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Graduated from a newbie

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#1 Posted on:
Wed, 03/01/2018 - 18:04

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

Started gambling aged 6 at my grandparents town of Weymouth . Mum didn’t want me to go to the penny arcades and my dad said it would be ok . The more resistance my mum put up the more I kind of wanted to go.

So years as a child spent waiting until I went back to Weymouth for that half an hour in the arcades .

Get to the age of 18 and that’s where it started . Went to University but dropped out second year as was working part time that turned into full time to cover the addiction . Shipley’s arcades and bookmakers .

So I get to late 20’s with about 20k’s worth of debt .

At the age of 30 my girlfriend at the time suggested I go to GA. I did and was clean for 2 years and even became chairman . However , I split with this girl , started again gambling and met my current partner who I married .

So when we got married I was earning good money . It seemed I could juggle this double life . We brought a house and then she became pregnant with our first child , giving up work which lasted 6 years with no extra income and me still gambling .

My / our debts became 35k and she knew about it . We entered a DMP which I have completed 3 months ago .

I even finished my university course part time and graduated.

I still have around 20k or other debts which you can argue are good debts with a new car for her and other bits and pieces .

We now have around 60k equity in our house after moving again and next December  Looking to remortgage and clear everything. However won’t consider this until I have a few months under my belt GF.

My title says graduating from a newbie . I have just done 10 days GF and feel at a much different and better place already . This site is helpful but I think it’s becuase only now I have truly been honest with myself about my gambling and have called time on it 

 

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 22:04

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 11

Nothing troubling really and no thought of gambling . Been planning debt payments   . However due to my gambling and also an inefficient boiler I am £800 in debit with Scottish power . Was paying £200 a month to clear the arrears but last month cancelled the direct debit due to gambling . All other bills have now come out . Must call the power tomorrow and explain the situation. Also called Halifax as I have a £5k overdraft again from gambling . Getting charges of around £3.85 a day . Halifax used to have an account where they can apply control which waived charges for 6 months which they don’t offer anymore . They said as I am not over any limits if I can live with the charges then it doesn’t get passed  over to any money team . Have to run with it as they don’t take any of your wages from it by demanding it being paid back in full . Can solve this over the next few months and have a much better lifestyle . I have thought a few times today how the hell I still managed to run the household , go on holidays and still gamble . 

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 22:38

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Welcome to the recovery diaries forum. Well done on being so open, wish you all the best. Scott

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 22:38

Scotto85g

Joined:
2018-01-01

Welcome to the recovery diaries forum. Well done on being so open, wish you all the best. Scott

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 22:41

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks Scott . With stopping gambling for me it’s like a comparison of driving a car . Can do it but now need to pass the theory test !!

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 22:46

Frozen

Joined:
2010-11-22

Welcome Vulture get stuck in here and life will be good.

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 16:36

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 12

Another day under my belt . Only thoughts of gambling were that I finished work early as started early . Chance to witness the daughters swimming lesson . On way gambling flashed through my head regarding placing a football bet for tomorrow . Put it to the back of my mind only time I am thinking about it now is typing this. Thoughts gone already ! Still need to speak to gas supplier we had lost the key to open the meter but I have one now ! Feel in a better place than 12 days ago , thanks for anyone who comments / reads this 

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 16:12

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 13

Brother in law sent me screen shots of his football bets but I didn’t care to be honest . Called Scottish power yesterday told them I was a CG. They said I had made payment arrangements before and broke them and can’t do anything for a week when I call them back . Played monopoly with the kids (lost ! Lol) and cleaned car inside and out . So far so good 

Posted on:
Sun, 07/01/2018 - 19:03

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 14

Solid day took my son to a trampoline party while wife was at work and daughter at her Grandmothers. Told the wife last night about me using the forum and if she wonders what I am doing on the phone it’s on that and not gambling she accepted that without asking for any details of the last bet I had 14 days ago. Wounds will heal themselves financially over time . Was even allowed a 2 hour sleep this afternoon , a luxury and also something that I don’t think could have managed 2 weeks ago . Kids now asking me to play a board game, going to be Cleudo this time , again normal day to day things that I am taking an interest in. No thoughts of gambling today , one day at a time and not being complacent . 

