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#1 Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 18:27

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Hi all. 

 

 

First time member. At a loss for words, where to start, gambling became a massive issue for me around 2016 I lost nearly 15K and had to be bailed out by family and friends. On the basis I get help, which I did, but it was so instilled in me it didn’t work (has anyone had this?) move forward to 2017, in probably a week i lose 35K, massive debt and massive self loathing. Family and partner hate me but help me a second time. Nearly lost them for good. I’m still and will be paying it all back for many years to come.

Move forward to tonight, I’ve just blown a 3.5k overdraft for the second time. As last night I blew it but managed to win it back and now I’ve just cancelled the withdrawal and blown it again. I am now maxed out on my overdraft too.

I feel sick to the bottom of my stomach. What took an hour will take months and months and charges and charges to sort. I cannot believe how idiotic I am but like people say on here I enter a trance and ‘I’ll win it back, I’ll win jt back’ mentality.

I signed up to this after reading some stories thought I’d post my own. Counselling doesn’t seem to help me. Gambling is always in the back of my mind when short on funds or not in the best mood. Does anyone have this issue? How do you stop it cause I’m really at my wits end - to the point I feel like just doing everyone a favour and stop causing them so much ****.

I’m a father and loving husband, my wife knows nothing of this occasion...she’d rightly leave me with the little one if she did.

I feel so ****, with no way out and the more debt i accrue the more i want to gamble to get it back and pay it off. Though i know deep down it wont happen.

Just had to vent before I did anything stupid.

Looking for understanding really and what people have done to help themselves...I always get the counselling answer or speak to Stepchange etc. The debt is payable - means we live off toast, but stepchange will say do that, and for me counselling doesn’t help. So stuck and depressed but all to myself except for this site...help

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 18:36

Vin47

Joined:
2018-11-20

Sorry to hear you’re having a bad time. Practically you should register with Gamstop, this’ll prevent you playing on any online UK casinos. It’s been a game changer for me. 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 19:00

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

You been there Vin?

No one understands or would understand mate. I mean you would get the ‘how stupid are you’ but you know that, if it wasn’t an addiction you wouldn’t do it would you. 

Keeping it from the mrs is hardest for me, she can read me like a book.

£6 a day for an overdraft wont help. Queue next problem though, its made me turn to the whisky. I self loathe so badly.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 19:55

Lil30

Joined:
2018-09-12

I feel for you completely. How long have you stopped for before? I'm on my thIrd attempt, completely screwed up all rent/bills this month and really struggling to tell anyone, or ask for help. I found much help here, and really just struggle with how much i’ve lost and how much i’m letting everyone down. I think having a bit of peer support on here can make all the difference.

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:24

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thank you. The hardest part for me is the self loathe once I’ve lost (which i always do cause even if i win I’d carry on.)

Ive stopped for months at a time, yet i always then find myself watching roulette videos on youtube or something, seeing them all win thousands and wondering why I’m so broke. Really am my own worst enemy.

Sorry to hear about your rent and bills, I work in banking, and know they should do everything they can to help...its just making the call isnt it. Its a ticking timebomb for me, until the interest and charges take over...I know I’ll put my family first though and the loans and credit cards can do what they need to to me if necessary, long as the essentials are paid. 

Have you managed to tell anyone at all? My problem is close people have known and helped more than once, its sheer embarrassment and guilt and the rest to even look at them in the eye and ask for help again, I deserve this is what i keep telling myself. Are you gamble free? How is it..

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:37

Stelvio

Joined:
2018-12-21

Distraught1

I feel your pain and your story is very similar to mine - the self loathing, the thought that being skint and winning it back, hell! I even have a background in banking.

I was where you are now a year ago (slots were my downfall and after losing thousands, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried, thinking how do I get out of this). Like you my wife and family know nothing of my addiction.

I decided to stop. I know it sounds twee but just take it one day at a time... It's amazing how quickly you see gambling for what it is. You may have the odd lapse but overall you'll be better off especially if you stick around here..

As someone who has similar experience, don't be afraid to shout if I can help in any way. I'm now over a year gamble free.

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:37

Lil30

Joined:
2018-09-12

I haven’t told anyone. My partner has problems of his own and to be honest I feel guilty because it’s as though I’ll be telling him just to make myself feel better - he can’t help as I earn the money. I am currently ten days gamble free... but it feels like a bit of a cop out as I have no money anyway! 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:38

Stelvio

Joined:
2018-12-21

Oh, and if your credit rating is still good, hive your debts off onto an interest free card...

