I’m here as a last resort..
Me and my partner have been together for 8 years with a year split two years ago.
It became apparent that he had gambled every single penny we had and ended up gambling £34k in one week. Leaving himself £18k in debt. At that point it had been years of stealing money, living with nothing. At one point I couldn’t ever pay our rent. We have a son who is now 6.
After the split he got “clean” he paid off his debt got on his feet and really got back to the person I fell in love with.
We tried again, however 2 years later my world has crashed again.. He had a blip in January this year, I noticed and we blocked all accounts, he promised never again. A few days later he was still gambling again we blocked and tried to move on. I was constantly asking if everything was ok? Was he gambling? I would help, we can do this together. Always told he was fine no gambling.
We started to save everything again and today it’s gone, in the last 3 days he’s spent £5k.
I can’t do this anymore. Our family will be broken again, it’s lie after lie.
I tried to wipe the slate clean, but it’s been 7 years of lies. Thousands lost and I just cannot see how me and my son can ever be in a secure position while in this family.
I'm here for help, I don’t know what to do? I don’t want to ruin my sons family again, but I don’t think I can repeat this for the rest of my life. .
Hello SLMC2314
Thank you for reaching out to our Forum and sharing your journey. It sounds as though you have been through a lot and are feeling at a loss as to what to do next?
Our Helpline Advisers provide a 24/7 service, offering advice, support and options for treatment to those affected by problem gambling. The telephone number is 0808 8020 133. Please give them a ring when you can. You are not alone.
In the meantime, please continue to post on the Forum as I am sure you will receive much support and friendship from fellow Forum users.
Take care of yourself and best wishes
Elaine
Forum Admin
Hi... sorry to hear about your story. I can't imagine what it must be like to have gone through what you describe.
I am also a compulsive gambler. I haven't gambled for a while and I know this to be true, but from your point of view you will never know for sure whether your partner is gambling or not and for me am not sure I could ever carry on in a relationship with that reality.
From what you say, I don't think your partner ever did want to stop gambling, just stop losing. Clearly he didn't block all accounts. But that is a nonsense anyway, because there is always another betting site. New sites are opening every day. Something that helps (to an extent) is for him to register his details with Gamstop and that will close 99% of his gambling accounts.
I think the bottom line is that if you do decide to stay with him, then you must have full control of monies, no joint accounts, protect yourself and the interests of your child. Do what you have to do. Your partner cannot be trusted, no matter how good he maybe with charming you.
You can only go on the information at hand, your partner is obviously a compulsive gambler and he has not really addressed the issue. Stopping gambling is only part of getting help, he needs a true recovery program. Has he attended any GA meetings? If he is not willing to truly change then you are right to leave as while he may stop gambling for periods unless he changes his behaviour then you are going to be back at this point over and over again. I
If he was to seek proper help then you will need to have full access to everything. My partner can see every penny i spend, I never use cash and only use the debit card for our joint account so she can instantly see all the transactions. She has her own separate account. She also has access to my credit score which shows up any credit or debt in my name or even and ones I have applied for. She even has access to my emails. Im almost 2 years without a bet but she still has this level of scrutiny and rightly so as compulsive gamblers get complacent and can easily slip back into gambling mode.
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