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 04:27

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Congratulations 2 weeks gf.
Looks like your children are managing to fill your time lol!
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Mon, 08/01/2018 - 20:01

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 15

I know it’s esrly days but consulted my mortgage person today sent all info over to try and see if anything can be done to clear all my debts and free up £1k a month . Obviously control of the money will be with the wife but it’s  something I do need to address . Wife is going with kids to Poland mid February so I will have a plan in place to keep me on the straight and narrow . No thoughts of gambling today , long may it continue 

Posted on:
Tue, 09/01/2018 - 21:12

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

Day 16

The most stressful day of them all....

As you may or may not know in September i finished a five and a half year DMP paid the lot off. Since then taken a couple of loans out plus a car loan for the wife and with all other debts it’s mounting up so spoke today about a remortgage. Yes I will give up some equity but be on a much better % of interest for the house and start afresh freeing up around £1k a month straight from my salary to save / life properly ...or so I thought . Paid for my Experian file and an account I owed £1k on over 6 years ago had been settled and paid . However I increased my payments to them last year but they marked on my file as late as the agreed payment didn’t match. Anyway it’s killed my credit score . Turns out I would be in a much better position had I not even bothered paying them back .the cost of making amends hey ? Anyway got to wait until at least March or even May to review it again . Tried contesting it but no good they won’t change the file. Even got a supporting letter from the DMP who said I never missed a payment but it won’t make the score any different ! Was stressed but then I think ok it’s only a couple of months . Told the mortgage guy I am a CG so for two or three months of no gambling on bank statements plus a couple more months GF will be a good thing . Didn’t want to gamble didn’t think of gambling 

Posted on:
Wed, 10/01/2018 - 17:42

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 17

No thoughts or urges . Financially a friend I lent £20 to who promised it back today can’t pay me for 2 weeks. Would have normally annoyed me but to be honest I don’t care . I don’t get paid for 2 weeks and I don’t have any spare money for myself (wife has access not me) . I have empathy with my firiend he’s waiting for his student loan so I know it was horrible asking someone for money , been there so many times myself. Anyway I have about £10 in a pool night to my name not £30 so will have to drive into town instead of walking and having beer . I see this not as my friends fault but more mine for the stupid situation I have got myself into over the years

So change of plan I was given some money from the wife and went up town . Told some of my pool team about my gambling and they accepted it as they are not stupid! Same routine I order 3 pints take 1 and pay for 3 so that I don’t gamble may change . Had extra money on me and am pleased to say didn’t gamble . There are 3 fruit machines at the club and previously I would have put everything in.  Not this time . I broke the habit ! Another friend in my pool team who doesn’t have a pit to pi$$ in was saying how he is playing online  only plays 40p spins . Had won £100 , lost £50 , won some and now had £60 in his account but always carried on until he lost it. Didn’t comment on his losses or wins but informed him that when I was fighting a non payout case against a casino I got my spreadsheet showing my gambling for that night . Progressed to £30 a spin . I mean really ? £30 a spin ? Just had a night out and ended  up having 4 pints for £12 . Now that value for money , no effing £30 a spin

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 09:29

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi Vulture.  Thanks for the posts on my thread, and delighted to see how well you are doing.  Amazing how little you can spend whilst having a good time when not gambling.  I also think its been useful telling my mates about the problem, as otherwise their natural instinct is to start every question with "did you have a bet on ...", "what do you think is going to win the x", "going to the races on the weekend, will you text me some tips"  .... on the latter, remember texting my mate some tips for York a couple of years ago and got 7 out of 7, whilst not putting a bet on myself.  No words of thanks but he moaned at me next time when I only gave him 4!!  £30 a spin .. as you say, I think when you're on-line the money doesn't seem real ... my biggest ever bet was £4,000 on a game of blackjack ... got two tens, so split them and then doubled ...by the time that had happened I was either £16,000 up or £16,000 down on turn of a card .... ridiculous and just didn't seem real ... wouldn't dream of putting more than £50 on a horse at the races.  Gambling gives you a very bizarre relationship with money ... I'd feel guilty spending £50 on a night out and then put thousands on a game of blackjack .... well done on the gamble free days ... I honestly reckon we can both crack this ... Cheers.  Rich

