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Hi new to this!

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 15/08/2018 - 07:54

Newtothis

Joined:
2018-08-15

Posted on:
Wed, 15/08/2018 - 11:22

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Hi newtothis. The thing I notice with partners asking for advice or someone in a similar situation, is that you see this as his problem. This is your problem too. You are involved with a gambler who you want to help. What you have to do is help you. You can't stop them, change them, do it for them. Safeguard your finances. Don't make empty threats. You're not married, he's stolen from you and you are still there. This implies that it's 'ok'. You've got yourself into debt for him, you are paying his share. This implies it's 'ok'. So the question is 'why do you think it's ok?' I'm not judging you I'm asking you to look at things in a different way, to help you see what you are doing. You also say 'I knew deep down he wouldn't be able to (change) because he's a compulsive gambler.' Why can't he change? My husband's a compulsive gambler but he's changed, stopped, hasn't gambled today. Why do you think a compulsive gambler can't change? A compulsive gambler can stop if he chooses to. Yes it's a choice. He has to choose to change his behaviour. Handing over finance means his money straight to you or you have the password to his account. Handing over finance doesn't mean letting you look when he feels like it. You have to be strong, you have to mean what you say. The best advice is to go to a gamanon meeting. Get advice from real people. Find out what compulsive gambling really means, this is forever. It's a tough addiction to beat, but with 100% commitment it can be done.