in here can i?
My diary wont be that interesting i dont have much of a social life its mainly work.
Its great to have someone like you to talk to.
I just wish i could have met you ages ago then i probably would not be where i am today.

I need a good night out i think and start getting a social life

Yes write what helps you here, if you can't find where to add one yourself. This is yours now sweetheart.

Keep up with being gamble free. Chat in your diary even if to log in daily and discuss the weather.

Okay?
Goodnight hunni.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Thu, 07/02/2019 - 06:29

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

So yesterday i was feeling a bit delicate as i had a drink the night before.
We was working away in chiswick london.
And was staying In a premier inn.
I had one of my work lads with me, we had finished the job early so i said we could have a couple of drinks we ended up drinking more than a couple.

The good news is I did not gamble if i usually have a drink i would usually gamble.
I was really pleased yesterday about this even though i felt hungover, until i got back to base in newbury to find that i had 3 new starters to train, not good lol

Posted on:
Thu, 07/02/2019 - 20:37

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

What a day!!! Very busy at work, i also had a phone call today from my wife and she has told me my little girl cried today because sky turned the internet off because i didnt pay the bill.
I know this is my fault and i will pay the bill but it felt like she was just trying to make me feel bad.

Today we also spoke about divorce. She doesn't know if she will ever want me back,
But to be honest i dont feel like going back.
I know she will hold this against me forever , we used to argue alot anyway.
I will be there for my kids what ever happens.
Anyway not all bad i still aint gambling.
Just another day

Posted on:
Fri, 08/02/2019 - 01:02

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Hi Cliff,
She's hurt that's her way I'm assuming to get you to hear her feeling sad and letdown. Arguments may have been because she suspected you had something going on, maybe she thought you had another woman.

Have you asked to sit down and chat with her? Without shouting.

Sounds to me like she still loves you, and who knows what the future brings. She may not hold it against you. She may forgive you. But first you got to forgive yourself. And learn from the error of your ways, which I mean by this, why you gambled. What can you do say to change it won't happen again, whether you go back to your wife or you meet someone new. Go read the posts on families. It's a eye opener to see how hurt they also feel when told their loved one has gambled the money for their futures.

I got a nowtv usb that goes in the back of the TV was £14.99 it has all sky programmes on it. Worth looking into. It's cheaper and has a kid channels. Just a idea.

Keep busy at work hun.
Have a better day tomorrow sweetheart.
Goodnight Bella xx

Posted on:
Fri, 08/02/2019 - 21:33

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

Today was a struggle with training all the new employees but as its friday i new i was going to see my kids which has got me through the day.

I am now at the house i used to call home and i know its wrong but i have let my little boy stay up so i can spend as much time with him as possible.
He is such a little character.

My little girl who i adore who is 5 did not want to talk to me because she couldn't use her tablet but i have explained to her that i have broke the internet because i had spent to much money on things i shouldn't but i will fix it in a couple of days.

She gave me a big cuddle and said she loved me, this means alot to me.

I will make everything right that i screwed up and i will be the dad that the kids deserve not the waster that gambled.

I feel positive that i will not gamble and i will get myself out this hole im in.

Thank you too the people who have supported me so far.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/02/2019 - 00:55

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

You changed your name.. Shall I change the diary title?

Keep that positive vibe Cliff. You got this, think of the promise. You broke the internet but your going to fix it. So glad you saw your kids today and it's fun to stay up so don't worry about that.
Keep smiling sweetheart.
Chat tomorrow.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Sat, 09/02/2019 - 00:57

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Your on Day 25.. I noticed on day 28 the gamble urges started to stop. Keep going very proud of you Cliff.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/02/2019 - 06:08