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 12:13

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks for this Rich , it really perked me up. I think with these diaries you post and you think no one is noticing as you have no comments . There is a danger for me that having gone past a couple of weeks someone may think you are fine , you don’t need any support and concentrate on the new people posting ! I’m sure we can beat this , so far so good and thanks again for giving me a boost 

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 21:15

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Hi vulture. Thanks for commenting on my diary. I have just read all your entries this month and so great to see how clear minded and focused you are. It's great that you have felt able to tell your wife. You are really inspiring. Keep going forward. 

Posted on:
Thu, 11/01/2018 - 22:47

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

Day 18

Spent the last two hours reading Matts diary on here around 700+ entries ! Gained a lot from it . My brother who I don’t have much contact with has text me today to see if I will go to a local football match this weekend . It’s a bit lower than conference level but he is a Vice President so gets food and entry included and so will I as another VP can’t attend . Chance for a couple of beers with him . No thoughts of gambling today . Got a big problem with Argos on my credit file so will call them tomorrow to see what I can do. Work is busy , don’t feel as stressed anymore . Payday in a couple of weeks but my outgoings are pretty high so won’t have much left over but I know it’s only short term . 

Annie2016 - thank you for reading my diary and taking the time to comment . Wow 7 days that’s a decent effort keep going and I will watch out how your are progressing 

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 10:06

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Vulture

Thanks for reading my diary and your comments. Hope it wasn't too painful a read.

Pleased to see you are 18 days in, that is great. My battle was really helped by keeping my diary and the support and encouragement I received here was invaluable. 

There are a few pieces of advice I can give you, which truly helped me. Get some councelling, there are deep underlying reasons why we gamble, even if we don't know them. 2, forget the fast track route to clearing the debt, what's done is done. Each day we don't gamble we are a day richer. We cannot win EVER when we gamble. The next bet will always lead to a loss eventually. 3 speak about it openly, don't carry any shame, you will be surprised how much easier it is if people close to you and around you know you have this addiction. 4)Keep the faith but realise the demon will always be there but you are in control, not gambling.

I wish you all the very best in your recovery.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 19:31

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

Day 19

Matt24 thanks for your pearls of wisdom . Will definitely consider what you have said except the clearing debts part will explain why in this post 

So day 19 pretty uneventful went to work , made some good sales was pretty busy . Took kids to hockey training . It’s their 3rd ever time and they seem to love it . I played for over 20 years but never forced them to go . I haven’t played for 8 years since we had children but if they seriously start playing I could return . Was nice at the start to pick up a stick and knock the ball around with them. I am still trying to sort my long term finances by re mortgaging and freeing up £1k a month so my family can enjoy the benefits of me not gambling on top of the extra money I earn . We can have a great lifestyle. I finished a debt management plan end of last year and seriously don’t want to keep paying a massive amount of my wage each month as I am no better off . Argos card was a very small debt but it’s caused me chaos on my credit file due to their mistakes. Didn’t miss a payment in 6 years but they were applying interest which was hammering my credit score due to arrears . I trusted my DMP to ensure after 6 years I would be normal again . However this problem could stop me doing anything for around 4 years and could cost me dear . So I was on the phone for a while and I have now sent my whole credit file , a letter from the DMP, a covering letter asking them to overturn their errors so that I can move on and lead a normal life . If they have any humanity they will see that what I have done is never missed a payment and cleared the balance . Their computer generated missed payments. As I said before I did the right thing and could have walked away and not paid a penny and my credit file today would be squeaky clean and I could  walk into any high street lender . Now it’s uncertain I can get any product which worries me . See what happens over the next few weeks, I have done what I can . Gambling wise no thoughts at all, stressed a bit about my long term but focused totally on the short term 

