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Posted on:
Wed, 28/06/2017 - 12:51

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks Markman your words are very kind, I don't mean to be 'oh just 100 days' but sometimes I can't help but compare it to 5 years of gambling . Also no need to apologise, ponder away! !. If I can help anyone in my way, shape or form to get through this journey then all the better ad I know for sure I couldn't have made it thus far without the support of everyone here. I am a non teller for my own reasons so here is the only place to let it all out. So mucho congrats on your 169 and don't feel guilty about recovery I guess it'S a healing process, take care S:)

Posted on:
Wed, 28/06/2017 - 20:25

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hi awesome Sharon , nice to see you happily settling into the 2nd century , you have a wonderful sense of humour and display kindness and dignity .

Post 146 touched a raw nerve with me ; " Your life is short . You have no clue when this ride will end . Stay present and live fearlessly " . So poignant and never a truer word said .

For me it is a sobering reminder ..... Age 66 .... Savings , a lump of my works pension , redundancy payment , all given to the casinos and bookmakers . On a debt repayment plan and nothing to leave the loved ones . Think it might be an idea if i pay monthly into a funeral plan and going to look into it .

Thankyou Sharon ,  you frequently inspire me in many different ways . Take care  .  Stephen. x

 

Posted on:
Wed, 28/06/2017 - 21:10

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

As always Stephen you are very kind and do acknowledge that you are so encouraging and positive to so many on this forum. Although obviously you can't undo what has been done you are fighting a good fight 100% with your heart and soul, anyone can see that! It It makes me happy and humble for your to say that I have inspired you even more reason to soldier on, take care S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 29/06/2017 - 14:52

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Sharon has her moments , she has her ups n downs

Some days she has a happy smile , some days she has a frown 

Determined , strong , ready , eager to answer to the calls

Lets go get that addiction and kick it in the . . . . . ! 

Posted on:
Thu, 29/06/2017 - 16:15

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Lol you have such a way with words, brilliant!! Must say feeling pretty kickass today, hope your having a super GF day too S:)

Posted on:
Fri, 30/06/2017 - 20:52

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

After a up and down kind of week I had a great chat with someone who has written a motivational book. I obvs didn't mention gambling but suggested I had low self esteem etc . But she was talking about how negative thoughts destroy our self worth and stop us from moving forwards in life. I'm going to get a copy and will report back, anything to keep on track. Have a great GF werkend everyone S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 02/07/2017 - 20:11

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Great weekend, yesterday working then today decided to forget housework, work, debt, money worries and headed out for a long walk with a good friend, Have spent a lot of time thinking about how I view myself and have realised I don't cut myself much slack and maybe the gambling cycle was a way of making myself miserable which I thought I deserved if that makes sense?. So am going to grab the motivation book I spoke of in my last post and really try and Draw a line with the debt I have, make one monthly payment and then put it in a box in my head that only opens once a month,  But as ever I am so grateful for the support and encouragement here also reading diaries helps me understand more everyday. Take care and here's to another GF week S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 03/07/2017 - 00:03

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Thanks for your post sharon, you should be proud of yourself, you're doing so well!!
I hope your book helps you. You seem to be a lovely caring person and yes, you probably do need to cut yourself some slack and so should you Stephen (abstainer - I know you read sharon posts!)
We've got to learn from the past and not let it hinder what we do today.
You have to take time out to start enjoying life again. Stop beating yourself up, you are good people and worthy of happiness. Never forget that.
All good wishes x

Posted on:
Mon, 03/07/2017 - 08:13

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Lml thanks for posting, I had full intentions of positivity and be kind to Sharon yesterday.. Unfortunately mid/late evening my teenager daughter gave me quite a verbal bashing over 'why can't we have a better house or a car etc' Just to give a bit of background I've been a single parent since her birth (16 years ago' and have always been on minimum wage type jobs. But of course  I know if I hadn't gambled We would be in a much better financial position. So right now I feel I have hit my rock bottom, the only way I could feel worse about mysrlf is if I was still gambling which isn't going to happen.  Sorry for such a negative post hut I guess the only way is up from here S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 03/07/2017 - 18:19

ODAAT

Joined:
2014-11-10

It's a rollercoaster Sharon!  Being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world & beating yourself up when others are doing it for you doesn't make it hurt less!  There are people here with better houses & flash cars still making the same desperate choices you made & your little girl will look back in years to come & cringe @ the words she has bestowed upon you today!  Finances shminances, my niece & nephew have everything material they want (thank goodness they don't want) but they would give it all up in a heartbeat to live in a shoebox with their mum back from heaven!  You can't change the past but you can continue to give her the best gift of all (love) by looking after yourself & doing everything you can & need to find your balance.

