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Says he pays the bills, it's just a fun hobby and it's not a problem  

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Antswifey0
(@antswifey0)

I agree he is agreeing to stop you registering on gamstop probably....  He will start resenting you giving him pocket money... and he will find another way if he hasn't already.      He cant help it and he probably is thinking hes ok and can stop if he wanted but he cant.   

It is so good that you talk to each other but please keep guard up. 

He will start resenting you giving him pocket money... he will find another way if he hasnt already.  He cant help it and he probably is thinking hes ok, its just a dark path hes going down and as you have read on this site none of us are ever proud to be a gambler and we all loose..    Please take care. x

 

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Posted : 8th February 2021 11:58 pm
S.A
 S.A
(@s-687)

Hi Jane... I guess its easy for us on the outside looking in, but as a compulsive gambler, iv'e never been able to stick to self-imposed boundaries... It just doesn't happen. What happens when the £60's runs out?? Does he still have your card or have memorised the details and then gets to decide whether "Just another tenna"...

Again and I say this with the greatest respect, but your not in control, he is and that's why he is happy with the arrangement.

I guess the bottom line is this. If you feel remotely uncomfortable about the agreement, then its not ok, its not ok at all. Signing yourself up to gamstop will bring the situation to a close. Job done.

All the best with whatever you decide to do. Your ok 🙂

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Posted : 9th February 2021 7:02 am
Merry go round
(@merry-go-round)

It’s not about being treated as a child. It’s about saving him from his drug addiction.

£60 will lead to £60k.

This is  all on your cards and your credit report, you will be unable to get any credit/mortgage. There are ways to monitor his finances without it being on your cards.

we all don’t think in the beginning how bad it is or how bad it will get. We’ve all been fooled and tried to help. We’ve all been manipulated, lied to. It’s starts small. It’s all persuasion.

he’s relying on you not being wise to his actions. 

 

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Posted : 9th February 2021 9:20 am
Suewoo
(@suewoo)

Gosh your husband sounds exactly like my husband!! Apart from he did rack up some debt behind my back over the years. We both had counselling with Gamcare, he stopped gambling for a while.. Or so he told me, who knows... We moved house, he ended up coming into some money through an insurance payout.. We used some of the money to help with furniture etc and he saved some. None used for gambling. He still wasn't happy, after a few wines one night I said as long as I know about the gambling and the money spent I don't mind you doing it... BIG mistake, he's since got back into a habit of doing it every Saturday and every spare chance he has really, £15-20 a week but on a low income we can't afford this and I feel my kids are missing out, on his time, on the money that could be spent on something else or saved for a holiday, used for a takeaway. He's doing it all in my name too as he's signed to Gamstop for 5 years... I tried to say it's stirring up old memories of the hurt caused, he tried reassuring me, say its doesn't seem fun. He had a bit of a win the first time he was doing it  again to my knowledge and we enjoyed the winnings for Xmas presents but since then he's had more losses and now it feels ugly and selfish. I thought because he had saved money in savings he had it under control but its his whole attitude and behaviour towards me about it if I ask him anything about it. He has overstepped the boundaries at the weekend, I asked him to use the £20 he won on a horse race to pay for the next Saturdays football bet or gambling allowance but he didn't acknowledge me and then spent it along with going on the sites on Monday night when we agreed Saturday only, I was tending to 2 of my children, one a baby and the other a teen that needed medical help and it resulted in me driving around to a chemist at 10 pm while he just went off to bed... So insensitive. Its made me realise, I don't deserve this, I'm trying to sign up to Gamstop in my name today, they ask for supporting documents but didn't confirm its in hand, so need to get it sorted. My other half says I'm not suffering but I am, he's not me. Take charge of your own feelings and if you vape that's fine, that's not making him feel uncomfortable is it?! I have £50 a month to put away for my hair and other things that he and I know is not wasted... Its not hypocritical. My husband had £15 gambling, £12 for cigarettes then another £14 for tobacco all in 2 days plus spent the £20 winnings, enough is enough for me, I've always tried to keep him happy but he's been no happier towards me doing it and he's started being secretive again. I used to be scared of the future, I'm not now. What will be will be but you have to live your life in a way you are comfortable and happy with eachother or resentment sets in. Good luck, here if you want to talk more. 

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Posted : 10th February 2021 8:51 am
Pep1952
(@pep1952)

Hi Jane

He must not gamble at all. Not even flip a coin. He is a compulsive gambler that’s why he’s on Gamstop. Get on gamstop yourself. A drug addict can’t have a bit of drugs every now and then. No compulsive gambler has ever said they successfully overcame the addiction by having a bit of a gambling allowance. Having said this, he should want to stop gambling himself. You can’t force him because he’ll always just find a way. In the mean time, protect your self and your own finances.

Pep

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Posted : 10th February 2021 8:34 pm
Violet21
(@violet21)

Hi Jane

I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. It is very difficult being in a relationship with a gambler.

I hope you find the site helpful for support. I think you are aware there is a problem. I also don’t think that you are that comfortable with setting limits or you wouldn’t feel uneasy be asking what people think.

I’ve seen it written a lot here, but you have to protect yourself. Don’t let him use your cards etc for gambling. If it could be easily controlled, it wouldn’t be an addiction.

Use the forum and the support available. It’s important to talk and look after yourself.

It’s not always like for like - I doubt your vaping is affecting him. You need to be clear about how his gambling is affecting you and why it is a problem.

 Wishing you all the best 

 

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Posted : 11th February 2021 12:59 pm
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