Why am I so weak?

You're not weak, you're hurting 🙁

I have no idea how to stop the pain but kudos to you for holding your head up high & protecting the children. Love doesn't die when someone hurts you! Shame on him for doing this to you, heaven forbid you washed his jeans :-0 Fool...He's just trying to pick a fight.

How helpful were they on the helpline? Can they give you a bit of guidance here?

Hi... Sorry to hear your pain.. Such a tragedy you have suffered the consequences of a partner with gambling issues.. I too have ruined my life with the same issue.. I'm no expert and don't want to come across as pretending to know the answer.. But you have to think about your own health and your childrens future.. When you look at your partner do you see someone who has it in them to change? How many times have you heard the words sorry? It'll be the last time? I know I've said same things on numerous occasions.. Only to relapse.. You sound at your wits end and I sympathise with you greatly.. Don't let this affect your future anymore than it has already.. The addict has to help themselves at end of day and only great resolve and determination to be a better person will achieve that end...I really hope they see sense and realise that they are hurting all that love them and that serves as a wake up call and stop destroying their life and yours before its too late.. Me? I'm at rock bottom but I've done a lot of soul searching and asked myself do I want this rotten feeling of despair and lack of self worth anymore.. An a resounding no is the answer.. I will change.. And they can too but they must want to... I wish you well going forward.. But you've got to safeguard yourself and children

Hi odaat
All they did was give me numbers but then they finished their shift signed out and I didn't get the contact on time. They basically say he's a problem gambler and when issues arrive he thinks it's his right and he can do what he wants.
We haven't spoken since my post before apart from who's working so the other has to be home. And his jeans.
he has left his daily wages in the house and part of me sees he is trying to prove me wrong but not because he wants us as a unit but to spite me and hold up the vs in protest.

Hi ads.
I've tried my dam nest over the last 6 years, and I honestly believed everytime was the last, I too believed everything he said about exclusions etc, but since I gave him the number we haven't much spoken.

I miss my best friend. And part of me feels breaking up our family over this will damage the children but being sensitive to his addictive personality and staying I can't see it not damaging them, I've noticed my sons hatred for losing his need to be in control.

I hate failing I hate the feeling of an unfinished battle, not succeeding in what I do. But as so many have pointed out its his battle to fight.
I just feel our r.ship is our battle and I have to show willing, how ever I feel it shows how actions acceptable..
Circles.
Circles and more blooming circles.

Err, not what should have happened from professionals & it isn't the norm but I have heard it once before (maybe a bad penny amongst them)! Maybe worth another shot? Can you get to a GamAnon meeting near you? You need proper support & probably to talk to people who understand your hurt & confusion.

You haven't failed & even though it feels like you're fighting a battle, there are no winners in war so don't worry about what may or may not be right. You know him better than anyone, trust your instinct moving forwards & do it the way you want to. If he's left the money indoors, don't sweat what it symbolises, be pleased, smile that he's left it so you don't need to worry about the kids being fed or whether he's going to gamble it.

What I will say is if he can't be a man about what's happened & move forwards then yes, this will be damaging the kids. Just because you guys aren't yelling @ each other doesn't mean they won't notice your sadness or the incivility between you guys.

Maybe try & make a list of what you want going forwards, break it down into what you need & sit on it for a few days to see if it changes much. Once you know your needs you can decide what wants you will accept & tell him you're not prepared to carry on the way you are. Something firm to follow will stop him tugging @ your heart strings & twisting things around when you tie him down for a chat. You can't go on carrying guilt for damage he has caused. Keep posting, try & stay calm & if all else fails, focus on your babies hands, eyes, mouth anything to make you smile & give you strength!

I was talking to the help line about his mums response.
I txt her to out lay I was sorry I'd lied about being busy, am working late. But I wasn't in the frame of mind to play house or see them and lie.

She read the entire message. Replied. I didn't know he never said. Which irritated me more. So I exploded through txt *naught I know but I can't argue f2f anymore*
She read about all the money his addiction stealing lying etc.
Her response. Please work it out, I don't want to see you both hurting.

Her reply has swarmed my brain. I've come to a conclusion.
She doesn't want to say no and turn him away. She wants to pretend she cares. Pretend she is a doting mother with out doing the bk work. I honestly think this.

Try and re-define "love" in your mind. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do for an addict isn't what comes natural and is definitely not easy. I know you love your husband dearly but when he is in the grips of addiction he is not that man. All the energy you (we ... cuz we all do it) trying to make him listen, see, or sorry is falling upon deaf ears at the moment. Your energy would be best spent giving your kids a stable, sane parent who can give 100% to them as your husband is on the crazy train right now.

When we step out of our comfort zone and change how we do things things will start to change.

Breathe 🙂

Cathyx

There isn't any Gamanon meetings I've found close enough yet. But I will keep searching the list for hopes of someone like me.
Instead of trolling Facebook and sending him messages I've come here and read lots of posts, tried to learn and found more sites with information and advice as to how is best to approach him.
I've tried letters and lists before and he has never had the patience for it and becomes irritable. I don't think he ever took accountable for any actions he had as a child or teenager, and this was down to his mother because he looks so much like his real dad.

That is not an excuse. Mine look so much like him and if anything it's made me a little stricter and a little more sensitive to their behaviour, because you can't stop the cycle if you don't cut it early.
I will keep fighting. Ty for your replied odaat.
Thepartner12 = loosing the will

Hi Amom.
I'm definitely trying instead of texting him my mind blurring thoughts I come and read through here.
It's definitely helping me feel less alone and less of a insanity case.
He is my safety, I was very young when we got together and I can see why he said I didn't support him enough bk then, but I'm not that girl, I'm 8 years wiser 8years strong and a mother to two.
If all else fails I will try, and try and try again.

Definitely not talking seems to be hurting me more then him. He stomps round. Leaves for work in a whirl wind.
I know he has addict brain on, but I just wish once he would switch it off with choice. Once I wish he could be me and see for what it is. See what he becomes.

Definitely feeling calmer. But must go wash my face after "sorting washing".. I do alot of washing these days...

I received a message when I awoke, he is taking the kids to do the errands today, how much do I need for last week bills and next week's bills etc..

Is this he knows he has an issue? As he could easily do this all when I'm back at 1 pm.
Or is it just another I can deal alone attempt at not gambling? He wouldn't have to take the kids if he had of self excluded...