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 21:29

Annie2016

Joined:
2016-05-01

Well done on another day gamble free. Sounds like you are making great strides. Refinding a love of hockey may be a great way of destressing and reconnecting with something you loved and were good at. I feel much the same about tennis and plan to take it up again at some point. When you are wacking a ball with a stick or racket there is a real sense of release and you can't think about gambling or all the stresses it brings. Keep going. You have a great mindset. X

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 22:26

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks Annie. I still have hobbies and play pool and snooker weekly but it’s not quite the same as hockey. Also got an electric mountain bike last year which is nice to go out on. Can put the motor on when tired ! Attend the gym and go spinning so plenty to do to keep me occupied . On the surface my life is great but for some reason for around 25 years in fact I always want to self destruct . Not this time . It’s not going to happen again . You should play tennis again , like you said it’s a release and you would probably become obsessive with it  which isn’t a bad thing ! 

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 00:31

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 20

Bit of a milestone I am just moving into . 20 days . Pay day next week but it’s accounted for so no pressure . Plucked up the courage to put my picture on my profile . Pretty symbolic for me and also progress to show that I am not anonymous.I am not a statistic . I am a real person and I am here to stay . I am not hiding anymore . If you want to chat I’m here . If you comment on my diary I will reply. I am feeling all of the positive energy from your comments and diaries so thank you for being there for me . Will update this diary in the morning when you have all got over the shock of my selfie !

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 07:10

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thank you Vulture for your post in my diary. The support of gamcare friends really keeps me motivated. Congratulations on 20 days gamble free.

Have read through your diary with interest. A fascinating story and  perfect example of the damage which can be caused by compulsive gambling. You have in the past had 2 years gamble free. It would be good if you can do that again.

Wishing you well...stephen 

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 08:54

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks Stephen for taking the time out to write on my diary . I know I have abstained for 2 years in the past but that doesn’t mean 100% I could do it again without any problems . It was 11 years ago and the gambling world has changed . This newest period is the longest I have probably gone without gambling since then . I feel after many more beatings since that time that I have finally evaluated my life and realised that’s it for me 

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 20:16

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Vulture,

Been following your diary from the start and i see alot of myself in your veiws and attitudes. Love how you have thrown yourself into this so much and are offering support around the boards too. Will keep reading and posting when i have anything useful to add, just a well done keep at it and a hello from me today.

Posted on:
Sat, 13/01/2018 - 20:53

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

 

 

Day 20 Part 2

Hi sjwsjw thank you so much for your kind words and also taking time from your issues to read my diary . I’m an all or nothing person like a lot of compulsive gamblers so the posts that I make on mine and other peoples threads prove that . It’s cathartic and it helps me immense myself into this recovery totally so it becomes ingrained . Only then I feel will the poison start seeping out of me 

No one understands a gambler like a gambler  . 

So on today , it was A nice day . Took kids roller skating in the morning and went to my local football team with my brother and a couple of his friends . Hadn’t really spoken much to my brother in recent times. Navigated the conversation to me stopping gambling and he seemed disappointed when I told him I had stopped for 20 days . He knew I had issues years ago but either didn’t notice or didn’t care. I’m pleased I told him . Anyway the offer of drinking some more beers in town came up and I said I probably would . He was shocked because many a time I had no money but this time I did have £30 at the start of the day . Had £18 left when he asked so could happily go into town for a couple of beers like a normal person . Anyway it was freezing cold and he had further to go and we were walking past my house so at this point I called it a day . He went up town and just text me saying it was nice to see me . Went to Sainsbury’s with my money and treated the wife to a bottle of wine and myself a 6 pack of Heineken ! Small rewards but it was a moral victory for me and proof to my old brother that I had the means to go into town should I have chosen. To anyone reading this that last line is important . “SHOULD I HAVE CHOSEN” . Yes maybe I should maybe I shouldn’t but I had options that 20 days ago I didn’t . Feels really good that . So Saturday possibly the 3rd since I made a pledge to myself and as normal football matches on. I didn’t check my phone for scores . Didn’t see what was happening . Checked my phone at half time away from people to look at this website . No thoughts of gambling whatsoever but that doesn’t mean I’m out of the woods yet . Don’t think the woods are even showing on the map yet for me to drive to, let alone go through them . Introduced the kids to Indiana Jones and they have watched a couple of movies . Nostalgia for me but all new to them . Nice to spend time and doing something together like this rather than being the shell of a person I had been but not realising . I realise now . It’s time I can’t get back but tomorrow is my day. Today is my day . Hope you all have a gamble free weekend . 

