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#1 Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 16:27

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Gone and done it again..... been gambling and lost another large amount of money,how many times am i going to do this to myself?...really need something to change this time have phoned up about councelling and will get a call back on tuesday as tomorrow is a bank holiday... have a little  money left as i always seem to keep enough for rent, food, bills etc but know if things dont change i will end up leaving myself with nothing, really angry with myself can live with hurting myself but cant deal with hurting my family... finally know now cant beat this without help so hoping something happens regards the concelling.... this horrible disease has taken alot from me i need to stop now before it takes everthing

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 17:24

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Right , I'm going to be brutal here in the hope that it might make you have a good rummage around down below to find a pair and start fighting this addiction properly ! . Just looking back over you diary's and youv'e been her for two and a half years doing the same thing . All the diarys , Day 1 , back again , starting afresh , need this time to be the last , and now Final chance , how many more titles will it take to make you realise you will only win the day you stop gambling for good ? .

Youv'e been around long enough to realise what this is doing to you and your family and that 's not going to ever chamge unless you do my friend , I've been where you are and I know it's not easy to walk away from but It can be done you just have to want to stop more than you want that next bet !  .

Where's all the blocking software ? the non access to funds ? the keeping busy to distract yourself gone ? Time .,Money , location keep it broken you can't gamble ! It's all basic simple stuff that you and I and every other Compulsive Gambler needs to keep us safe but you can just " Rock up on a site and Gamble again which means " It aint in place " ? .

I'm sorry if this is coming accross harsh but sometimes we just need a good kick up the **** to make us start realising that at some point time's going to run out with chances .

Look back at those diary's and choose the next title of "  Finally Stopped Gambling for good " or the next one could be " I've lost everything I hold dear "

Take care buddy

Alan  

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 18:10

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Hi Alan, Thanks for your reply............. You are 100% correct in everything you have said thanks for being honest with me and i have taken everything you have posted on board as you have said you have been in this position yourself and are talking from experince, i feel i am now on my last chance and and now realise that blocking software etc is no enough for me and am hoping that councelling can be arranged... Thanks for taking the time to respond to me .

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 18:47

Merry go round

Joined:
2017-06-08

Chartom I know every one is different and I'll get criticism from some but go to a GA meeting, get a bit of reality. Go look in the mirror , see where you'll be in another year. It's hard, it's brutal but it's honest. 

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 20:46

Sars27

Joined:
2017-06-02

Hey chatrom  sorry to hear about your relapse again man !I echo ALAN ! The advice that the man give is just perfection ! Alan you're a role model to us all !  

I guess you need a sharp dose of reality my friend .

Sars 

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 21:54

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Chartom , It's always a pleasure to chew things over with a fellow CG and I'm glad you took the post as it was intended :)) .

There's loads of stuff out there that we can use to go forward and the councilling for you sound's a great idea , I was wondering if it's something you'd had a go at before ? or GA for that matter as MGR said ? .

Either way buddy your back and still pushing forward so Kudos to you for trying another way , I think youv'e just got to let it all go , leave all the losses behind and close the door , yoiu can nail this mate but you need to push yourself hard to conquer that fear of not coping without using gambling as a support , once you do you'll start reaping those reward's :))

Stay safe Fella :)) 

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 22:12

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Alan, Always welcome advice (harsh or otherwise) from someone like yourself who has been there and done it, as for councilling or GA no they are not something i have tried before and would really like to try either or both of them as i feel i need something  to do somethind different this time , havent tried them in the past as i live about 30 miles from my nearst meeting and i dont drive. Have a call back from  councilling people on Tuesday so hopefully something can be sorted.Thanks for the support mate , really does mean alot to me. Cheers....

Posted on:
Sun, 27/08/2017 - 22:44

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Well I hope you hear a positive response on Tuesday Bud and all goes well , I've not been to GA either,  and my reason was my working hours are really strange but it would be something I'd be open to if I felt the need and I'd have to try and work something else out , to be honest though with my family for support and this wondefull place and it's mixed bag of Guests I seemed to have come a long way , still a lifetime's work ahead but that's ok as it's alway's just One day at a time eh :)) .

Take care mate have a good night and you know where I am if you need a natter :))   

Posted on:
Mon, 28/08/2017 - 07:07

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

So the sun rises on day 1 (Again) ........ ......Something feels different this time, (has the penny finally dropped ?),   I cant keep going round in circles and realise that things have to done different this time if for nothing else for my sanity.I am in all other walks of life a normal person but online sports betting has turned me into monster, someone i dont like at all.The money is gone will take years to repay but finally starting to realise life is not all about money its about spending time with family time which i has wasted these last 5 years and cant get back.Got a call back on tuesday regarding councilling and really hope something comes of it as it is clear blocking software, help on here, etc is not enough for me.......