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:51

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

 

 

Stelvio wrote:

Distraught1

I feel your pain and your story is very similar to mine - the self loathing, the thought that being skint and winning it back, hell! I even have a background in banking.

I was where you are now a year ago (slots were my downfall and after losing thousands, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried, thinking how do I get out of this). Like you my wife and family know nothing of my addiction.

I decided to stop. I know it sounds twee but just take it one day at a time... It's amazing how quickly you see gambling for what it is. You may have the odd lapse but overall you'll be better off especially if you stick around here..

As someone who has similar experience, don't be afraid to shout if I can help in any way. I'm now over a year gamble free.

Thank you Stelvio. This helps, I literally phoned gamcare straight after just like help, even though i knew there was nothing they could do. 

Can i ask, does your family still know nothing? Were you close to financial ruin similar to me as well? 

The depressing thought for me is gambling is going to be around in my life long after ive stopped watching a roulette spin. The worst isnt it

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:53

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Stelvio wrote:

Oh, and if your credit rating is still good, hive your debts off onto an interest free card...

 

The funny thing is here my credit is good, if i didnt have so much debt as a result of gambling....be lucky to get tv from brighthouse now. Wont lend a penny, and the credit cards i have are 0% at the moment, just a timebomb waiting to explode, that with the loans and overdraft, no way will i be able to pay them back before D Day and interest starts crippling me

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 20:56

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Lil30 wrote:

I haven’t told anyone. My partner has problems of his own and to be honest I feel guilty because it’s as though I’ll be telling him just to make myself feel better - he can’t help as I earn the money. I am currently ten days gamble free... but it feels like a bit of a cop out as I have no money anyway! 

One day at a time Lil, I’m about 3 hours gamble free for the same reason, fact is we got a big tunnel to go through before we see the light. I been on this site those 3 hours and its helping, I feel less of a complete failure and understand other people suffer from the same problems I have. I know exactly what you’re going through. Its good to vent it dont you think.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 21:01

rupidoda

Joined:
2017-01-27

Hi Distraught,

First of all, well done for posting. It may not be much to you but it’s the first step. I’ve been in your position and your amounts sound the similar to what I’ve lost. I’ve gone months without gambling then go on a run of gambling online everyday for weeks until I’ve cleared out everything I’ve worked for.

You need to sign up for GAMSTOP, take a step back and see that this is not a money making scheme you will even succeed in. I’ve watched YouTube videos too and wondered about a strategy to win etc...but it’s not gonna happy. 

I signed up for councelling - give it a go. I did it for 3 months and it did stop me gambling but I did start up again. I’m over a Mo th gamble free - the urges have gone but I still think about the losses and what I could have done with the money....but I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact there money is gone....you just need to put it behind you, move on, go cold turkey. I told my wife last year...she doesn’t know about the gambling over th last few months...but I’m done with it now. No more.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 21:12

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thanks rupidoda, not gonna lie I posted through tear filled eyes thinking about everyone I have let down...AGAIN. How many times can a person ** up? Was/is my thought process.

I’m confident ive pretty much self excluded myself from 99% of sites now, this is addiction for you, i got a gambling blocker on my iphone and used internet explorer on my xbox. Cringe at typing that.

The worst part is its all so fixed as well and I’m clearly aware of that but it still doesn’t stop me, you know what i mean? Someone offering you a fiver to guess the number kinda thing. Just an absolute joke.

Good to hear you’re done now, i have every intention of quitting and stopping completely its what i want more than anything. My worry? Seeing my wages come in and 95% go before ive even sneezed. Thats when the temptation for me will kick in. Or seeing the joke of overdraft charges I’m now gonna get. Such a long road ahead trying to not even think about it.

 

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 21:14

Lil30

Joined:
2018-09-12

Definitely feels better to vent. Just hoping I can do it! It’s good to share and hopefully we can support each other.

Distraught1 wrote:

Lil30 wrote:

I haven’t told anyone. My partner has problems of his own and to be honest I feel guilty because it’s as though I’ll be telling him just to make myself feel better - he can’t help as I earn the money. I am currently ten days gamble free... but it feels like a bit of a cop out as I have no money anyway! 

One day at a time Lil, I’m about 3 hours gamble free for the same reason, fact is we got a big tunnel to go through before we see the light. I been on this site those 3 hours and its helping, I feel less of a complete failure and understand other people suffer from the same problems I have. I know exactly what you’re going through. Its good to vent it dont you think.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 21:20

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

 

Definitely Lil,  yes we may be massively in debt as a result of this terrible addiction. But money isnt everything. It is replaceable, its paper.

