I'm in a bit of a predicament, I made the brave decision to tell my partner how bad my CG has got and she didn't really care. I owe her money but I gambled it away when I got paid the other day I apologised and promised I would get help and I'm not gambling any more. She was more concerned about her money and the fact we made an agreement, which I do understand to an extent but she just doesn't seem to care about helping me work through my problems. I asked her to be in control of my finances and she was just like "yeah, if you want".
I told her everything because she's the one person I thought I trusted and would support me and want to help me to get better but it seems like she's only bothered about getting her money back. It makes me sad and even more guilty than I already feel, I know I've ruined my life but she doesn't seem to care.
Has anyone else had an unsupportive partner and what did you do?
Hi sweet nothing. What a question? You broke your agreement so why would she be sympathetic? It's not ok to not pay your debt to her. You're lucky she gave you that money. My advice would be 'think about your actions and how it affects others'. Sympathy will not make you better. It's not her responsibility to manage your money. To manage money you have to be strong, committed, ready for the blame. This is your addiction, your debt, your mess. Stop passing the blame to her. Own it, admit it. Put blocks in place, gamstop, Gamban. Find a GA meeting and prove that you really want to stop.
I remember when I used to blame others or pretend to myself that others not caring, not supporting or not sharing the burden was the reason for my gambling.
You need to stop gambling. You need to stop blaming others. You need to realise that not everyone will be sympathetic. Sorry, but you need to be told straight. I wish someone had been straight with me many years ago.
Things are tough when you quit, but keep fighting. I have every faith that you will.
She doesn't have to support you if she doesn't want to. She may not even be able to when she's got an overwhelming amount of information and worry to process and deal with herself. I needed all my energy for me when Mr L's actions finally came to light. In addition being too understanding leaves her open to further manipulation and deceit. Youll find support and advice at GA where the other members get it in a way non gamblers never will. Start there. Show her you're serious about what you say.
If you reread your introductory thread, it does explain her attitude. Gambling away holiday money? Mood swings? Gambling away the chance to get on the property ladder? Breaking your present financial agreement? What do you expect?
You can’t take your gambling problem, give it to her and expect her to sort it for you. That’s childish. Is she your mother or are you equal life partners, there for each other, able to rely on each other?
Look at it the other way round. She’s apparently not supporting you, but what is it exactly that you do to support her? In emotional terms? Financial?
As others have said, take ownership and start doing what it takes to help yourself.
CW
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