Posted on:
Mon, 28/08/2017 - 22:15

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 1 done....................no thoughts of gambling but there never is straight after a big loss, looking forward to hearing back from the councilling people tomorrow as i really do think that is something i would benefit from, trying to look forward and not back and be thankfull for what i still have loving family, roof over my head, food in the cupboards.Tomorrows a new day and one i intend to spend GF.....

Posted on:
Mon, 28/08/2017 - 22:51

alainepo

Joined:
2016-07-27

I hope it goes well for you with the counselling people tomorrow, don't be tempted to down play your problems. You need help, you are entitled to help so pursue it with the same gusto with which you used to pursue a betting opportunity. If you can approach non gambling with the same determination as you used to approach gambling then that can only be a good thing. Don't get fobbed off either by the counselling people, you need help. You have tried to quit many times but you need something extra be it counselling or GA or whatever you get out there and find the things that help the most.

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 02:07

Christer1

Joined:
2016-02-29

Sorry to hear bout ur relapse well done like me for getting up and starting again

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 09:23

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

alainepo wrote:

I hope it goes well for you with the counselling people tomorrow, don't be tempted to down play your problems. You need help, you are entitled to help so pursue it with the same gusto with which you used to pursue a betting opportunity. If you can approach non gambling with the same determination as you used to approach gambling then that can only be a good thing. Don't get fobbed off either by the counselling people, you need help. You have tried to quit many times but you need something extra be it counselling or GA or whatever you get out there and find the things that help the most.

Thanks for the sound advice....... I would normally try and play down my problems to people thats just the way i am but you are right i need help this time  have tried but realise now i cant beat this by myself.

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 15:41

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Day 2 GF.......been working out my finances today and have no doubt left  myself really short money wise, have a family hoilday coming up at halloween which luckly is paid for and spending money is sitting in CU account which cant be touched, so far managed to stay out of debt this time but will prob need to take out a loan to cover Christmas.......all this has made me realise what i am doing not just to myself but to my family and given me new resolve and determination to fight harder than ever this time.

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 18:25

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi chartom :)) 

It's not great fun looking long and hard at the result's of our spending but it's something we just have to face and deal with I'm afraid . A couple of yrs on and I still have debt as a result of it all but I try and be positive about it in that it is going down instead of up , it also kinda acts as a reminder to me of what addiction can do and it also say's as "Recovery's for life " what's the rush to pay it off ? .

Stay safe buddy :)) 

Posted on:
Tue, 29/08/2017 - 21:16

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

So been waiting all day for the call back i was expecting from the councilling people who i contacted on Sunday,but it never came will have to get on with them again  tomorrow to find out if there is anything  available in my area (i live in the sticks).......tommorow will be day 3 for me and it will be GF i am certain of that, feel more determind than i have ever felt to succeed this time but also know i have to not get to far ahead of myself.... thiis time i feel up for the fight.

Posted on:
Wed, 30/08/2017 - 11:21

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

1. Block using K9 for free on EVERY device

2.Cut up cards and freeze them without their CCV

3. Get rid of PayPal, net teller, your wallet!

4. Phone banks and credit card companies and get tell them! They will block gambling transactions from then on as responsible lenders.  If they don't, threaten to report them, and they will.

5. Really this should be number one, tell a loved one, tell them your intentions but hold up your side of the bargain and HONOUR that commitment

6. Get good a knitting, baking, writing stories, keep a blog, visit forums, take up a musical instrument, get good a couponing but also realise that there are better pursuits than gambling. Spend your time sitting down for tea with your kid and partner. Turn off the phone and iPad that already has K9 installed and savour this wonderful thing we call life!

7. Stop kidding yourself! Gambling wants to kill you. The leaders of the gambling industry say they want you to have controlled fun but they want your money! 

8. Self exclude from ALL websites and bookies! Use pictures and have no shame as you are getting better! Should have been higher!

 

Forgive yourself, we all make

mistakes, just learn from them! Do it, do it now!.

