It’s a long one but I need to share the full picture!
i have been with my partner for 5 years we have 2 kids together and he has two kids from previous.
He was a ‘ex’ gambler when I met him and had already been to GA meetings, band himself from all bookies and wouldn’t even buy me a lotto ticket.
All was great to start with, first baby came along, which caused serious issues between him and his ex. Who made his life so difficult, used the kids, stung him financially, done anything she could to cause him/me grief. Which was a shock as previous to our first baby coming along everything was fine.
Then babies first birthday came along and we were pregnant again with 2nd baby now 1yo.
I started noticing change, my partner was excessively drinking, before work, whilst walking the dog, drink was stashed everywhere around the house. I confront him and gave him an ultimatum, he came back to me in tears saying he had recently been spending £100s a week on C*****e, I told him to leave, (whilst 9 months preggers)
A week or so went on and he came round for dinner and chat, and I went in to labour and he promised me things would be better.
Months later the drink was the same although I do believe the C*****e had stopped. This cause constant arguments, he couldn’t be trusted to look after kids him self cause I was stressed he was drunk 24 removed link
Eventually I decided to call time on relationship AGAIN. I was at a party with friends and my kids were with my mum where I was staying. I just got home and was in bed with kids when I got phone call from my partners friends he had tried to commit suicide (this year) I got him help and we met with a mental health councillor which is where he disclosed he was gambling £300 plus a week and always has been!(shock) the drinking comes from the loosing when gambling!
He constantly lies, not just to me to everyone about the smallest things. He’s no self esteem i have tried to help him build this up! We argue constantly, even in front of kids, he’s so secretive. I ask him about drinking gambling money anything he flies off the handle and at they points I actually hate him.
We are moving at the end of the month but just seen he was online gambling again and he bet £84 on 11 bets just one day.
He has agreed moving in to the new house his wages will go into my bank but I’m unsure if it’s too late. I have debt in my name i had to get to get by as he’s had no money and my wages pay our house hold bills. Which I’m now struggling to pay back and my credit rating has fell to the bottom which is causing me so much stress. This is now effecting my own future even without him.
Im I wasting my time? He’s a great Dad and I love him but I actually hate him at the same time for doing this to me, the kids and himself.
Any advice or someone who’s been in similar situation I’d love to hear the outcomes.
Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time with you partner.
No one can tell you what is best for your future but it's imperative to protect yourself and your kids from emotional and financial damage .
I spent many years struggling with addiction and swapping from gambling to drink to drugs and sometimes doing all three.
I tried for many years to fight my addictions with blocks and other perceived healthier vices (gymaholic/busyaholic) but these were other ways of self medicating or distractions so I didn't have to feel.
I was absolutely blind to the fact that I had years of repressed and internalized pain/hurt from childhood all the way up to my present day which had not been dealt with. I was also raised as a child where I was not encouraged to be expressive and emotive. I believe that being emotionally illiterate is a key factor when it comes to mental health and addiction problems.
Unfortunately you can't make your partner do anything and if he wants to continue to fight his addictions it's likely to be a rocky road.
This is just my opinion based on my journey and I'm blessed by the work I've put in to tackling the core of the problem that I no longer have any desire to engage in any mind altering substance/activity which I put down to releasing the emotional blockage I had for so long.
Please keep using this site/counselling services for support.