GamCare Logo
Login / Register

Giving up hurting everyone

21 posts / 0 new
Last post
Posted by
Messages
#1 Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 01:01

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

So here goes. After 9 years and countless pounds down the drain, i have now been gamble free for five days. But lets go back to five days ago.

Going to the cinema with my partner should have been a nice trip out. But i decided for some reason to go to a betting shop after taking money out of the bank as the kfc was cash only.

Leaving her standing waiting in kfc was the worst thing to do normally. But to lie to her face was worse. I nearly lost the best thing in my life. I had to argue till i was blue in the face but she stayed with me.

Now i look back on that moment, i should have been honest. But then i was chasing my fix. Signing up for GA next week and hopefully getting things back on track. Will keep you posted how days 6-10 go as payday was always my temptation day.

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 19:04

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

So day 6 is here and almost done. Feel like i still want to gamble a little bit, but looking at the partner makes me think again.

Having taken stock of the situation, i realise i could save the rent on a decent house if i stopped playing. And thinking in terms of cash helps, because it makes me realise what i had, what i lost and what i could have had......

Right now, i dont have a concrete strategy for dealing with the problem. What i have found is that little things like reading a book or doing housework can take the edge off things and that is my main aim... Distract myself so much that when i go to GA i have a clear mind and can accept help for once instead of my usual stubborn behaviour of burying my head in the sand

Posted on:
Thu, 04/01/2018 - 19:26

sjw

Joined:
2017-10-27

Hello Dayne,

Gambling is clearly a problem to you as you have now admitted. Its good that you came here to look for help and to write down thoughts and feelings about your gambling habbits. When gambling becomes compuslive it is almost impossible to stop using just willpower (don't get me wrong a FEW people manage to but i couldn't). We all know and except we have lost a lot to gambling and its more than just money but that doesn't just stop us wanting to do it sometimes.

Right now you need to look at ways to stop your access to gamble. You need to look at the gambling triangle (Time/Money/Location) and identify ways to remove one or more from that triangle to stop your urges becoming bets.

While you are in this frame of mind its a perfect time to self exclude for everywhere you can or could gamble. I would always advise people to tell someone about their problems. Talking about it is massive. It makes you accountable and gives you a real life outlet to talk to when you are struggling and realise you aren't alone with this problem. That would then make the next part easier. You need to look to limit the funds you have available to you. Can someone look after your debt/credit cards? Give yourself a budget for the day or week but don't carry around large amounts of cash or have access to that level of money. Its about protecting yourself and your money to allow you to address whatever it is that makes you want to gamble all the time. As you rack up the days gamble free it will clear your mind a little and let you work out what you need to do to move forwards without gambling.

Thoughts about gambling are very normal for us. Its not that you aren't trying hard enough to stop just because you have them. Its something many of us have done for so long, its "normal" for us to be so low financially and mentally as a result. We need to break this but it takes time.

Keep posting and take all the help you need/can get.

All the best!

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 00:34

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

Thanks for that sjwsjw... Im attending a GA meeting next thursday, my first one.... As for the money, that is a good idea. Im working on the self exclusion as well.

By doing the housework and other such things, its keeping me away from old haunts. That cuts off one part of the triangle.

The next part of it is time. By not being in those s**tholes anymore i have more time to think and a lot more time to appreciate my partner and thank god she chose to stay by me.

My regrets arent mainly the money. Its the free time and ultimately the activities i could have done. More trips abroad, more tattoos, more rock concerts, going back to volunteering for barnardos.....

This problem seems to have grabbed my life for 9 years and now i want it gone it's harder than i ever thought possible. But once again thank you for your reply

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 01:42

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

Honestly the best thing you can do mate is talk about it with your partner. I lied for so long I was tripping over my own lies. Stick at it, i didn’t even think I could stop. Now she knows everything and I’m now 135 days without a bet, I never think about it and have a gamble free xmas was such an unreal feeling. Good luck on your journey. Honesty is the key.

Posted on:
Fri, 05/01/2018 - 09:27

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

Thompson9, she knows pretty much everything now. Its painful admitting to everything but its better to, like you say.

Im 7 days now without a bet. Its not much to shout about nor should i be proud of it. Not after i lied to her to her face. Thats the thing with gambling. When the fix grabs hold, it grabs hard. I just wasnt strong enough to resist.