 

Found this on another thread think it is great advice for people on here that there problem is with gambling online

Posted on:
Wed, 30/08/2017 - 20:13

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary.....Day 3 almost done again no thoughts of gambling, knowing blocking software is in place and debit card now with my partner is a big plus for me as in the past i always left  some doors open.Guilt  at the money lost and the hurt i have caused my family (my children no nothing about my gambling problem) is still there and i suspect will be for quite some time.I now realise in the past a wanted to stop losing, this time is different i want to stop gambling......

Posted on:
Wed, 30/08/2017 - 20:58

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Chartom3 - you're putting into place solid blcokers to help restrict your gambling ... good, good ... now it's time to reinvigorate your approach to this. What's different this time; how about the feeling you can really be free of this? You know it's no good. You have a choice. Just look at gambling and think: I'm free of this and ain't doin' it no more. Look at it, and the devil on your shoulder, with contempt. And when that devil whines and moans that he wants a gamble, flick him off. He'll tire, lose interest in tempting you ... and, in time, you'll lose interest in it too.

Posted on:
Thu, 31/08/2017 - 09:09

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

My son starts his new school today just seen him off and am feeling a bit emotional to be honest, i love both my children to bits thinking of the amount of money i have lost these last 5 years and the things they have missed out on because of my actions really does make me feel angry and guilty, i dont want them to have a dad who is a compulsive gambler and am more determind than ever this time, they deserve better..... Day 4 and today i will not gamble.

Posted on:
Thu, 31/08/2017 - 09:50

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

I have a young son, too, Chartom, who's starting school next week. 

I'm looking at him, like you are with your children, and thinking: he doesn't deserve this.

So let's both take our head out the sand this time and go the extra mile to deal with this. It's about changing our mindset, realising we have a choice; otherwise, pure and simple, if we don't go all out to try, we are being selfish. Some may disagree, but it comes down to this in my opinion.

Remember, we have the freedom to choose not to gamble. You've pinpointed two excellent reasons why - I'm sure you can think of more.

Keep posting regularly as you are Chartom - helps top up the inner resolve I know you have.

Posted on:
Thu, 31/08/2017 - 11:59

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Mixer wrote:

I have a young son, too, Chartom, who's starting school next week. 

I'm looking at him, like you are with your children, and thinking: he doesn't deserve this.

So let's both take our head out the sand this time and go the extra mile to deal with this. It's about changing our mindset, realising we have a choice; otherwise, pure and simple, if we don't go all out to try, we are being selfish. Some may disagree, but it comes down to this in my opinion.

Remember, we have the freedom to choose not to gamble. You've pinpointed two excellent reasons why - I'm sure you can think of more.

Keep posting regularly as you are Chartom - helps top up the inner resolve I know you have.

Thanks for the continued support Mixer really does mean alot to me, things do feel different this time as if the penny has finally dropped but at the same time i know its very much still early days for me, know for a fact a couldnt do this without the help &  encouragement from people on here like yourself . 

Posted on:
Thu, 31/08/2017 - 19:54

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary....... So the councilling people eventually got back to me today and unfoutunatly there is none availlable in my area, they have  put me on a waiting list with the possibilty of doing on skype or over the phone, will just have to wait and see what comes of it....... glad to say im still gf with no thoughts of gambling at all just of guilt and regret at the position i have put us in again, hope that these will ease a little as i continue to try to put things right.

Posted on:
Fri, 01/09/2017 - 08:05

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary....... Day 5 today gf.....feeling quite down at the minute finding it hard to forget about money lost and keep thinking about how short i have left us with a holiday coming up at halloween and Christmas straight after.No urges to gamble which is good but cant stop beating myself up at what i have done, need to try and move on and forget about the past..... just having a bad day i suppose need to ride it out and there will be better ones ahead as long as i am gf

Posted on:
Fri, 01/09/2017 - 13:43

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Afternoon Chartom :)).

I'm sure you do feel down as it's all still quite Raw at the moment mate , What you have to focus on now is how much worse you'll feel if you gamble again ? .

What's the best case scenario ? . You could go and have a bet and there might be a possibility that you'll end the day a few quid up but for a start it's not going to be " Life changing money " that could in on swipe clear your debt and even if you did win big then would you stop there or carry on doing what youve alway's done and chase the buzz again ? you know any money won would just take you right back to the start with the cycle of Win, Lose , gamble starting all over again ! .

It's not easy turning your back on it but as I've said before you really do have to close your mind to the losses and let them go ., what's the alternative go back to doing what brought you here ?   " Nothing changes if nothing changes " Buddy ! .

Keep pushing on and it will ease :)) 

Posted on:
Fri, 01/09/2017 - 21:22

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Thanks Alan for your continued support and advice, wise words as always, it does help.