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

Hi bella,
I hope you are well?
Could you change my diary title that would be good.
Do you work nights or something? I have noticed you write on here late at night, sorry if im being nosey.
I have been up since 4.00 am and just seen a text from my wife which she sent a 3.35am saying she is staying out.
She went out last night about 9.30pm and said she was going for a couple of drinks which is not a problem but like always she never came home.
I have told her that i am sorry for my massive mistake but her staying out all the time and not coming home really screws with my head and that we will not be getting back together because of this.
I am trying to sort my life out and i will not be treated like this.
I know i have done wrong but staying out all night is wrong too isnt it?
Anyway i cant wait wait for my kids to wake up im looking forward to spending the day with them.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/02/2019 - 09:16

Sean1

Joined:
2009-12-06

Hi cliff

Nice you are posting, I find coming on here most days gives me focus and keeps me on the straight and narrow. Well done in continuing not gambling. Sorry to hear about your wife, if she showed you support I am sure you will get through this tough period a little easier.

Shaun

Posted on:
Sun, 10/02/2019 - 00:09

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Life changing wrote:
Hi bella,
I hope you are well?
Could you change my diary title that would be good.
Do you work nights or something? I have noticed you write on here late at night, sorry if im being nosey.
I have been up since 4.00 am and just seen a text from my wife which she sent a 3.35am saying she is staying out.
She went out last night about 9.30pm and said she was going for a couple of drinks which is not a problem but like always she never came home.
I have told her that i am sorry for my massive mistake but her staying out all the time and not coming home really screws with my head and that we will not be getting back together because of this.
I am trying to sort my life out and i will not be treated like this.
I know i have done wrong but staying out all night is wrong too isnt it?
Anyway i cant wait wait for my kids to wake up im looking forward to spending the day with them.

Hiya Cliff,
Have you moved back in with your missus? Or staying weekends. Don't judge without evidence. Staying out doesn't mean anything. Got drunk staying at her friends. She's very angry at you that is obvious from what you have said. Her friends are probably influencing her decisions.

If you do love her, then don't throw in the towel just yet. Wait it out.

I don't work nights, It use to be my gambling time, midnight onwards. Now it's my reflect time and transferring £1 from one bank account to another every night. (I explained to bank why, and been very supportive).

Sorry your going through this mess, have you read the families part of the forum. Maybe ask a question there, but you need to create a post to ask. There will be a hurt wife there maybe she/they can explain what pain they are going through.

Gambling does make the gambler do things that may look suspicious to others. Maybe she thought you was seeing someone else, then when you gave her the news. It's sent her in a type of grief or anger mode.

Have you rung the helpline? Maybe they can offer counselling for couples?

Well sweetheart, enjoy your Sunday with the kids, try not let this lead to arguments. Maybe silence will be best. Just my opinion. Being a woman, we absolutely hate the silent treatment.

Goodnight hunni.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Sun, 10/02/2019 - 00:13

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Ps.. Not being nosey. Your asking questions. That's fine.

Posted on:
Sun, 10/02/2019 - 00:21

CJ.

Joined:
2019-02-08

 

Hi Cliff,

Your story really touched me today and hit home that I could be in a similar predicament if I don’t change me.

I think it’s great you are looking at what you have and evaluating where you have been. I feel your pain especially with the arguments and uncertainty ahead. 

Enjoy your weekend and moments with your children as they grow up to fast. Capture them on your mobile or camera and when you are having a rough time replay them or look at their smiling faces to take you back to that moment.

@ChasingRainbows, may I ask why you transfer £1 a day? Is it because you’d make a transaction a day on a betting site? Sorry to pry, I am just curious.

Posted on:
Sun, 10/02/2019 - 00:35

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

CJ.Evans wrote:

 

Hi Cliff,

Your story really touched me today and hit home that I could be in a similar predicament if I don’t change me.

I think it’s great you are looking at what you have and evaluating where you have been. I feel your pain especially with the arguments and uncertainty ahead. 

Enjoy your weekend and moments with your children as they grow up to fast. Capture them on your mobile or camera and when you are having a rough time replay them or look at their smiling faces to take you back to that moment.

