What do you do when you are sure someone has relapsed but, when you ask them you are told "have a bit of faith in me please" so you stop asking even when the signs are plain; the mood swings, the shortage of money, the selfishness and the anger....
I feel so conflicted again, telling myself if I don't trust him he will be saying to himself "why try to keep away from gambling" if I'm not believed "I might as well just gamble".
What I think I need to know from people here who know what I'm talking about is how many of you can identify with his philosophy? Does what I've said (and what he has said) make any sense? Sorry if I sound pathetic.
Thank you for listening.
Never confront a gambler. You don't believe them. It's his choice regardless of what you say or do. Don't be fooled into the 'poor me' thinking. trust or faith has got nothing to do with it. The point is if he has relapsed what can you do? Living with a compulsive gambler is difficult and if you don't seek help for yourself you will constantly be wondering. Find a gamanon meeting. Change how you react and think. Does he go to meetings? Have counselling? Handed over finances? Access to money? Joined gamstop? These are things you can see. You have to detach, secure your finances. You cannot stop him. You can offer help and emotional support. No bailouts. If this continues what will you do? This is about you.
Thank you for that Merry go round, that is very helpful and food for thought.
You can't trust him without seeing independent proof all is as he says. Asking you to do so is manipulation. Mr L knows he's still not fully trusted around money. He never will be. He accepts it as a consequence to the way he behaved.
Just as nothing you say or do will stop him gambling, nothing you say or do will cause it. You're not responsible for your gambler's choices. Look after you.
Thank you Lethe, that too is helpful and reassuring. To know I wouldn't be responsible is heartening. He hasn't joined Gamcare although I gave him the number last year and he certainly isn't getting counselling, of that I'm sure. But he has joined a gym and is going at least four times a week so hopefully he is trying to beat it, if he has lapsed and I'm still not sure to be honest. He isn't my partner or husband and we don't live together, just spend time at the weekends. It's the mood swings that worry me, we had this last year when he was at his worst.
But I, like so many others, feel better just coming on here and voicing my concerns and to get feedback is so helpful. Thank you
Hi...you don't sound pathetic. I'm a gambler and I'd love someone to use them words to me...especially someone I care for
I trust you and I believe in you...don't let me down please.
Doesn't guarantee person will stop...but it always helps. It's another reason to "think twice"
Yes Bartosz, that's exactly it, I do believe in him and I know he wants to be strong and get past it. But he is selfish too and not sure he really thinks twice about anything!
But thank you, your words have helped so much too, this is such a helpful site. I'm grateful for all the replies I've had.
I wish you well Bartosz - be strong...
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