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 16:43

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 21

3 weeks gambling free . Making progress with my mindset . I thought briefly about online gambling in the fact that I was a slave to it . Quick mental note that I have self excluded myself and even if I did find a site it would sure be connected to one that I have already self excluded . It was almost like a stress test on my blocks . Was never going to gamble just needed to reinforce to myself that it isn’t an option . I’m sure that’s normal . Today was a good day , took kids to the park on their scooters that they had for Xmas . Fed the ducks . Then as the wife was working today treated the kids to subway sandwiches . All in all spent less that £10 today . Now with the wife working she has been home and gone back for an hour . After working yesterday too it’s the first tine I can ever remember that our family have have earnt more than we have spent at a weekend . I feel guilty for the wife who works part tine and doesn’t earn a great deal . I was gambling my money after paying all the bills consistently month after month that was way above what she was earning . She could have had a couple of years off work and we would still be better off . Surprised she didn’t realise what I was doing but I must have hidden it so well . Moving forward I know that the money she earns could be saved once I get a handle on my short term debts over the next two or three months . Read a few more posts / success stories . Now it’s time to watch Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with the kids 

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 22:43

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi, I am so pleased that you've taken such a hard line approach in sorting out your life. You're considering every aspect - financial, family, health, work and leisure.

From your diary I can see that your gambling journey has taken over a big chunk of your life so far, but hopefully now that will cease to be the case. Compulsive gambling has given us false promises with only a few highs but many, many lows along the way.

As you say, - we may lose 1k or 50k - and it's all relevant to the individual person. But what makes us susceptible in the first place? Upbringing, influence, insecurity, greed, lack of confidence, boredom? Anyway, we must continue to put it behind us. Draw a line under it. Look to the future.

All the best with your courageous journey and remember to take appreciation of everything good in your life.

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 23:00

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thank you change my life for your appreciated comments and it’s given me a boost . Taking your point on about where it stems from I have given it some thought . Some children aren’t hugged enough and some are hugged too much . With my case my mother lost my middle brother through cot death before I was born . When I came along she was way over protective . On my first post I mentioned going to see my grandparents in Weymouth at the age of 6 and my mother not wanting me to go into arcades . Perhaps it was my way of rebelling against her feeling too smothered ? Who knows but it’s an interesting thought and one I have never had until now . I don’t think it’s 100% nature or nurture . I think reading some of other people’s posts we have similar traits in our character . One mentioned eating and drinking things fast and weirdly I am exactly the same . A lot of the feelings and actually their lives could be a carbon copy of mine although we are all strangers and have never met . Appreciate the encouragement and also thanks for provoking other feelings and thoughts from me 

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 21:10

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 22

All is good . Played a singles match at pool in a pub with a fruit machine in front of me . Lost the match but didn’t even consider the fruit machine . Going to keep it brief as I have been putting long monologues on . No dramas onto tomorrow 

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 21:36

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi vulture, read some of your posts and just want to congratulate you on your gf journey so far.
Good to hear you're enjoying some quality time with your children, I bet they loved it!
With regards to keeping your posts brief, you write for as long as you like. If it helps you, then write away. . .
I've written essays in the past to the samaritans and maybe even a few on here and I've always felt better for it in the end.
It must be difficult for you having the fruit machines in the pub. Don't let the temptation of them drag you back down.
Keep up the good work.
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Mon, 15/01/2018 - 22:32

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi little miss lost . Thanks for the encouragement . The fruit machine really wasn’t a problem to me . Didn’t notice it until after around an hour which was progress even though I have been in the same place many many times . One thing I forgot to mention in my diary was about the weekend . For some strange reason it actually felt like a 3 day one . Normally they rush by . Can only put it down to unplugging myself from the thoughts and acts of gambling and being more focussed on normal life 