The trend on here I’m noticing is that we’re the masters of our own destiny, ive said it already but I actually hate myself more than i dislike anyone else right now. I need to mend that, without gambling and lies and debt and sh1tty things it and myself has given me. I honestly wish I’d never gambled in my entire life.

What annoys me the most, I watch a football game or any sport or anything, and every other advert, bet this do this free spins that, just sucking people in. They should be banned.

 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 21:38

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

The people you lose is the worst. 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 21:41

smudgey1

Joined:
2019-01-06

Hi distraught, welcome and thanks for sharing your story. I'm fairly new and still at the stage of convincing myself to abandon this road of destruction and the idea that I can make back my losses matched betting which is completely counter productive for me.

Do you feel ready to join Gamstop / can you make yourself do it? I'm learning fast that's step 1. Overcoming all of the mind blowing feelings comes next, but at least you will be safe that from that moment it can't get any worse.

I feel strongly more should be done about the gambling market in the UK. Smoking is bad for your health we all know, and is targeted so publicly with anti/stop smoking campaigns. Gambling is so destructive and complex, but adverts etc glorify it. Even a recent hugely popular reality tv show, harmless viewing, was sponsored by a gambling site. It made me feel sick seeing it at the start of every ad break whilst i was chucking hundreds away a few weeks back.

Keep at it distraught, turn those gamble free hours tonight into days, then weeks and beyond.

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 22:02

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thanks smudgey. I always feel and want to stop gambling completely, its when i get a trigger i go back to square one. The debt is the worst, just drags you down constantly and in a way drags you back to gambling. I’m so fed up with gambling now and how its ruining my life. This is it for me, i need to stop. Its stop now or go off the edge.

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 22:06

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

The depression is real and is setting in now. The realisation of my actions and how its more than able to crumble everything I’ve ever worked hard for. Any advice on overcoming this point would be helpful.

I try to be a positive person but I must admit I recognise myself I’m now constantly negative, about anything, negative, I haven’t got a positive thing to say. My actions caused this.

 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 22:21

Lil30

Joined:
2018-09-12

Here is where you may want to speak to an expert? Online chat with Netline on here perhaps? I can only offer platitudes I fear, a wise man once said to me to look for something beautiful every day. And me, when it gets too much I take my dog for a walk, get on with some work, and lately, read success stories in here and imagine that I can do it, and I can be the change. But it sounds trite really, and I think you have to find what works for you. What is your motivation? What will refocus your mind? Work? Family? I'm really sorry your going through this. The anxiety and helplessness is awful. 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 22:26

Matthew4788

Joined:
2018-12-02

Keep ur head up mate we all make mistakes. I’ve stopped since the new year does get a bit easier and it’s only 10 days for me. Keep coming to the site tho it’s helping me. First milestone 4 days then it gets better focus on getting through each day but keep 4 days in ur mind bud make it a challenge for you. 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 22:37

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

 

Lil30 wrote:

Here is where you may want to speak to an expert? Online chat with Netline on here perhaps? I can only offer platitudes I fear, a wise man once said to me to look for something beautiful every day. And me, when it gets too much I take my dog for a walk, get on with some work, and lately, read success stories in here and imagine that I can do it, and I can be the change. But it sounds trite really, and I think you have to find what works for you. What is your motivation? What will refocus your mind? Work? Family? I'm really sorry your going through this. The anxiety and helplessness is awful. 

Thanks for the wise words Lil, in a strange way though my brain tells me I deserve this feeling, ive earnt it so put up and shut up kind of thing. 

I like that quote, its definitely one to remember, positive in every single day from tomorrow onwards! 

Believe it or not, I’m probably the tightest guy there is that will go and blow thousands on gambling.. the depression comes from the debt, I may aim to get a second job to clear it quicker but its hard with a family, catch 22 isnt it. The support on here is amazing though, definitely a favourite in my laptop now, i need to be told dont ***** gamble now and again. 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 22:39

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

Matthew4788 wrote:

Keep ur head up mate we all make mistakes. I’ve stopped since the new year does get a bit easier and it’s only 10 days for me. Keep coming to the site tho it’s helping me. First milestone 4 days then it gets better focus on getting through each day but keep 4 days in ur mind bud make it a challenge for you. 

