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Wife of gambler needs help  

 
Jesso
(@jesso)

Hi, I'm not sure where to start. But my husband has a gambling addiction. He has had it for 20+ years. We have been together for 13 years and stupidly I didnt realise his addiction until 4 years ago. We have always been poor. Struggled to make ends meet even though we are both in well paid employment. Never enjoyed luxuries, rarely have a holiday and when we do he is a grump. Probably because he cant get his fix as easily. We have 2 beautiful daughters aged 11 and 6. The reason I am on here is because today another row over his addiction has occured and i am ready to say cheerio to my marriage.  I've had 'control' over the finances for the past 2 years. It took me 2 years to convince him it was for the best. I got him into an IVA to pay off his credit debt due to gambling which has prevented him from getting credit. It has helped but unfortunately the past 5 months the gambling has reared its ugly head without my knowing until today (thanks to paypal and friends lending money). 

I have now had enough. My husband said I am spending too much money (on our girls birthday parties last month and next month) I am making us poor by paying to go to butlins in February next year and he hates that he earns double of what I earn yet hes not allowed a fiver in his wallet. All of this is screaming that he doesn't fully believe he has an addiction. How are we meant to move forward from this? I love my husband but I do not love being married to a gambling addict. I dont know how to help him anymore.

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Posted : 30th August 2019 9:41 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Dear @jesso

Thank you for coming to the Forum and sharing your experiences.

It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time at the moment and have a lot of emotional and financial pressures. But you are not alone. This Forum is a wonderful source of support from others.

It is really important to get some support for yourself and i am glad you have started to do this by posting on the Forum. We can offer advice, and treatment services to support you, please call our Helpline 0808 8020 133 or the Netline  and you can talk through these one-to-one with an adviser.

This post was modified 3 months ago by Forum admin
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Posted : 31st August 2019 10:32 am
DooleyM
(@dooleym)

Hi hope you are well

I am also a partner of a gambler. Only been together 3 years and found out after the birth of my son who is now only 1. He has been doing it for around 20 years. I feel so stupid i knew nothing. 

His family especially his mkm are no supporr and doesnt believe his problem is that nad and its my fault as i threw him out. 

I suggested controlling the finances well his wages as i work also and manage money well. He lies and makes up excuse for his money. He doesn't bother with his son when i make him leave but is fantastic to us all when he is here. I am so angry and feel like i was duped into a relationship with the person he pretended he was. Do i just let it go. Seems addiction is so hard to beat and iv never really heard or been around a gambler. 

 

How did u persude him to control the money side of things and how have you coped for so long. X

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Posted : 9th September 2019 9:03 pm
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