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 19:04

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 23

Today is a great day . Got a phone call at work from my mortgage guy . The Argos card saga won’t be a problem to our remortgage . High st lender looked at my case and saw that I did everything possible in my DMP . Defaults drop off my file end of feb so they can change my mortgage to probably a 1.9% one instead of the 5.5% one I have . Will clear everything I will still have a good amount of equity and free up £900 a month servicing my debt and other things . The repayments will likely be less than my mortgage is now (the price I paid for gambling in the past ) . I am totally aware that some advice is not to do this but the gear change in myself and also the blocks in place I won’t be a slave to gambling anymore . My mortgage guy knows I gambled and I must keep my bank statements clean for the next couple of months . Such a relief I don’t want to give out all that money each month simply treading water . Confided  in the wife more last night about my feelings and how I have distanced myself from everything got to work on my relationship with her . She has been great . Tonight went spinning at the gym then watched the daughter do her swimming lesson.  Absolutely no thoughts of gambling I can smell the roses and they smell fantastic . 

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 20:27

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Vulture

Sounds good on the money front. Personally i say do what works for you. To me there is no reason to make an extra effort to punish yourself any more than you have to financially just to make a point. We all know what we've done and we all wish it hadn't gone so far. The ultimate goal is to just get on with a "normal" GF life. Some people manage to even stay out of debt but that isn't to say they didn't or are not suffering from the results of the addiction.

To me its about awareness of our triggers and the potential consequences of our actions. There doesn't have to be a debt for us to remember where we have and can end up again if we allow ourselves to gamble once its become a problem/compulsive.

Glad you have been able to enjoy your family time too. Its what its all about.

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 20:33

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks sjwsjw I have punished myself for the last 7 years to clear the DMP and went without a lot for myself (obviously the kids and wife were well looked after ) I am enjoying the benefits already of not gambling (non financial) and I need some kind of closure on it all. By killing everything off, closing any credit cards off and loans then I can finally get the millstone from around my neck . Otherwise I will still be a slave to it financially in another 7 years time . One of the issues like most gamblers is to try and win to clear debts . Without these debts and the equivalent of a 15k a year pay rise , there is a lot less motivation to gamble . It would make no sense . 

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 20:36

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks for the post on my diary and wanted to pop by and say hello! Great news on the mortgage, and love how optimistic the last few posts have been ... you seem to be great at focusing on going forwards, which is what I need to do ... although I’m trudging forwards a bit more miserably than you, I genuinely know we’re both going to crack this. Rich

Posted on:
Tue, 16/01/2018 - 21:23

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi Rich thanks for making me feel part of the community . Whilst I am aware it’s early days , it feels different this time for me . I have reached out to this site and people like yourself have kept me going in my recovery . Appreciative of you taking the time out of your day to post here and I am sure we will check in with each other shortly 

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 09:24

Took a wrong turn

Joined:
2012-02-22

Hi Vulture,

wanted to pop by and wish you well with your recovery. It's great to read how positive you are after some difficult years. Will check in with you when I can.

Wilsy

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 09:40

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Thanks Wilsy for your support it means a lot 

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 16:01

harry33

Joined:
2009-11-24

Hi,

Well done mate, i am in a similar position to you and am considering remortgaging once again to clear debts but have yet to confide to my wife the latest binge and damage i have done .. i will need to tell her soon as i am sure she will find out pretty soon and that will be alot worse.

Keep up the good work.

Harry

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 17:33

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

1Thanks Harry33 for the post . I see you have done 7 days which is great ! I have given it a lot of thought and the money part is a burden and I want to move on to a new stage in my life . However I have also read a few stories here where a re mortgage is just a way of racking up debts again which I simply can’t and won’t do. I suggest you do the same as me and buy a subscription to Experian and let the Mrs have access . Jointly close down every credit account once paid off . Then sit back and enjoy the benefits of not gambling financially and focus on yourself as a person . That’s certainly what I will do and I have been given a second chance in life to succeed 

 

