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Lily20
(@lily20)

My husband has recently come clean about his gambling addiction. He's had loans in other people's names in the past and he is now under investigation for fraud. As if that isn't bad enough, yesterday I found out he had done the same to his brother in recent weeks.

The aftermath wasn't pretty as you can imagine. After his brother left my husband packed a bag and walked out, not saying goodbye to me or the kids. Normally I text to see if he's ok and ask him to come home, because he is mentally unstable and suffers with depression. This time I didn't care tbh.

Later on I received a message from his dad to say they had found him in a right state and he'd been on the train track.

Today I took the kids to see him at their request and of course that love for the person you fell on love with all those years ago, is stood in front of you broken.

I have told him I need a break from him as I can't take anymore. So he's going to spend a couple of nights each week at his parents to give me breathing space and him some time to try and get his head around all of his issues with his parents support. 

I have been with him since I was 18, and before all of this he was my rock and my best friend. I don't feel I can totally let go, not yet anyway. I now realise I need to do more to protect my finances. I already control the Bill's and have his wages and I am severing the tenancy agreement on the house. I can't afford this place on my own but I am going to ring the bank on monday to see if I have got any options. I am also on our local housing register but I am reluctant to give up my home (after a lot of discussion and heart ache). 

I honestly don't know what to do anymore 😔

Quote
Posted : 2nd May 2020 9:31 pm
Forum admin
(@forum-admin)
Admin

Hi Lily20, 

It sounds as if you have had a difficult time lately. 

I am sure that other members here on the forum will be able to offer some support for you through this. 

I just wanted to mention that you are more than welcome to contact the helpline on 0808 8020 133 or use our Livechat for support with this. Our advisers are here 24/7

Keep posting, 

Rebecca 

Forum Admin.

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2020 9:43 pm
Lily20
(@lily20)

Thank you. I spoke to one of your advisors earlier. You are all a great support 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 2nd May 2020 9:52 pm
Joydivider
(@joydivider)

Hi Lily20 and welcome to the forum.

This is what gambling addiction does to people and I feel for you. 

You have to protect yourself and learn about the sheer power of this drug addiction for that it what it is. 

Your husband will not be doing this with an evil laugh to hurt you. He is an addict with no control over his own mind when it comes to gambling.

However you can only help him from a position of strength and knowledge. That means every penny in your control and the realisation that you cant rely on him to protect the roof over your head.

He needs to be ready to reach out for help and its so difficult trying to give you the words you want to hear because you can never be complacent when dealing with him and he will lose the trust. However thats not about treating him like a baby and you should both see that...its about saving his life and any quality of life for you both

Openess and honesty will help both of you. Some people may need to know of this addiction when getting financial advice

Its not your fault and you should feel no guilt. Equally he should feel no real shame in confessing he is addicted. That addiction will make him commit fraud because he has been driven for a fix.

You know your relationship and I hope you can give him some help but you need to know what you are facing and Im afraid you and the kids come first.

He needs to be out there seeking help and you may need some distance just to protect and level of living you have. Ive been a gambler and I know what it would be like living with one. 

You will have to do every transaction. You NEED ALL the wages from source and the bank account must be in your name only and you need to give him reality checks that gambling is not acceptable to you in any form.

You have to treat this like he is craving a drug...its long past being just about money. Its complex and issues within his soul like depression make him vunerable to gambling as an escape fix which actually destroys him just like any other harmful drug.

I wish you well. With a support network of advice and friends you will be able to make clear decisions

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

 

This post was modified 1 month ago by Joydivider
ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd May 2020 12:54 pm
Lily20
(@lily20)

Thank you for your reply. It's good to hear what it is like from his point of view. I just need him to get some help, which he has just admitted he needs. I hope this is the shock reality he needs. 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 3rd May 2020 1:30 pm
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