First off all you definitely need to stop thinking about it being better if you were not here. If your thoughts go anywhere near here again call Samaritans or get into see your GP. Tell the receptionist at your GP how you feeling and you will get an appointment.
I 100% understand how bad you feel. I was 48 when I got sucked into problem gambling and despite having a lot more experience than you at dealing with life and a fantastically supportive family I was astonished at how quickly it dragged me into utter despair and some really dark thoughts. I can only imagine how difficult I would have found it at your age.
Please don’t try and deal with this yourself. One thing I have learnt is that letting worries and bad thoughts go round and round inside your own head rarely brings out good decisions and choices. Just talking to someone often makes you realise how irrational some of your thoughts are.
Give the helpline at the top of this page a call and they will help. You need to sort a few practical things out like tightening your blocks up (yes, I found ways around Gamstop as well but then I went back and filled those holes in the barrier) but also need some support to control the urges.
You are not a vile person. We may behave badly when we gamble but that does not mean we are bad people.
Keep posting. I know people keep saying it and it is not meant to be patronising, but you really do have so much life ahead of you and gambling can be something that can just part of your past and nothing to do with your future.
I really appreciate your post mate, i don't feel like 'ending it' so to speak but i just don't feel useful or happy, i feel a failiure, but i believe i'm mentally strong enough to get through this. I agree getting help from friends and family is my best option but it could also be another downfall in my relationships with my family and girlfriend, the trust will be lost. The only person that knows about my struggles is my best mate. The worst part is when i lay there in bed beside my innocent girlfriend and think over and over of the stupid mistakes i have made. That's what i struggle with most trying to sleep at night. Really determined to get through this. Hope you're all ok now pal and if you ever need a chat, pop up here buddy 🙂