Thanks mate, much appreciated. Its good to see people in the same position and knowing these sites and casinos are literally leaching off the people. I think i could quite easily go nuts otherwise! Each day as it comes mate but more determined than ever. 

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 23:02

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

When you look at your online banking and just feel sick. That one. Gonna be a rough night

Posted on:
Thu, 10/01/2019 - 23:05

smudgey1

Joined:
2019-01-06

Distraught1 wrote:

Thanks smudgey. I always feel and want to stop gambling completely, its when i get a trigger i go back to square one. The debt is the worst, just drags you down constantly and in a way drags you back to gambling. I’m so fed up with gambling now and how its ruining my life. This is it for me, i need to stop. Its stop now or go off the edge.


I know we are in constant battle with ourselves. Gamstop takes one side of that battle away though so you can then focus on rebuilding your emotional wellbeing and at least stop increasing the debts.

You mentioned below you are tight with money. I am too, ridiculously so. But the addiction removes all value of money and the online aspect stops us registering it as real money that we are chucking away.

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 00:35

alwalm

Joined:
2018-08-24

Hi Distraught1,

First of all i want to tell you a little about myself. Im 63 and wasted most of my life gambling since my early teens.Lied cheated racked up debt and destroyed most who ever loved or felt any affection for me.What was most interesting about your post was the fact you said youd tried counselling and it didnt help.

Ive just completed 12 sessions of counselling and on my first visit she asked if id tried counselling in the past.I said YES BUT DIDNT WORK FOR ME. It was at that point i realised that i was dealing with one of the most frank and honest people ive ever came face to face with in my life. Her reply was its not that counselling didnt work for me but at that that stage in my life i wasnt ready to stop.

After the 3rd session dumping all my shame self loathing and regret on her she said something ill never forget.WHAT YOU GONNA DO AL ? CONTINUE TO WALLOW IN SELF PITY OR LET ME HELP YOU AND START LISTENING.

Whats my opinion ?. I met the most wonderful professional ive ever met in my life.Sometimes the truth is the most bitter pill any patient or addict can swallow.  I was set a diary timetable whatever you want to call it and had to go each week wth a diary of my mundane boring life hoovering dog walking, cooking,gymn and believe me she never missed a trick if i got slack.

With xmas fast approaching id lost control of my finances and handed them over to my long suffering wife by this time and i was stressed to bits knowing shed spoil me rotten andi barely had enough money to buy her a bottle of perfume. Carol (my counsellor ) told me me to discuss these anxieties with my Mrs and agree a set budget how much we could afford to spend on one another and not to excede that budget as this kind of stress and worry are TRIGGER POINTS for a CG.

As a result of my 12 sessions with this wonderful woman can i look anyone in the eye and say I Will Never Gamble Again ? probably not. But what i can honestly say is as a result of my 12 sessions ( bear in mind this is a charity who struggle to find financial support ) im better equipped than ever ar recognising the pit falls and trigger points that could take me back to the pit of dispair i spent so many years trying to claw my way out of.I think the people who knock counselling  or say it doesnt work have already made up their mind its not going to work before engaging seriously in their first session.

 

Stay Srong Dont Knock It Till Youve Seriously Tried It 

 

AL

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 03:34

Martin67

Joined:
2010-08-17

Distraught1 wrote:

When you look at your online banking and just feel sick. That one. Gonna be a rough night

I wish you all the best. Life is going to be tough for a while, but not gambling needs to become the new normal for you. This next period is going to be really tough. Living with regrets related to the addiction is really hard. Just take one day at a time and be proud for each day that you manage to stay gamble free. 

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 04:47

Stew

Joined:
2018-11-21

Hi Distraught,

 

I can fully relate to your posts and like you roulette has cost me dear , over six figures over the many many years. If only I could turn back the clock! I had to do something and have managed 51 days without it! Now for me that's huge. By putting the blocks on stops you. I have been tempted since because as you say when you've no money that's certainly one thing that sucks you back in but ultimately costs you more and more. I understand the thought process, stake £200 and maybe get to £2000  or higher stakes and higher profits but it doesn't work and even if it did we only give it back with huge interest. All logic goes completely out of the window. Give it a crack, NO ROULETTE. If you manage that then you'll slowly chip away at all the debt. I hate it and it'll be a very long time before I'm clear but you've got to start TODAY. I wish you luck, hard times I know. 

Cheers Stew

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 07:44

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

 

Thank you for all the support, I’ve known about gamcare for a long time but I can already see signing up was a good move. It’s definitely going to help me through this period of hell to becoming a better person.