Onwards & upwards - ODAAT 

Posted on:
Mon, 03/07/2017 - 20:12

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thank you so much for this reality check ODAAT, after a frosty response before leaving the house this morning I just felt  wounded and upset because despite gambling I have put my all into parenting, as I should.But mid morning she did come and apologise, had a mutual cry and it has blown over. Ineed all the money in the world doesn't buy love or happiness. Thanks again and I will continue to carry on being GF and restoring my self belief, Take care S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 03/07/2017 - 23:51

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Just getting my telescope ready ! A brilliant star will be visible over the horizon in 10 minutes ! 

Yabba Dabba Do  & Yeeeeha ..........." 110 Day Sharon "  getting brighter by the day . 

Posted on:
Tue, 04/07/2017 - 19:15

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks as ever for your encouragement,  pretty happy today to be ticking over the days S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 06/07/2017 - 09:55

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Sharon . Just wanted to wish you well . 56 Days since I last gambled , on that day you were 56 days into your travels . In some ways it seems like ages ago but than it can feel like it was only yesterday . Thankyou so much for your help on my journey , I have always feel reassured seeing you up ahead in the distance kicking gambling demons bottoms ....... stephen x 

Posted on:
Thu, 06/07/2017 - 17:28

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Sharon

Don't beat yourself up anymore, time to put that stick away. Teenagers and their hormones, ultimately she will know what you gave up for her and how hard it has been raising her on your own.

We are all fully behind you, you are not rock bootom, you are on your way up. Keep going and stay strong. Happiness, smiles and love will get you through, not the misery of a gamble.

Take care

Matt

Posted on:
Thu, 06/07/2017 - 19:03

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Matt Thanks so much for this uplifting post, the dust has settled and she apologised after a bout of mutual crying. Because I don't know any different I forget I have raised her alone and that I'm not  indestructible  . I'm learning all the time to be kinder to myself. Hope you're having a super GF week and enjoying the sunshine,  take care my friend S:)

.

Posted on:
Sun, 09/07/2017 - 13:25

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Thank you Sharon for your kind words. I hope you have a lovely day today. I am so proud of you x

Posted on:
Sun, 09/07/2017 - 20:06

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hi Sharon ,

Just read your story ! Well done for staying GF. Keep up the good work. Stay strong for the your daughter . You're amazing .

Sars 

Posted on:
Sun, 09/07/2017 - 20:32

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Aww thanks, have got my guard up 100% and trying to always look forward. Sometimes though dwell heavily on the money and time I have wasted but now slowly understand the gambling was the tip of the iceberg. This site has been a lifeline and even though it is a mix 500 days on the counter, stories of relapse or family it all adds up to fantastu c support which I certainly couldn't do without, take care and here is to a GF future S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 10/07/2017 - 01:27

Our Lady

Joined:
2017-02-21

Hi Sharon

It's been a while since I was last on here but was looking out for you and so pleased to read that you are still g.f.  Well done you!  Hope your days/weeks and months are steadily improving for you as are mine.

Take care and remain strong.

Our Lady 

Posted on:
Thu, 13/07/2017 - 23:28

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Hi Sharon . Hope your happy and well , coming up to 120 Days gamble free . 

Your words of wisdom and encouragement shine out . One day at a time is my favourite ,  so simple yet a great mantra when life  looks a bit scary . 

You have done so well and I am mega proud . You've been going through all kinds of mixed emotions but stayed strong and kept your head held high .

You really are a star even if you don't sometimes feel that way ......stephen x 

 

Posted on:
Fri, 14/07/2017 - 13:58

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Stephen thanks so much for being there with kind words and buckets of positivity, I sure do have my ups and downs but ad long as I go to sleep every night knowing I haven't gambled I know I'm one day closer to a debt free and happier future. Have a great weekend, take care S :)

Posted on:
Fri, 14/07/2017 - 18:59

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Can't believe 20 days have pasted since the 100 day mark, I haven't posted much as have been v.busy at work but am still in tune to the fact that not gambling is the only way. Simple pleasures as paying bills on time, small treats and a mini break in a couple of weeks makes a huge difference and the feeling of being 'normsl'. But not assuming I'm out of the woods as have frequent mood swings and learning that I'm not a terrible person but just got suckered into a vicious circle. So have a great weekend and 1000 thank yous to all the supportive and kind people on this forum S:)

Posted on:
Fri, 14/07/2017 - 19:14

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

You reminded me to do this a day at a time and.. Wow.. what a difference a day makes, your now at 120 days gamble free. So glad, so happy for you and especially pleased to hear you have things to look forward too, I hope you enjoy them very much x

