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What do I do?  

 
Louise321
(@louise321)

My partner is a gambler, I don't think he will ever change. I don't mind that he gambles as such because we don't live together I look after myself his money is his mine is mine. However I get such blame and abuse once he has lost, some times he begs me for money and I give in because he makes me feel like a bad person if I don't. I have asked him to try and seek help. But I don't want to leave him I do love him and see he has much potential. But I also feel sometimes that there is no future for us. No home together or holidays that it will always be me providing the nice life and him just gambling away his money. I'm not the type to control someone. I'm just at a crossroads. I'm f*d up of being made feel guilty because I don't want to give him more money and f*d up of getting the abuse that it's all my fault when he looses. When I try and talk to him about it. He says I'm negative and I just feel realistic. I'd like advice from gamblers/ ex gambelers and people that are around gamblers please x

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Posted : 31st May 2019 2:05 pm
Amom_
(@amom_)

Hi Louise

I'm not sure how long you have been together but this will get much, much worse (regardless of the money not being an issue for you) if he does not seek recovery. Compulsive gambling is very progressive.

You don't have to control him (you couldn't even if you wanted to) to make this situation better. You need only look after yourself and not believe the c**P he spews about it being anybody's fault but his own. This addiction rests squarely on his shoulders.

Cathy

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Amom_
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Posted : 1st June 2019 12:37 am
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Louise321

Welcome to the forum.

Whats do you do?

Firstly you dont give him any of your money...not one penny.

Then you tell him that gambling is not acceptable to you. Its the most irresponsible thing to do with money and it creates addicts fast

Dont listen to the gamblers banter about negativity. Compulsive gambling is an addiction and an illness. They dont like being found out or described as what they are.. That is the addiction controlling him

Gambling is a mugs game and a losers game. Problem is that people become addicted to the drug of having a gamble

As an active gambler with a problem he has no potential but the spiral downwards to total ruin. Its got fun things in store for him like bankruptcy homelessness, isolation and total ruin...only you are going to be given the guilt trip all the way down

Ive been a gambler and I wouldnt live with one or put up with the tales of misery dragging me down. Show me the most beautiful woman in the world. If she was a gambler she would be gone fast

Gambling is a drug addiction. If he isnt ready to seek help you cant change him. I suspect youve been bailing him out. Am I wrong?

Im sorry but its ultimatum time and you need to protect yourself. lets see what his feelings are when he cant get a penny from you.

Im not saying he is a bad person but this addiction destroys relationships for breakfast. A gambling addiction just sees you as in the way.

You need to realise the sheer power of what your a dealing with. You may need counselling and some space to breathe.

Its your life and your decision to make

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Joydivider
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Posted : 1st June 2019 8:58 am
Joe-90
(@joe-90)

He is obviously pretty bad, most partners don't become aware of gambling issues until the bills are going unpaid, or worse still when debt mounts up to cover for the gambling.  I understand you love him which is great but unless he seeks help then he has a life of misery ahead. Your only choice is do you want to be part of that. 

You done the right thing seeking advice on the issue. I would look up the nearest GamAnon meeting which is for friends and family of CGs where you will get lots of support. Your partner needs to go to GA, but he has to really want to do this other wise he will be back gambling before long. 

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Posted : 3rd June 2019 5:21 pm
Elljay
(@elljay)

Hi Louise,

Only you can decide H*n but choose wisely. I understand you love him but you need to self care. You are in a good  place as you do not live together so you are financially independent. You are not helping him by bailing him out, do not give him your hard earned cash, treat yourself and save for your future. A compulsive gambler does not think about anyone else only their next bet, the anger is natural and will only get worse the more he loses. You can either support him to get help or get out whilst you can. Personally I would get out before you end up living together and having a family, once a gambler always a gambler and relapses are common even when help is obtained. You should not have to put up with the lies, abuse and false promises. Think of yourself please x

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Posted : 3rd June 2019 9:00 pm
Sarah1976
(@sarah1976)

Hi Louise

he needs to admit he has a problem and until he does he won’t change.  He relies on wearing you down and you giving in So like a toddler who throws a tantrum and you give them a sweet to shut them up.  You are reinforcing or enabling him.  Not your fault.  You love him but he is abusing that.  So I would sit him down and say no more money from me.  Don’t ask.  The answers no.  Let him have his tantrum and then he will make a decision.  You deserve to be happy.  If you want nice things as you work hard that isn’t a crime in fact you deserve it.  Do it when he is calm but just state firmly.  No more money.  Don’t ask me.  Answer is no and then stay firm.  His addiction is dominating him and he can’t take control.  You can help him.  Don’t give in and stay strong.  If he admits he has a problem get him to sign up on here.  Good luck 🍀 

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Posted : 16th June 2019 4:46 am
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