I am glad being here is helping you during this difficult time. Don't let anyone make you feel bad or silly for communicating with others here. You need to be able to talk and get how you're feeling off your chest and you have every right to do that.
It sounds like you have a lot to really think about in terms of what you want your future to look like. There is obviously a lot of disturbing behaviours being exhibited by your partner which all point to ABUSE! You shouldn't have to be subjected to that especially when he is the reason why you're here in the first place. He is clearly in denial and as I said previously, he needs a serious wake up call because things will only get worse for everyone involved. I understand you love this man but I also remember you saying that you love yourself and your kids more. Do what you know you need to do. Yes, it is daunting and scary but do you really want to spend the rest of your life living like this? Even a short break for you to do some soul searching and discover what life could be like without him may do you some good. Keep talking here when you need to and focus on the things that you can change and leave him to get to that point when he is ready because it doesn't sound like he's there just yet. Sending lots of positive vibes and strength your way.