Now i need to focus on rebuilding bridges. If i can get rid of this mess and fix what needs to be fixed..... Then who knows what awaits. Thanks to all for listening and reading

Posted on:
Sat, 06/01/2018 - 10:51

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

Well, as we are now on day 8 of my diary.... Lets just say day 7 wasnt the total disaster i foresaw.

I had some stuff to deal with at my former grandfathers house which kept me busy. So i go for a red bull from the local off licence. The big blue and yellow sign of W. H is looming large. So i run into the shop and almost hide.

Cue my partner asking whats wrong, and i wouldnt say a word. This is not what i should be doing. However, i got on with what needed doing. I helped where i needed to help.

Fast forward three hours later, im out at the pub with my best mate taking a huge bollocking for my former sins. I felt like crawling into the coin slot of the nearest flashy light machine and just hiding there. But i couldnt. Im supposed to be recovering here.....

Two pints and half a box of lucky strike later we walk to my bus and not a look at anything. Day 7 wasnt so bad i guess but i was irritable all day. Is this what its like every time i will get paid?

Now im on day 8. Its getting closer to day 10. My first meeting is next thursday and i am s**t scared to be honest. The diary is one thing but a councillor or therapist is something different for me. Wish me luck guys...

Posted on:
Tue, 09/01/2018 - 21:20

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

Well, days 8,9,10 passed without incident. Being at work on a boring night shift actually helps. It breaks up the triangle, so thats working in my favour.

What goes against me is the inherent nature of other gamblers to talk about their winnings and try to get me back in the old way. I wish they would understand that all they are doing is trying to contribute to my failure.

For me, any form of gambling is failure. When i gamble, i lie. If i lie, i lose my partner first and im not willing to do that. Don't get me wrong. Im going to want this for a while. I cant expect a miracle cure in 11 days, but to hit double figures for me is nothing short of a miracle having gambled for 9 years.

All i can really say is that if the meetings help me, my family support me and i decide to do the right thing for a change, then i cant fail. And before anybody craps on that idea, im hard headed and stubborn as f*%@. I will succeed

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 17:00

Brummyboy

Joined:
2016-11-08

 

Dayne, 

Spoke to you at yesterday's GA meeting mate. Hats off to you coming all that way to the meeting. Keep coming and you will get your life back. Any problems or if you need anyone to speak to just ask. 

Dan 

Posted on:
Fri, 12/01/2018 - 18:35

RSmith39

Joined:
2017-12-24

Dayne,

All I can say is well done, as you didn’t give in at the bookies, and you went to GA (something I haven’t plucke up the courage to do yet). You seem to know the score anyway .... break the triangle. I’ve passed my funds over to my partner, so can’t gamble any material amount (and it wouldn’t interest me throwing in a few quid ... I like to waste loads!). At first I felt embarrassed doing it and being like a kid needing pocket money again, but now it seems so stress free not having the responsibility of money, and I have so much more time now I’m not betting .... that’s where the boredom would get me, so lack of money is the key. What I find is all gamblers talk about winning but we all know it’s bull so don’t get drawn in ... come look at these diaries when you’re wavering and see the reality ... go to Goodwood races every year for a couple of days ... my mate Jez won thousands on the Saturday and the group we were with thought he was some kind of betting guru ... his comment to me was ‘almost got back what I lost yesterday, so easy to only see one side of it! If we actually won we’d be on a yacht somewhere, not on Gamcare!? Reading your diary, you can succeed as telling the family, going to GA etc are some of the hardest bits.  Double figures soon .. onwards and upwards ... Rich

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 21:18

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

Brummyboy wrote:

 

Dayne, 

Spoke to you at yesterday's GA meeting mate. Hats off to you coming all that way to the meeting. Keep coming and you will get your life back. Any problems or if you need anyone to speak to just ask. 

