Unbearable!!!

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(@ausprob)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

Hi,  I've just found out that my son has a gambling problem spoke to his wife this morning which is the first time (although I suspected a few years ago) that it has been spoken about.  She has said it is probably the end of their marriage, which is unbearable enough but they have a young son, my Grandson, to make things even worse they live in Australia so they are so far away.  I haven't had a chance to speak to him yet and I'm dreading it.  I don't want to 'kick off' but want him to realise everything he is losing.  Any advice please....

This topic was modified 3 years ago by Ausprob
 
Posted : 6th July 2021 5:59 pm
(@jess27)
Posts: 129
 

Hello Ausprob,

Welcome to the forum,

It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time. It must be a real worry for you and so hard with your son and his family being so far away. 

I can understand you feeling angry or frustrated with your son, as you can see from the outside the damage he is doing.  If he does have a gambling addiction, this will alter the way he thinks and sees things. 

I would say, yes be firm with him and point out what he is in danger of losing, but try to listen to him too. You might be someone that he can open up to. 

It is a horrible addiction and so hard on loved ones. My husband was a compulsive gambler so I have seen the harm it can cause.  I was so angry with him at first, and still struggle to accept the things he did, but I know now that it is like a drug addiction and once someone is caught up in it, the lose all sense of reality.

Is there anyone that you can talk to, to offer you support? A close friend or family member? You need to take care of yourself too. 

Take care.

J x

 
Posted : 7th July 2021 7:22 am
(@landon)
Posts: 4
 

I can give you advise from the sons perspective.

Personally I wouldn’t listen to anyone, I wanted to do it and the more people pushed the more I just cut out listening and speaking to them. With gambling you need to realise for yourself and hit the ground hard to try and wake yourself up from it.

It is a horrible process but you need to suffer to realise you have a problem as if life is fine, you have everyone around you and food on the table then it’s not really a problem and us as gamblers will not see it as a problem if life carries on. 

for me to realise I had to sit alone with no money and no one to talk to. That’s when I got help and I called my mum after and discussed it with her. I will now turn to her for conversations to help keep me on the right path but it took me hitting the ground a few times before I decided to seek help. 

I hope he does realise soon and it can help you too, just stay strong and be there when he calls. 

 
Posted : 8th July 2021 8:59 pm
(@ausprob)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

Hi Jess

 

Thank you for your reply.  I got to talk to him, he said 'that this time' it was a major 'blackout' he can't really remember why or what he did for the 4 hours after he stole money from his employers.  His wife had told me that in his job before they went into lockdown he had been siphoning off cash on a regular basis but was eventually caught.  He begged her not to say anything to me and she agreed and he said he stopped.  Talking to him he said "when waiting for a train home I would go for a drink get bored and put $20 or $50 in the pokies"  it sounded to me like the drink was just the excuse, as in, if I have a drink it's more acceptable to go into the gaming room?

This most recent event he took about $1500 ? he text his boss straight after and told him what he had done.  Obviously he had to sack him but showed a great duty of care by calling his wife and asking if he was OK after the night before...this was how she found out.

Sorry that's all a bit convoluted but hope you get the idea.

Sadly she has asked him to leave and he is staying with a mate.  I did keep very calm and listened to him but also made it very clear on what he could lose.  He is a permanent resident but not a citizen,  therefore if he gets into trouble with the police he could end up getting deported and never seeing his son again...I think that did resonate. 

I have taken up a lot of your time...which I appreciate.  I also am very aware that he may just be saying things that he thinks I want to hear.  

J x

This post was modified 3 years ago 2 times by Ausprob
 
Posted : 9th July 2021 7:26 am
(@ausprob)
Posts: 3
Topic starter
 

Hi Landon

Thank you for your very honest reply.

I believe you are right about the "if life is carrying on, it's not a problem" I think that is exactly where he has been.

He is now sleeping at a mates and I hope the realisation that he could be deported if he gets into trouble with the police and never see his son again,  I hope will be a big...I won't say "wake up call"...but give him something to seriously think about? 

I kept very calm and listened,  I've taken my phone off 'Do Not Disturb' and said I am here day and night for him.

Thank you again I really appreciate hearing from your side and I hope you are recovering well.

J x

This post was modified 3 years ago by Ausprob
 
Posted : 9th July 2021 7:38 am
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Posts: 5946
Admin
 

Hi @ausprob

Welcome to the GamCare Forum and for sharing your post.

I am sorry you are going through a really tough time at the moment with your son's gambling problem, the distance must be adding to the strain. 

Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or Netline to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.

Helen 

Forum Admin.

 
Posted : 9th July 2021 9:52 am
(@jess27)
Posts: 129
 

Hi J,

 

Thank you for your reply. It must all be a huge worry for you. Hopefully this has given him the wake up call/rock bottom moment that he needs. I really hope so. 

Take care and keep posting.

Very best wishes.

J x

 
Posted : 10th July 2021 7:11 pm

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