Evening Diary..........My mood has improved greatly from this morning,feeling alot more positive about things, money lost is still eating away at me but cant let that drag me down,even though i am its only day 6 for me tomorrow i am feeling alot of benefits already spending quality time with my children,doing more housework,getting more exercise to name a few.Still very much early days i know and there be plenty of ups and downs to come

Posted on:
Fri, 01/09/2017 - 22:06

Stephen The Strong

Joined:
2017-05-10

Thankyou Chartom for your support and also for taking the time to read my diary .

It's good you admit to being a compulsive gambler who wants to stop gambling . You have blocked access to gambling websites . You have handed over the bank card to your partner . You make regular posts in your diary and interact positively with GamCare friends . You may have counselling over the phone which could help .

Seems to me you have done all you can , that in itself takes a lot of courage .

My heart really goes out to you , it can be so difficult to let go . The thought of never gambling again can sometimes fill us with dread , at times like that we just have to concentrate on getting through the day . Wishing you every success in your recovery .....stephen 

Posted on:
Sat, 02/09/2017 - 08:31

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary........ Day 6 for me today,every day seems like a rollercoaster right now for me one minute feeling ok next minute  not so good but the main thing is i am still gamble free. The sun is shining which always helps so will try and keep myself busy and keep my mind occupied on other things......hoping everyone has a nice gf weekend.

Posted on:
Sun, 03/09/2017 - 10:14

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary...... ....Day 7 today for me today and one week since i lost yet another crazy amount of money ( which i couldnt afford to loose )  online betting.Sundays were usually a  big gambling day for me as i am home alone all day but not today plan is to   find some films or tv series to watch and try to get the dog out for a long walk (weather is terrible at the minute).Head is still a bit all over the place at the minute and money (lack of) is a worry but know how much worse it would be if i chased , just have to see out the bad days and there will be better  days ahead. Wishing everyone a happy GF Sunday......

Posted on:
Sun, 03/09/2017 - 20:04

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary.......Day 7 almost over done and still gf....... this time last week i had just  lost another crazy large sum of my hard earned money which i could ill afford to loose, one week on and am determind to make that my last ever donation to bookmakers. Know things are going to be hard for the foreseeable furture but feel better equipped this time than i have been in the past, Still feel quite low most days but know things will improve the longer i can stay gf

Posted on:
Mon, 04/09/2017 - 09:03

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary............... Day 8 today and can promise myself today i will not gamble

Posted on:
Tue, 05/09/2017 - 09:34

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary............. Day 9 today, feel as if i am just existing at the minute and not "living", watching every penny and not really getting out much is getting me down a bit but just need to keep telling myself how much worse things would be if i gambled,double figures tomorrow and hoping things will get better as i see my days gf rack up. 

Posted on:
Wed, 06/09/2017 - 08:56

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary.........Glad to report still gf, not been easy these that 10 days with plenty of ups & downs and still finding it hard to let go of money lost but still on the right track and thats where i intend to stay, just trying to take it 1 day at a time and everyday i get through gf is like a small victory.

Posted on:
Thu, 07/09/2017 - 08:46

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

DAy 11...... Lifes a bit of a slog at the minute, but still gamble free and will remain that way at least for today

Posted on:
Fri, 08/09/2017 - 08:25

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary......  Day 12 gf and will remain that way for today nothing much to report, life is pretty dull right now just plodding along but the longer i can stay gf  the better things will become, quiet weekend ahead as no spare cash to do anything, just need to stay positive and stay on the right track.....

Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 06:17

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary.......Day 13 today no urges or thoughts of gambling at all nothing much planned for the weekend, just trying to get through each day still gf, really hoping as the days rack up things will get a bit better for me.

Posted on:
Sat, 09/09/2017 - 08:46

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Keep going Chartom. Yours is one of the few diaries I follow very closely because I have faith you are going to stick this out, day by day. This weekend? I would say relax and be happy and grateful that you've realised, and made a decision, you don't need or have to gamble and you'll wake up tomorrow with cash jingling in your pocket!

What a great feeling. And tomorrow, just re-read this post.

With you shoulder to shoulder Chartom. 

