Today has been a strange day

My God, I really feel for you. I hope you're feeling okay now. At the end of the day, I think you were right to draw a line in the sand. There's certain lines that can't be crossed and it looks like he crossed it. You've been strong, not just for yourself, but your children as well. 

Thanks the kids are too young to get it but we tried but they didn't really understand. I have set up counselling through talking to this site last night so looking hopeful to that. I don't know if I feel ok because we have been together. He is desperate to return but also is not pressuring me at all. He even offered me money today. What I am finding hard is it's not cut and dry. There is obviously the end but when you have two kids and your in the middle of a pandemic he is on his mothers sofa I just feel being here with us for the day was better. He went back to his mums the girls were with me-does that damage them? So many questions no one can answer 

Hello TG and welcome.

Yes its difficult and I understand but you can not let this be a blind love especially with gambling addiction.

I know the feeling. Its nice to see the good in people but that has been my weakness for a lifetime. I have a so called friend who uses me now when she needs something with a long history of things like keeping/stealing trainers when left at her house and ringing up when she cant get to the shops for something. Im trying to shut it down slowly but I just cant bring myself to hate her.  However I realise its all a bit toxic and the real answers are within me

Thats nothing compared with what you have been through but do you see my point. You have to protect yourself financially and make sure his gambling cant affect you.

You mention fraud which is serious and it makes me wonder how blind to your love you are. You will have to ensure there are no repercussions on you if your name has been involved. Its not your fault but it will be investigated.

Im not saying he is inherently bad. An addiction alters minds and he craves it as a drug addiction. He wont sort himself out until he has reality checks that hit home.

You cant pretend everything is ok but you have no security or future with a compulsive gambler.  I'm sad to say that you will even have to watch your possessions because I wont soft soap you about gambling addicts. We are not relationship counsellors but we do know about the dangers of gambling addiction

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Yes I do it's still all a bit raw and very blurry. You can type on here for ages and never fully tell the whole story. I have sorted the fraud and reported him and he informed me today and showed me has too. It doesnt change it but at least he has done something unfortunately I think blind love made me not dig on that one sooner. I wish I had now but I think you have to be ready and strangely that moment I was. Once you dig stuff comes out. The relief of that and not as I explained to him having to do a deal with a daily load of rubbish is why I have stopped it. I am protecting myself which is most important now. I see that and although I am not in the right place to move on I know I cannot have him in my space daily. 

Hi Two girls,

Thanks for sharing your story. It is heart breaking to see a love one who lies, cheats and manipulate the situations to their advantage, is unforgivable. 

As a gambling addicts, generally, have a deeper motivation of gambling and darker purpose. However, they cannot see the woods through the trees. This may seem obvious from the outside like common sense. From a gambling perspective, it isn't as clean cut as that. 

In my view, you had done the right thing as far as safety is concerned. Just make sure you had alerted authority about this as your name is used for claiming support benefits. 

I hope this helps.

Xoi

Hi All,

Im reaching out on here because i don’t want to tell any more family members or friends threw my experience in life living with a gambler.

We have two children and a dog. 

I got married last year in August and have been with my other half for 11years now.

He has had a problem gambling before but because he doesn’t gamble all the time i thought it was just mad moments i can’t really explain. 

Anyways he has recently told me he has got us in debt 17k over the past two years. Now he has been known to be in 40k debt before and then 11k and now this much. 

I can’t help but think about when he did this last time he made us homeless because he wasnt paying the rent and i had to live with my nan with a 6 month old and a two year old. 

I thought this would of been his wake up call. 

I then let him back in our lives and marry him and he still didn’t tell me the truth before marrying him. 

It was only on the 25th of january that i ask him what he was going to spend his birthday money on i sent him for him to say he had to tell me something and thats when i get told about the 17k debt and that he was going to use his birthday money to pay back some money. 

I then got in contact with gamcare and then phone call from break even to set up counselling. I really hope this counselling works this is the last straw. I look at my husband and i can see this hasn’t effected him as much as it has me. 

I have thrown up because ive been binge eating all my emotions. And he is mentioning stuff like we need a new bbq this year for summer and oh he wants new bedding and i said to him don’t tell me these things bevauae the idea gets put in my head and then i go get what we need. And he know’s this about me and when i told him he said ok i won’t say those things but then when i mention like he could of got all these things he doesn’t want to here it. 

like i said this counselling is the last straw. 

Hi EmmaGibbons123,

Thanks for your story. 

There are many reasons why someone gamblers; they want that rush of dopamine hit; they feel that they want to escape or have sense of adventure. Sometimes, it is not about winning or losing money. As a gambler, some like to keep this private.

Good luck with the counselling.

Xoi

Ps keep posting 

I think my ex of over six years is better off without me even though I love her so much. I'm a gambling addict and kept it all from her. Secrets. Lies. Why should she be with me? If I really cared for her, she is better off without me.

I think that's what he should think too.

People can change, perhaps, not over one night. From a compulsory gambler to a non gambler may varies from people to people, and it also depends on many other factors. The recovery process is priceless in the gambler's eyes. 

Xoi

Have you had your counselling?my first session did help? Your story has similarity to mine. We just get the things needed. He has always been c**P with money so I think this is his 2nd or 3rd time of running up debt. Not even through gambling the first couple.

Sorry meant to say emma g at the top!