Posted on:
Fri, 14/07/2017 - 19:59

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks WAI so much easier to break things down instead of taking too much on, best of wishes for your recovery everyone is routing for you. Take care my friend x

Posted on:
Sat, 15/07/2017 - 20:29

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

I still find people's diaries such a source of comfort and help, rather than feeling isolated and hopeless they have helped me move forward. Have been working loads lately but am having a mini break at the end of the month which I'm going to enjoy even more not knowing a)I deserve it and b)can comfortably afford it because I don't gamble anymore.....good times. Have a great GF weekend S:)

Posted on:
Sat, 15/07/2017 - 20:43

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Sharon all your hard work is paying off. You definately deserve it!!!

Makes me so happy your outlook on this. Also is comforting to know how over a short period of time we can feel so much better mentally, phsically, finacially and emotionally. I'm not saying it isn't easy and the sadness/ guilt isn't still there, but overtime I reckon things will get easier. You are doing great! The future is yours and it is for living. Live it too the full x 

Whatever doesn't break us makes us stronger x

Posted on:
Sat, 15/07/2017 - 21:24

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

I agree with you Sharon , people's diary definitely helps to decrease isolation . Hence I'm here cause you're inspiring ! Enjoy your weekend and yes you deserve to get a break :) 

Sars 

Posted on:
Sun, 16/07/2017 - 08:24

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks so much WAI for your kind words, yep a few months makes a world of difference but remember in the first few weeks how hard it was to make it to the end of everyday. But if I have helped anyone in anyway that is a huge bonus to my own diary. Sara thank you too for posting, ebay one here is 100% behind you! Here's to a peaceful Sunday and future  S:)

Posted on:
Sun, 16/07/2017 - 11:10

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Enjoy your peaceful Sunday and future, I am going to follow that and do the same today :)

Sharon-you really helped me at the beginning of my journey, but most importantly when I returned, it made my eyes well up with gratitude and hope when I returned and I read your post. I can also see you have helped alot of others :)

I have realised that by being active on here makes us stronger. It strengthens our support networks, our resolve, it shows our kindness and helps us all to find answers, deal with our problems, realise what is important and what we want out of life. It may not be an easy journey, but we are all here for each other. I sometimes think that it is often easier to help others than help yourself, but actually by helping others we are helping ourselves. 

Have a fabulous day today :) x

 

Posted on:
Sun, 16/07/2017 - 20:41

New day

Joined:
2015-04-05

Thanks for the support. Keep enjoying your gamble free days. 

Posted on:
Mon, 17/07/2017 - 22:21

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Well done Sharon . Really like the 1 2 3 , it looks awesome cute and neat .... Thought you might like this quote ; 

Accept what is

Let go what was 

Believe in what will be 

Dont be a toad get on the road with Sharon Superstar ( ha ha  I added that bit on ) ....... stephen x

 

Posted on:
Tue, 18/07/2017 - 08:15

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Brilliant, I like this ALOT! You are such a gem, supporting so many whilst on your own journey. Have a great GF day, take care S:)

Posted on:
Thu, 20/07/2017 - 00:06

Who am I

Joined:
2017-05-17

Hope you are okay Sharon. So proud of you  x

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 11:15

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Getting ever closer to 150 days GF Sharon.

You should be massively proud.

Hope you have a nice wekened planned.

Matt

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 11:42

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks Matt :)

Posted on:
Fri, 21/07/2017 - 12:14

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Just googled ' A Rose of Sharon ' ..... WOW .....How lucky are we to have one growing in amongst the diaries .

Colourful , showy flowers appear in summer in shades of white , red , pink and purple on the Rose of Sharon bush .

Growing Rose of Sharon is an easy and effective way to add long lasting summer colour with little fuss .

Posted on:
Sun, 23/07/2017 - 16:30

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

130 days tomorrow Sharon ! Wow just a big WOW !you've done so well with your recovery. You've set the bar high ! Keep up the good work :) thanks for your continuous support .

Sars 

Posted on:
Sun, 23/07/2017 - 20:38

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks Sars!! Time does seemed to have gathered speed and I have days when I don't think about gambling at all, then have other days when my main thoughts about gambling are regrets, feeling stupid and sadness. I do check in everyday to catch up and read posts, so this forum has been key to my ongoing recovery. More so ad I'very chosen not to tell anyone in 'real life' but I have full intentions of staying GF and am gradually becoming the person I want to be. But I do know that for alot of people confiding in someone has helped. Best wishes on your journey, you're bossing it!! Here's to a GF future take care S:)

V

Posted on:
Mon, 24/07/2017 - 08:31

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

Morning Sharon . Congratulations on 130 Days GF. I know it's been an anxious time , a real up and down emotional rollercoaster . You've been to hell and back with worry and regret , but  you've stayed strong . 