@ChasingRainbows, may I ask why you transfer £1 a day? Is it because you’d make a transaction a day on a betting site? Sorry to pry, I am just curious.

Aww CJ that capturing of moments is lovely. Such a good idea.

The £1 a night.. Sean1, puts £1 per day in a Jar. But I rarely have money on me. So I transfer £1 from my main bank account to a Cashbuilder account.. Every night and tonight I have £112 that's 112 days of no gambling. I transfer it to my own bank account. I will keep saving. It's a reminder to me that midnight I use to lose a lot. But now I transfer £1 each night as a reminder.

No worries about prying it's okay.
Hope life gets better for you too.
Goodnight.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Sun, 10/02/2019 - 00:52

CJ.

Joined:
2019-02-08

@ChasingRainbows

Such a cool idea. I must do the same. It’s £112 you wouldn’t have had before plus it helps you with the number of days you’ve achieved :o)

I have been looking at a form of saving and my account has an internal pocket I can move money into like this.

CJ.

Posted on:
Sun, 10/02/2019 - 01:05

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

CJ.Evans wrote:

@ChasingRainbows

Such a cool idea. I must do the same. It’s £112 you wouldn’t have had before plus it helps you with the number of days you’ve achieved :o)

I have been looking at a form of saving and my account has an internal pocket I can move money into like this.

CJ.

Hi CJ,
Yes you could. It's still your money that way, it's just moved. And my bank account now looks healthy. No idea if it's helping with credit rate. But definitely a incentive every night to see it go up. It started from £1.

Try it CJ.
Sorry your going through hell right now, it will get better.

Here's a quote from the book I mentioned on your diary.

"Those who set the odds always win at the end".

Goodnight hunni
Chat tomorrow.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Mon, 11/02/2019 - 15:57

A 9

Joined:
2018-08-31

Hey Bella and thank's for the drop bye :)) . 

Hoping that the " Eagles " Didn't keep you awake for too long last night :)) . 

 And as for this place you know what they say " You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave " :)) 

Have  a great day and talk soon   x 

Posted on:
Mon, 11/02/2019 - 20:19

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

A 9 wrote:

Hey Bella and thank's for the drop bye :)) . 

Hoping that the " Eagles " Didn't keep you awake for too long last night :)) . 

 And as for this place you know what they say " You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave " :)) 

Have  a great day and talk soon   x 

Hi hunni
This account was created by me but not my diary its for Cliff as he didn't know how to set a diary up.
Yes that tune was still in the background all today.
Chat soon.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Mon, 11/02/2019 - 23:50

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Hi Cliff..

Not seen you for a couple of days.. Are you okay? Come chat.

Hope life is treating you better.
Goodnight Sweetheart.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Tue, 12/02/2019 - 23:49

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hello Cliff Harris. It is 28 days since you last gambled and I would like to congratulate you for that. Four weeks is a long time for a compulsive gambler to go without a bet. 

Hope your keeping ok and you and your wife are managing to resolve your differences in an amicable manner. Talking is good but argueing generally just makes things worse and upsets everybody. 

Your diary records your journey to a gamble free life, where hopefully,  one day, you will find peace, contentment and happiness. It is a record of your recovery from gambling addiction and hopefully in time to come, you will be able to look back on it with pride and a sense of achievement. It is good that you are posting on this thread but maybe starting your own diary would make it more meaningful to you. It is quite easy if you decide that is what you would like to do. At the top or bottom of the diaries press the blue square marked 'Topic'. Than enter the title you would like to give to your diary and press 'Submit'. 

My heart really goes out to you and your family because I have been in a similar situation and can empathise with your suffering. Take care and always be on your guard. The addiction might try telling you that a big win will solve all your problems but you, me and everyone on the diaries knows that's a load of old codswallop...stephen

Posted on:
Wed, 13/02/2019 - 18:20

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Self Sufficient Stephen wrote:

Hello Cliff Harris. It is 28 days since you last gambled and I would like to congratulate you for that. Four weeks is a long time for a compulsive gambler to go without a bet. 