The next morning is always a strange one.. seeing all the charges going on is a twist of the knife.. I’m trying to concentrate on this being a brand new day and that I can be a better person. 

Has anyone has experience with managing debt and gambling...do lenders help and accept gambling as a reason to help? Some personal experiences on that would be helpful..

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 09:40

ITDamo

Joined:
2016-01-26

Hi Distraught,

Best place to start is by getting in touch with one of the debt agencies, Stepchange or the CAB, they will give you the best advice possible. They will help you make your payments more manageable an although this will affect your credit rating, that may not be a bad thing if you want to stop gambling.

Fortunately I haven’t had to go down that route this time (I did about 15 years ago) there are many people on here who have and may be able to offer some better advice on it.

You say counselling hasn’t worked in that past for you but what about GA? Big step to take but one that you wouldn’t regret.

All the best.

ITD

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 11:56

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thanks ITD, My concern with stepchange CAB etc is that they’ll just turn around and say ‘it’s affordable pay it’ I get that and have every intention of paying it, its the charges for my overdraft etc that are extortionate and just make my circumstances 10x worse. Surprisingly I have a massively pessimistic view when it comes to financials. I dont think cab or stepchange would be able to stop these charges and just allow me to pay the debt back. Banks for you isnt it, just makes fixing our mistakes that much more difficult 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 12:55

ITDamo

Joined:
2016-01-26

You won't know until you speak to them Distraught. You could also try calling the companies themselves and explain your situation...I believe some of them will actually freeze interest, although it isnt something I have done myself.

I did call stepchange after my last losses and discussed what my options were. I decided I could just about get by making the payments as they were.

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 15:44

Matthew4788

Joined:
2018-12-02

Use stepchange mate all done online they are brilliant. That’s who I use. On the home straight now too so it’s def worthwhile having a manageable payment. Just focus on urself mate and the rest will take care of itself. Don’t beat urself up over anything what’s done is done just keep moving forward. Best of luck mate 

Posted on:
Fri, 11/01/2019 - 16:05

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thanks both, gonna call them when ive got all the info together hoping for the best. 

Matthew have you used them mate? Interested if it was similar circumstances? 

 

Posted on:
Sat, 12/01/2019 - 12:19

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Just went through everything with Stepchange... I wasnt expecting much... on top of that its horrible saying your situation out loud isnt it.

I must admit they’ve made me feel better about my situation and I’m going to look at setting up a debt management plan with my creditors, for anyone who hasn’t already contacted them, take it from mr pessimistic its well worth a call. Just hoping my creditors agree now and i can move forward with life gamble free and eventually debt free. 

Posted on:
Sat, 12/01/2019 - 18:21

Tracyd

Joined:
2019-01-12

Hi distraught- I am new here but just wanted to post based on my own experience of gambling debt (I am by no means in a good place financially yet and certainly not an expert).. however, when I had become massively overdrawn with the bank- embarrassing as it was, I called and told the truth about my gambling and they were actually really lovely. They stopped the charges (which as you say are the killer). If you can afford to pay it off- lay it out to them, offer a repayment plan and ask them to freeze the charges. It’s worth a try! :) 

Posted on:
Sat, 12/01/2019 - 18:53

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

Hi tracyd :)

Thank you for your advice, i spoke with the bank and theyve agreed to freeze charges as you said, which is amazing considering how unbelievably high they were. 

I shouldn’t smile having to set up a debt plan, but its the first time I’ve had hope in a while! 3 days gamble free and finances not just sitting there but on a path with an ending. This forum has been a god send for me if I’m honest. Knowing you’re not alone. 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 00:11

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Hi mate

Ok youve taken some practical steps to clear up a bit of the mess every day. This is good. Keep doing that... Bit by bit - day by day. Clear up a bit of the mess each day at a rate that is not overwhelming to you in your current mind state.

The other thing I gauge from your messages is that you're thinking, and thinking... And thinking some more... And thinking again! And topping that off with a bit of thinking! Classic case of "ive been so ******* thoughtless so now I'm going to think think think my way through this situation because I must never be thoughtless again or it will sink me"???

How did I get here
Why did I get here
What do I need to do
But if I do this - then this will happen so what's the point (by the way, are you god? No - so don't think like this. Also predicting outcomes that you have no control over got you in this mess in the first place so STOP DOING IT. You're useless at it)
What could I have done differently
What I will do differently next time
General thinking about how much you hate the industry

The list goes on mate... I'm bored of writing them now. Let's get back on topic...