Dan 


Dan, thanks for posting. Its now 16 days since i touched it, havebt thought about doing it and thanks for the hats off. For me, the distance isnt an issue. Its getting rid of a negative in my life and mind and replacing it with things that pass the time. See you next week mate

Posted on:
Sun, 14/01/2018 - 21:22

Dayne

Joined:
2018-01-03

RSmith39 wrote:

Dayne,

All I can say is well done, as you didn’t give in at the bookies, and you went to GA (something I haven’t plucke up the courage to do yet). You seem to know the score anyway .... break the triangle. I’ve passed my funds over to my partner, so can’t gamble any material amount (and it wouldn’t interest me throwing in a few quid ... I like to waste loads!). At first I felt embarrassed doing it and being like a kid needing pocket money again, but now it seems so stress free not having the responsibility of money, and I have so much more time now I’m not betting .... that’s where the boredom would get me, so lack of money is the key. What I find is all gamblers talk about winning but we all know it’s bull so don’t get drawn in ... come look at these diaries when you’re wavering and see the reality ... go to Goodwood races every year for a couple of days ... my mate Jez won thousands on the Saturday and the group we were with thought he was some kind of betting guru ... his comment to me was ‘almost got back what I lost yesterday, so easy to only see one side of it! If we actually won we’d be on a yacht somewhere, not on Gamcare!? Reading your diary, you can succeed as telling the family, going to GA etc are some of the hardest bits.  Double figures soon .. onwards and upwards ... Rich


Rich, at first it wasnt about courage. I was a coward who lied to his family and his partner and damn near lost her. Going to GA was an eye opening experience ans the guys there treated me like, well almost like family from the first moment. I reccomend it to you for that reason alone.

As for going to races, not my bag. I cant control it now so thats out of the question. What i want to do is keep going to the meetings, absorb as much advice as i can and put positives into my life to replace the wasted days hours and money lost in those places.

As for the partner, we are in discussions about control measures for me to help resolve issues from the past 9 years.....

Thanks for posting, almost 3weeks now free.

Posted on:
Thu, 18/01/2018 - 07:26

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

Hi everyone 148 days today can’t quite believe it. If you really want it you can do it that’s coming from someone who used to gamble every day, and never thought they could get that horrible tempting feeling to leave their brain. I advice people who really want it to use the services available, I’ve had 3 councillors in the last four years. 2 I felt I could really open up to about my gambling. Self exclusion is also really important, you can now self exclude from as many bookmakers as possible, I’ve got over 100 on my list now. Taking them temptations away really does help. For those just starting off don’t give up if you do relapse it’s part of your recovery I’ve relapsed but now something has clicked and it’s an amazing feeling not to wake up and think when can I next gamble. Good luck people.

Posted on:
Mon, 12/02/2018 - 12:42

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

173 days and I have my last counciling meeting this evening. I feel ready to carry on my journey without the help from my councillor. Can’t believe where I’ve come from and the difference I have made to my life since August. Very excited to build a positive future with my fiancé. Keep up the good work those on their journeys beating the horrible addiction of gambling. 

Posted on:
Sat, 03/03/2018 - 17:39

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

192 days today still going strong, have now finished my counciling and I feel I can do this on my own now. Planning a holiday for my year gamble free. 

Posted on:
Thu, 15/03/2018 - 13:27

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

Passed that 200 days mark, such a great feeling knowing how far I’ve come from this time last year when I was really struggling.

Posted on:
Sat, 14/04/2018 - 10:29

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

Haven’t wrote on here for a while, 234 days still going strong. Literally can’t wait to get to a year and celebrate with a nice holiday.

Posted on:
Thu, 14/06/2018 - 21:55

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

Haven’t wrote on here for so long, still going strong. Nearly 300 days I can’t belive how far I’ve come.

Posted on:
Tue, 19/06/2018 - 12:21

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

300 days today feel like such a massive achievement. To those people still making the effort to stop. It is achievable when in the right mindset. Use the excellent services available to help. 

Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 23:44

Thompson9

Joined:
2017-08-17

Haven’t been on here for a while, but the other week I passsed my year mark of being gamble free for a whole year. Such a great feeling to have completely turned my life around and be enjoying life. For a good few years gambling destroyed me inside and really had a hold on my life. Now the tables have turned and I’m beating gambling day by day and it feels amazing.

Posted on:
Wed, 05/09/2018 - 23:55

A 9

Joined:
2018-08-31

Massive congratulations Thompson on passing your year marker , I know from experience just how that feels and just how much that feeling will continue to drive you forward in your recovery .

Your now winning for real my friend and reaping the benefit's as you go :)).

Wishing you continued success  and sending my best wishes :))