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Why do I keep letting him do this  

 
Sandy1401
(@sandy1401)

my husband is a compulsive gambler and I keep bailing him out to the point where this month I have not paid my bills, he keeps saying he will change but it is a lie . I threaten to throw him out but I don’t . In ways I know not his fault bu5 he won5 seek help 

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Posted : 21st October 2019 7:28 pm
Alkynat
(@alkynat)

Hi Sandy, I am a compulsive gambler and I can say it is your husband's fault. He has full responsibility for the situation he has put you in the same way I have responsibility for the situation I put my husband in.... 

It isn't fair you are having to suffer like this and your husband has to seek help. You cant bail him out forever and this will put a massive strain on you. 

I think you should seek some support and advice from the helpline and hopefully your husband too will seek the help he needs.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2019 9:41 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Sandy1401 and Welcome.

That is a massive open question. Why do you?..... because you are doing yourself no favours and you are not helping him face reality.

I dont have enough information. Are you safe?...do you blindly love him and suffer this because you are scared to lose him?

You keep bailing him out so his addiction is having the cake and eating it...No more bailouts!..... do you understand?

A gambling addiction is extremely destructive. You have no stability or security living with a gambler. You can only help him if he is ready for help. You can only help from a position of knowledge and strength

You may well need counselling over this. Please phone gamcare and even though this is not your fault there is help for you to see the light and protect yourself.

Best wishes from us all

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2019 10:19 pm
DramaLlama
(@dramallama)

Stop bailing him out. It's not your responsibility, it's his. Until he owns his own problems, he will never get over this. 

You can be supportive in so much as looking after his money on his behalf if you choose to. You can monitor his statements, have his money paid into your account so he has no funds to gamble. You can help him install online blockers so he can't gamble anymore. Setting up passwords and such but so long as you are just bailing him out, this problem will continue. 

I am a grateful recovering problem gambler. If people bailed me out everytime I got in trouble, I wouldn't be here now posting and working on my recovery. 

I hope you contact the Helpline and get some support and advice just for you. 

You can do this! It's hard but it has to be done. 

Take care of you. 

Drama x

ReplyQuote
Posted : 21st October 2019 11:18 pm
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

Hi sandy, the first thing to do is stop giving him money, it's the equivalent to drugs.  We all do this, we all want to help, believe this is the last time. We don't understand that a compulsive gambler can't stop, especially if someone is picking up the bill. Safeguard your finances, bills and food are far more important than debt. He needs to take responsibility. Don't make threats you're not willing to follow through with. He knows you don't mean it. 

Call gamcare, find a gamanon meeting, get support. This is a lifelong problem, this will not go away. 

As said above you can offer emotional support, ask him to go to GA, sign up to gamstop, hand over finances. If he's not ready he will lie and become more secretive, manipulate you into believing one more time. 

This is time to look after yourself, put yourself first, only trust yourself. How much more are you willing to put up with? 

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Posted : 22nd October 2019 9:23 am
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