I've split from my gambling partner recently. I thought asking him to leave might be the push he needed to seriously start seeking help. He had already paid off a lot of his debts but it since started again hence me asking him to leave. What was the turning point for gamblers in recovery?
I was already struggling financially to keep a roof over our heads despite him earning double my income! Anyway he's racking up debts again but not paying a penny towards our child. I'm thinking of going through CMS for maintenance. Does anyone have any experience of this? Just wondered how easy the process is with a gambler who has a fantastic income but no money! Perhaps this is not the right place to ask and apologise if it's not. I'm struggling and upset that our child's needs are coming last to his dad's addiction!
Hello Minnie1
Thank you for sharing your story with us on here. It sounds like you have stuck in there for as long as possible but now see that a problem gambler must ultimately take charge of his/her own recovery.
The best help friends/family can offer a problem gambler seems to be trying to avoid feeding the problem further by restricting the problem gamblers access to money and if this is unsuccessful? Giving the problem gambler ultimatums in the hope they awaken and realize the severity of the situation the problem gambling has unfortunately created for both themselves and those around them.
Reading your post it appears you have done your part and have now turned your attention towards both self-care and the care for your child. If you would like further support then don't hesitate to contact the national gambling netline or helpline: 0808 8020 133 we are now available 24/7 and we can refer both problem gamblers and affected others to one-one local treatment and other support networks to suit your needs.
kind regards
Tom
Forum Admin
Hi Minnie1 and welcome to the forum.
That is the big question. What makes gamblers get off the train ride to pure hell and absolute destruction?
That train calls at all stops of desperation on the hellride downwards. Most gamblers create a comfort zone of delusion. Make no mistake...this is not a game about a silly flutter...its a full on drug addiction and mental illness.
Its an addiction that shreds relationships for breakfast because if its destroying the gambler, why would it care about anybody else.
He needs ultimatums and he needs reality checks. The illness creates delusions and it has to be tackled. You tell him again that gambling is not acceptable to you and you will walk if necessary.
You cant help him if he is not ready. Let me explain what being ready is like. A surrender and strange serenity of doing the right thing will wash over him and he will be relieved to be getting help. He must fear respect and show humility for an addiction with complete control over him. He would be fully accepting that all finances are coming through and being controlled by you. He would be relieved that his secret is out and willing to follow the path of respected advice
He has to do some cold turkey and realise that you both can never be complacent about this again. Its not your fault but the tragedy is that is drags you and the family right in.
Some partners walk away and I cant blame them for that. Im not saying he is a bad person. Im saying he is ill and he doesnt realise how ill he is. He thinks he is still normal in some way because the addiction has altered his mind.
You have to protect yourself and your child emotionally and financially.
The turning point for him may be a new rock bottom moment but it sounds as though he isnt there yet and thinks he can handle this. If he doesnt get reality from you he will have his poisonous cake and eat it.
Im afraid he needs waking up to this and its not a pretty process. If he is ready it gets a lot easier. If he is not ready the job may be impossible for now. Its your relationship call.
It can be beaten. I have healed but am never complacent. Gambling is history for me. He can make it history if he chooses a full recovery.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
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