Do you genuinely want to give up gambling once and for all? Yes/no
(Another way of framing this - do you genuinely think you're going to win that money back one day? Yes/no... Are you genuinely willing to accept that the money is gone? Yes/no)

If yes, read mixers post on this forum and follow through with it. Don't leave anything out.

Slowly but surely your life will get better if you fully commit to giving up gambling. It will be slow. And sometimes ******* painful. But slowly it will get better, I promise you that. As you put more gamble free time behind you and you're money your will slowly return to you (believe it or not) and you'll be amazed how you can actually get by despite all the damage you've done + debts you have to pay back. If you read mixers post and you decide to leave this bit out and that bit out then ask yourself why you're choosing to leave them out and reassess whether you're genuinely ready to give up gambling. Because if you genuinely are you need to trust in this process and stop being a gambler and trying to suss out outcomes based on your predictions on what will happen. You're **** at doing that, that's why you ended up in this mess remember? thats why you ended up in this position. Take a leap of faith and trust in this process fully - listen to people who it is working for.

All that stuff I highlighted you were thinking about all at the same time? You have the REST OF YOUR LIFE TO DWELL ON THAT ****. JUST FOCUS ON DOING EVERYTHING YOU POSSIBLY CAN NOT TO GAMBLE FOR NOW.

All that **** your thinking about will be way much easier to assimilate when you feel miles better from not gambling for a long period of time and you're future is brighter. Best of luck.

I took all this time to post here because your first post is mega similar to mine and also your initial posts and thought processes are too. We could be two peas in a pod actually.

If I can do this you can. But you need to be told as it is and with no holds barred (if you're anything like me... And I'm going to continue to assume you are because your thinking is so similar to mine) ;o)

If you don't believe me read the beginning of my diary and you'll see ;o)

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 00:24

Tracyd

Joined:
2019-01-12

I’m so so pleased that the bank were supportive! its all a step in the right direction- just keep going day by day. :) We are human, we make mistakes and that doesn’t make us bad people-  there is so much great advice and support on here that I am finding helpful and encouraging- hope you do too. We can only be in the moment and worrying and punishing ourselves about what has happened before and what may happen in the future keeps us stuck. Keep going :) 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 02:36

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Hi signalman

 I get what you’re saying, ive always been an over thinker to be fair, the ‘what if i do win the big one’ and all that rubbish.  All those questions have ran through my head at somepoint for sure. Think the biggest one is ‘how the f do i now make sure this stops for good’ Honestly I recall playing toward the end watching the roulette spin losing and losing and losing and I was literally ready to sob because I just didnt even want to play anymore, no way was I going to withdraw the last however much tho after such losses. i just wanted my money. There was no enjoyment factor to it whatsoever, and there was still a balance at this point so ‘hope’ if you will.  Question ‘do I genuinely want to give up gambling?’ Answer, YES. more than I ever ever have in my entire life. It has ******* ruined me mate. This time I’m just so fed up and drained emotionally and mentally with being conned out my money I’m immediately wanting to throw things in place so if in a month i have an urge, this mentality is thrown in my face because of the actions ive taken now. You know?  I feel your enthusiasm and hatred for gambling as well which i echo, sounds as though its come close to ruining you also. Reading your story, it is very similar, how are things for you now?  To not gamble my personality needs me to keep busy... in a sense ive now thrown myself into anti gambling and hatred for it... i think how i feel at the moment if i walked past a casino id feel sick. I know the harder parts come later, when theres money in my pocket and not so much stress, this sites my homepage for that. I am so determined.  When i spoke above im the tightest compulsive gambler going as well, so seeing all these charges just made/make it so much worse for me i guess thats another reason ive dived in head first.  I’m struggling with the next bit, I love my family more than anything but ive been fixated on sorting the debt issue not appreciating if they knew the situation the devastation it would cause them. I think from my mental health perspective I kind of want all the bases in place before I look at addressing that bit... because it could very easily throw me back in the deep end. Sounds selfish doesn’t it.  Tracyd - thank you for your kind words. trying to take it one day at a time, slowly the self loathing is lifting although i dont think I’ll ever fully forgive myself for what I’ve done.  I can’t get the ‘how could i be such a fool’ part out my mind.  Really distresses me seeing the adverts plastered all over television showing happy people gambling either sport or casinos (every other advert i might add), Just knowing its sucking the next generation in. Its such a false load of **** - needs banning completely in my opinion. How can they say ‘please gamble responsibly’ when gambling in itself is irresponsible whether it’s affordable or not. When the fun stops, stop, yeah right they’re fully aware 99.9% of people would not do that. Con artists I actually hate all of them. 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 06:48

Lil30

Joined:
2018-09-12

Hi D, glad you've contacted StepChange, they were brilliant for me too! I know all the self loathing and anxiety all too well., but we will get through this. One day at a time and al that...