Posted on:
Wed, 17/01/2018 - 22:22

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 24 

Evening all. For some reason yesterday I couldn’t get to sleep . 12am. 1am kept moving around and then 2am on my clock . Was up at 7am for work , must have been my mind working overtime it hasn’t happened for a long time , suppose it’s a normal side effect of going cold turkey ! Today was busy at work , then home and helped with the kids then a pool match tonight . Wasn’t tempted by the fruit machines at all. Didn’t have much time to check this website out today which is a good thing in one respect as I kept busy . Got a letter through from my credit card increasing the limit from £300 to £1200. From learning about my credit score it’s better to have a large limit but very low amounts on it . My wife knows about it and has the card so no issues to me . Was thinking about all the times that happened on other cards in the past and it definitely was a trigger to gamble . Thinking about when you can do it , what game you are going to play , etc etc . This time honestly for the first time for probably 20 years I thought ok this is decent for my future credit score and if my wife ever needed anything in an emergency it’s there . Won’t dwell on it as it’s not a relevant factor in my life personally . To anyone on here old and new , please feel free to say hi 

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:10

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

My credit card company added 1k of credit to my card without me asking back when i was gambling on it too. Annoyingly thats where most of my debt still sits and the APR aint kind. I got a letter from them yesterday offering me another credit card funnily enough (no thank you). Like you say when you are a compuslive gambler still in action its more funds to use. I still think for me the safer option is to lower the limits as i pay them off just to be safe. I don't honestly NEED anywhere near the level of credit i have available to me.

I need to get myself out and find a good pub with a nice pool table! I played in a weekly team before i moved and it was a good night out. Do like a game.

As for sleep, i seemed to sleep fine most of the time at the start. The only thing that i had happen a few times was gambling dreams. A couple of times i wasn't sure if i had actually gambled or not and had to check my online banking to make sure. Crazy how the mind works and what we did to it.

Hope you are doing OK

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:18

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Hi again thanks for popping by . You should go out and play pool . It’s a decent game but one of the things I prefer is snooker . With pool you play a team match and you could be there for 3 hours , play 2 games and maybe get one shot as there could be two 8 balls . Snooker you are there and play constantly ! 

Yes doing ok today had to speak to the bank and bring my overdraft under the agreed limits as they were talking about collections department and I couldn’t have anything evil showing on my credit file . No thoughts of gambling . Guess we can call this entry day 25 ! Hope things are good with you too

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:22

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

I was pretty good at pool. Snooker, nah. Tables too big. Highest break was 27, clearing the colours lol.

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:26

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Snooker tricky . Can only get in the mid 40’s and not all the time . Played a few pool tournaments at Great Yarmouth in the national competitions but that was blighted by me gambling . Crazy what we do to ourselves 

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:30

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

I used to play at Merlins in Great Yarmouth. Got a load of tables, 2 nice ones in the bar area for matches.

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:34

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

We were at Vauxhall holiday Park was playing super league for my town and we played against teams from all over the county . To anyone just reading my diary welcome to the pool forum! It’s only cost thousands of pounds and years of stress to join ....8-)

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 21:42

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

lol, nice. Im heading off to bed, up at 5:30 for work :K

Cya soon, take care

Posted on:
Fri, 19/01/2018 - 16:08

Bryan

Joined:
2017-12-24

Day 26

All going well no thought of gambling . My friends dad died earlier in the week and today I was thinking myself about my life and how much time we have here . It’s all over in the blink of an eye and I don’t want the rest of my life to be ruined by gambling . On tv joe public was describing how they buy an outfit when they go out or another guy on the net talking about the different cars he is into . Before I felt things like that were out of reach with my subconscious telling me I could never afford them . Only thing that stops me is my gambling and it’s not going to anymore . Got my pay slip for next week and instead of planning what I would have left to spend gambling , I’m planning on what short term debts to clear . Progress !!!

Posted on:
Fri, 19/01/2018 - 16:50

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

So good to read your upbeat posts vulture. Great news on the remortgage front.
Really hope you can stay strong and enjoy your new 'income!'
Your hard work and perseverance has paid off, proving that without gambling in our lives things really can only get better - long may it continue x

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