Hope your keeping ok and you and your wife are managing to resolve your differences in an amicable manner. Talking is good but argueing generally just makes things worse and upsets everybody. 

Your diary records your journey to a gamble free life, where hopefully,  one day, you will find peace, contentment and happiness. It is a record of your recovery from gambling addiction and hopefully in time to come, you will be able to look back on it with pride and a sense of achievement. It is good that you are posting on this thread but maybe starting your own diary would make it more meaningful to you. It is quite easy if you decide that is what you would like to do. At the top or bottom of the diaries press the blue square marked 'Topic'. Than enter the title you would like to give to your diary and press 'Submit'. 

My heart really goes out to you and your family because I have been in a similar situation and can empathise with your suffering. Take care and always be on your guard. The addiction might try telling you that a big win will solve all your problems but you, me and everyone on the diaries knows that's a load of old codswallop...stephen

He struggled to do that, that's why this was created for him. He's not posted in 3 or 4 days. I do hope he's okay.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/02/2019 - 19:14

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

Hi Stephen thanks for the advice but i think i will keep writing my diary here because my sweetheart bella set this up for me and that means something to me.
I am ok bella no need to worry i have just been extremely busy.

The last week has had some ups and downs.
It started with me going to see my kids at the weekend and then my wife kicking off again.
She cut short my time with the kids which was gutting.
We have decided not to get back together which has been on the table for a while.
Tuesday we started talking again which makes things easier.
Wednesday i had a big fall out with my boss but i have been part of the company for years now so no harm done.
To be honest it done me good to srgue about something that was not to do with my mess up.
Today i am good and i get paid tomorrow and i have alot to pay out and guess what?
It wont be on gambling i am going to get on with my life and get my self sorted and i now know where i stand with my wife so this means i can look at moving on.
I still miss seeing my kids every night but i will get used to it.
I promise it is all here nothing to worry about.
Thank you bella for your concern its nice to have new friends that understand and wont judge me.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/02/2019 - 20:41

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Life changing wrote:
Hi Stephen thanks for the advice but i think i will keep writing my diary here because my sweetheart bella set this up for me and that means something to me.
I am ok bella no need to worry i have just been extremely busy.

The last week has had some ups and downs.
It started with me going to see my kids at the weekend and then my wife kicking off again.
She cut short my time with the kids which was gutting.
We have decided not to get back together which has been on the table for a while.
Tuesday we started talking again which makes things easier.
Wednesday i had a big fall out with my boss but i have been part of the company for years now so no harm done.
To be honest it done me good to srgue about something that was not to do with my mess up.
Today i am good and i get paid tomorrow and i have alot to pay out and guess what?
It wont be on gambling i am going to get on with my life and get my self sorted and i now know where i stand with my wife so this means i can look at moving on.
I still miss seeing my kids every night but i will get used to it.
I promise it is all here nothing to worry about.
Thank you bella for your concern its nice to have new friends that understand and wont judge me.

Aww Hello Sweetheart,
So nice to see things are improving and no gambling. I had my fingers crossed that you hadn't gone to the dark side. Yeah a little argument with a boss probably did you good. And really glad your on talking terms. That way hunni you can move on with your life. And maybe when she sees you doing well she might make a play for you.. Happy Valentines night.
Keep smiling.
Bella xx

Posted on:
Thu, 14/02/2019 - 21:37

Life changing

Joined:
2019-01-24

I have promised myself never make the same mistake twice this includes the gambling.
Happy valentine's night x

Posted on:
Thu, 14/02/2019 - 23:57

ChasingRainbows

Joined:
2016-04-12

Life changing wrote:
I have promised myself never make the same mistake twice this includes the gambling.
Happy valentine's night x

That's a good motto. Have a fantastic day tomorrow. Hope you get to see the kids. Night night hunni.
Bella xx