I have so much admiration for the courage you have shown and hope I can follow your wonderful example .

I believe you have a mini break coming up . Whilst your enjoying your time away , take time to reflect on what you have achieved so far . Your a very special lady and a great friend to turn to .

Your still 56 days up ahead of me lighting up the recovery road and showing the way . Respectfully yours stephen x

Posted on:
Mon, 24/07/2017 - 11:43

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

As ever Stephen I can't thank you enough for these kind words and your support. I must admit I don't feel strong and courageous today more the opposite:( Not sure why as am still GF and moving forward but I suppose the damage 5 years of gambling has done isnt going to fade away that easily, if ever. Sorry this is a negative post, I think we probably all think similar things 'if only,  how could I have done this etc' but to be realistic what's done is done but it doesn't stop me from feeling like c*** on a frequent basis.Honestly if I didn't have this site to vent my feelings I would be in a far worse state. So moan over and here is to another GF week,  take care S:)

Posted on:
Mon, 24/07/2017 - 22:00

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

I know it's easy to say the past is over , however the repercussions of our gambling will haunt us for some time . Hopefully one day we can put it behind us for good . 

Its great how you get your thoughts and feelings in the diary where you can look at them objectively . Your down to earth approach to recovery is refreshing . You might not know exactly what you want , but you do know exactly what you don't want .

Well done Sharon ....... 

Posted on:
Mon, 24/07/2017 - 22:03

screwball

Joined:
2014-06-13

 Evening Sharon,

Great to read your still GF, and as much as you feel the bad days they can be good for you, they keep you focused on your happier future, 5 years will soon fade away , to just a bump in your life. It feels like a mountain some mornings others just a mole hill. You stand strong on top and keep building that new life.

Enjoy your week

Posted on:
Mon, 24/07/2017 - 23:15

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thank you both for posting, wise words...no one said it was gonna be easy! After my black cloud moment this morning my whole day has certainly given me food for thought, I had a chat with someone I do know that well but confided that in the past few months her life had been turned upside down by her partner leaving her out of the blue. Obviously not comparing this to gambling etc but made me think at least I am in control by not gambling and it can't hurt me anymore than it has, Poor woman, felt humble that she felt she could talk to me about her situation, So I have pulled those socks up and will carry on the mission to remain GF, take care S :)

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 09:40

Matt 24

Joined:
2012-04-25

Hi Sharon

Start believing in yourself a little more. You are fast becoming a little pillar of support for people on here and it is no surprise to me that your friend came to you "in real life" when she needed someone.

Stay strong and your doing great. What's gone is gone but what is in front of you can only be good without the gamble.

Matt

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 18:28

Sharon41

Joined:
2017-03-16

Thanks Matt, I know I need to be kinder to myself but after 16 years of putting someone else first (and quite rightly so) and mentally beating mysrlf up over gambling it's a struggle! I am trying more than ever though as I know it'S part of recovery. Thanks again S:)

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 19:34

Little miss lost

Joined:
2016-05-24

Hi sharon, just thought I'd stop by to say you're doing really well.
Your story sounds very similar to mine. Similar age, length of time gambling etc.
I know I'm not telling you anything you don't already know when I say,It's not easy and we can all feel the need to beat ourselves up about the money and time lost due to gambling but even when we do, nothing changes. The past is the past, no amount of regret can change it but we can look at changing the path of our future. Positive changes made now will make a difference to our lives.
Using the past to learn from is far more beneficial.
Feel proud of yourself. You have helped countless people on here and staying gamble free will allow you to carry on the good work which I am sure brings it's own rewards for you. Stay strong, remember, you deserve better!!!
lml x

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 23:17

changemylife

Joined:
2016-11-02

Hi Sharon. Just thought I'd say hi. Having read through your diary you strike me as a determined person ready to leave the past in the past, which I know isn't easy at all. But long term it's worth it!

You've read enough posts to realise that it's not all 'plain sailing'. However hard or difficult our lives may seem - there's always a way forward, and don't forget - there is inevitably someone else in an even worse position!

All the best. I'm sure you can leave the gambling behind you - just where it belongs!

Posted on:
Tue, 25/07/2017 - 23:25

ItMattersMoreWh...

Joined:
2017-06-02

Gambling is for mugs! Let's not be mugs anymore. You're doing a cracking job so far, keep positive and keep going ODAAT.

Posted on:
Wed, 26/07/2017 - 10:22

Self Sufficient...

Joined:
2017-05-10

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