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 09:19

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

Hi Lil, thats good to hear, did they help in a similar way? I just hope my creditors agree now, think I’ll actually breathe a sigh of relief once its all setup. 

Agreed. Refuse to give them anymore money or emotions! Sure it takes years off your life all the ups and downs. We got this Lil. Stay strong

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 09:21

Stelvio

Joined:
2018-12-21

Distraught

Sorry for the late reply, I link my gamcare stuff to a separate email (as my family still don't know). So I pick up replies late.

I was a few months from being able to sort the debts myself. 

I worry about your 0% deals ending. You need to take action now and speak to your lenders. There may still be time to get your debt structured and repayable. 

Sorry again for the late reply..

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 10:41

Matthew4788

Joined:
2018-12-02

Hi mate..Just reading through ur posts now. To be honest for me personally stepchange has been brilliant gets all ur debts in one place and sorting that out actually distracts you from gambling gives you a base to build on and helps ur mental health knowing you not going to get ccjs etc. What I need to concentrate on is saving up money to pay off the debts without the interest if you can do that your laughing and will save a fortune. E.g. I got a £300 payday loan and repaid it through stepchange for £600 as it was a monthly payment. If I had the capital I could have settled it for £350 and saved myself £250. That’s my fault not theirs though. 14k left for me so slowly but surely there is light at the end of the tunnel. As far as gambling goes mate just ignore it and go to the gym ir out for a run instead. It’s only been a couple of weeks for me so I’m not going to preach to you but get the blocks in place and just think I’m not gna put a bet on mate. It’s simple really. Aye some days you will feel anxious and stressed but as long as you don’t bet the next day you will feel proud. Each gambler is different but this is working for me albeit early days 

 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 11:34

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thanks both, Stepchange made me feel positive and with hope, it relys on the lenders to agree which the ball will be rolling with next week, so still that nervous feeling there. But im definitely proud to not of buried my head and faced this **** ive put myself in head on. 

Did they do a debt Management Plan for you too Matthew? Whats your experience with that? How were lenders etc like? Be good to understand what to expect of the near future. 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 12:04

Lil30

Joined:
2018-09-12

Hi D, yes, I was put in a Debt Management Plan - which has been a lifesaver! 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 12:08

sosad

Joined:
2019-01-01

Hi distraught everyone on here has felt the same as you at some point. 13 days ago I googled how to kill myself without it looking like suicide so that my son could claim my life insurance. I had been paid that day and within 4 hours I had lost the whole lot and left myself with £3.73 to last me til end of January. Wasn’t by any means the first time I’d done this. Nobody in the world could’ve hated me more than I hated myself. So I half heartedly joined this site after excluding myself from bookies and online but I knew deep down I was a failure and I’d gamble again. All that changed last week. I bumped into the owner of my local bookies, the only independent bookie around here and he told me had just come back from the Maldives, he then went on to tell me about the next 6 holidays he has this year. I haven’t had a holiday in 10 years (my own stupid fault). He looked me straight in the eye and said it’s mugs like you that paid for them and he laughed. I wanted to smack him so hard but he was so dam right. My misery pays for his luxury! After 40 years of gambling I will never ever feed his lifestyle again. His words still ring in my ears loud and clear and the worst thing is that there true. I totally was a mug and I felt so humiliated when he laughed at me. But I will now laugh at him, I used to give him thousands of my hard earned wage and he would give me a free coffee. As stupid goes I think I went off the chart!  I have 100% determination now and I will beat this. Stick your “free” coffee up ya**** fat cat!

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 12:52

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

Thanks Lil - got my fingers crossed and il definitely update as I go along so it can help anyone else down the line!

Sosad- I absolutely sympathise with you and understand what this addiction can do to us. Joining this site was 100% the right thing to do. The support is overwhelming and I think personally has made me a stronger person.

you can see i suffer bad with self loathing too, but you must remember you’re not alone in this.. no matter how bad it gets it’s fixable, thats what I’m learning, family and life is so much more important than this ****. Than the little thrill of the money you havent properly earnt but flaunt like you have. I am so done with it. 