Mixer

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 07:00

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary............ Day 14 today gf, things are still very raw for me still just trying to take it 1 day at a time  and every day is a constant battle but each day i make it through feels like a small victory to me, know things will get better the longer i can stay gf things are tight money wise and a worry but wont add to these by going back need to focus on the future not the past..........hope everone has a peaceful gf Sunday

Posted on:
Sun, 10/09/2017 - 20:54

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary..... Another gf day almost complete. again no real thoughts to gamble mainly due to the fact i know that blocks are in place, still finding it hard to let go of money lost and i know i need to do this to be able to move on properly but finding it hard...... tomorrows a new week and will start it on the right foot bt still being gf

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 20:40

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary...............Day 15 almost done gf and another small victory achieved,still very much eary days for me with plenty of ups & downs just trying to keep busy and my mind on other things. Have had a few small thoughts of trying to claw some money back but quickly squash these and push them to the back of my mind, do feel better equipped this time than in the past.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 21:18

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Chartom - very glad you pushed thoughts of trying to win back money to the back of your mind - CHASING IS FUTILE. 

Day 16 tomorrow - right?

With you here.

Posted on:
Mon, 11/09/2017 - 21:32

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Cheers Mixer...... Yes day 16 tomorrow and one which will be gf that i am sure...... thanks for the support.

Posted on:
Tue, 12/09/2017 - 20:57

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary...... Day 16 almost complete glad to report still gf enjoying the football tonight for what it is and no pressure waiting for a goal, corner, card etc to keep my head above water.... urges come and go but am learning to deal with them better,and try and change my mindset, amount of money lost is still a worry and will remain so for some time ahead but wont add to these by returning to gambling

Posted on:
Wed, 13/09/2017 - 19:11

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary .....Day 17 off out to play pool tonight for my local team, start of the new season and will do me good to get out once a week and meet and talk to other people something i havent been doing enough of because of my gambling (just not the money it has been taking from me),still gf and taking it one day at a time and hoping things get a bit better the more days i can manage to rack up, still do get urges but knowing blocks are in place means they are quickly dismissed.

Posted on:
Wed, 13/09/2017 - 21:23

ALAN 135

Joined:
Before 2009

Hi Chartom :)).

Nice to see some positivity shining through buddy and well done on the 17 day's so far :)) 

The blocks are there to help so keep them high my friend and the urges will get easier with time . I hope you have a good night out with the pool team :))

All the best :))

Posted on:
Thu, 14/09/2017 - 09:01

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Alan, Thanks mate for the continued support, it really does mean alot and a big help to my recovery, i see you are over 2 years gf now great work i hope you are keeping well.

Morning Diary.........Good to get out and socalise last night as hadnt been getting out much recently because of my gambling problem, rest of the team were checking the football scores to see how there bets were doing and asking me who i had backed, just told them i didnt gamble any more as after all this time i finally realised i was no good at it....... anyway on to day 18 today and i will not gamble today

Posted on:
Thu, 14/09/2017 - 10:16

Mixer

Joined:
2016-12-03

Hi Chartom, on Day 18, excellent. 

There's no point checking the football scores from a betting point of view because if you had have won, you'd have gambled it all back anyway. And then lost more! 

You're doing the right thing here Chartom. For you, your friends, your loved ones. All good, one day at a time!

Posted on:
Thu, 14/09/2017 - 20:51

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary......Day 18 almost complete and feeling ok , some days are better than others and plenty of ups and downs but feel like i am on the right track finding that ,posting on here and reading other diarys helps alot and of course the support of fellow gamcarers is also a great help to me.Just need to keep focused and hope to see my gf days mount up.

Posted on:
Fri, 15/09/2017 - 09:06

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary........Day 19 today and one which will be gf, quiet weekend ahead which i  will be spending quality time with family, something i hadnt been doing enough of while in my gambling haze... wishing everone a nice gf weekend

Posted on:
Fri, 15/09/2017 - 22:07

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Evening Diary...... Day 19 almost complete, Saturday tomorrow a day  with plenty of temptation with all the football on but i will remain gf, no doubt i will get some urge to gamble but i know with the blocks i have in place and little money availabe to me  these thoughts will be dismissed.Have to keep focused and believe that with time the longer i remain gf the better things will become.

Posted on:
Sun, 17/09/2017 - 11:37

chartom3

Joined:
2015-03-11

Morning Diary.............Day 21 gf, just back from a extra long walk on the beach with my dog making the most of the great weather this morning where as not so long ago i would have been sat looking at a screen betting large sums (which i couldnt afford) on football matches i knew little or nothing about. Still very much early days for me but starting to feel a bit better about myself but still finding it hard to let go of money i have lost , hope that this will become easier with time, no going back now time to focus on the future.

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