One word for that guy, Karma. He’ll get his sosad for praying on vulnerable people. I’m a true believer of that. As bad as the gambling industry still is, it does seem as though people are becoming wise to these leaches. Heres hoping one day it’ll be as controlled as smoking is. and the days of a gambling advert on tv every 10 seconds or 3 bookies in one row of shops, or 10 online casinos when you google something so innocent,  go for good. 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 14:10

Matthew4788

Joined:
2018-12-02

 

Distraught1 wrote:

Thanks both, Stepchange made me feel positive and with hope, it relys on the lenders to agree which the ball will be rolling with next week, so still that nervous feeling there. But im definitely proud to not of buried my head and faced this **** ive put myself in head on. 

Did they do a debt Management Plan for you too Matthew? Whats your experience with that? How were lenders etc like? Be good to understand what to expect of the near future. 

Aye that’s what I’m on just pay a monthly payment and they distribute it amongst your creditors. They deal with all the admin you may get a few letters but once it’s in place it’s good. Will affect your credit rating but in some ways that may be a blessing so you can’t implode if you return to gambling.  Dmp is very common these days so the lenders will be used to dealing with stepchange. Honestly mate if you need it do it. There’s an online portal to check progress so you can track it. 

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 15:25

signalman

Joined:
2018-08-31

Listen friend, based on what you're saying these days all I'll say is this.

Look after your mental health first and foremost for now. Your recovery path won't even get off the ground if you're sectioned or something. That's no good for you and your family... Would it happen? Well did you ever think you'd end up on here and in so much debt? Don't let it happen... And to do that you may need to re-evaluate how you go about life (ie living life solely from the brain rather than from the heart, conscience and in more of a mindful way)

I know this is easier said than done right now but one step towards wellbeing is - all this hatred and vitriol you're feeling towards gambling and the industry? Lose it for now if you can. Our wellbeing is like a hard drive, all that space you're taking up with hatred is slowing you down... Free it up so you have loads of space to focus on your recovery (self-awareness, goals, aims, making amends to people you've hurt along the way, eating properly, sleeping properly, working hard at your job again) all these things you can do one day at a time and they will make your life better) all this hatred you're harbouring... It won't do a fig for you... If you think it will help keep you off a bet... I really don't think it will because at some point you may think your life is not improving fast enough so may on a whim decide to take it on again so you can win your money back and stick it up the **** of gambling (yes on a whim, remember that's how these gambling splurges often start) don't think because you're absolutely broken now that gambling won't come looking for you again. It will. Be ready. Make it all about you and your recovery... That way the industry and all this hatred and negativity doesn't come into it. Please trust me, it won't do you any favours in the long run.

Tell your family, don't tell your family... Whatever. Just look after your mental health for now. Everything else will become clear over time (and by that I mean what you need to do next when you are feeling stronger, what you should be doing, what you haven't done, if you're slipping etc)

Just look after your mental and physical wellbeing for now and put some gamble free time behind you. Sort out management of the debt then ultimately accept this is going to take years to put right.

Years to put right followed by an eternity of happiness and peace.

Don't gamble again for now. Just don't gamble again.

I truly believe you when you say that you're through with gambling and want out. I wish you all the best. You are a bright person. You know what you need to do. Your only problem will be if you think yourself into a corner and don't do enough, or anything at all due to questioning and counter arguments. Seriously mate - just look at what's working for people and do the same. KEEP IT SIMPLE. I think your mind may have got you into this mess in the first place so **** it off for now and trust in your other navigatory senses (faith, instinct, morals, values, conscience, heart, trust)

Just 'do' positive things in your life every day that make you a better person and keep you away from gambling. Keep it simple for now. It can get complex when you have more strength if thats how you like to roll...

Posted on:
Sun, 13/01/2019 - 16:17

Distraught1

Joined:
2019-01-10

 

Thanks signalman. What you’re saying does make sense. Obviously there is no point harbouring this grudge against gambling companies as its only going to impact me. I think I’ll get past that, once I’m up and running on my recovery. Next week for me is going to be a big one. 

But as you say, positive things one day at a time. I like what you’ve said about over thinking! I just need a switch button! Especially values, conscience heart and trust. I dont just want to be a better person for myself but for those around me. If I concentrate on those things you’ve mentioned, recovering takes care of itself really. One day at a time mate, thanks for your advice. 

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