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Pregnant and have young son - husband keeps losing our family money

 
Rose27
(@rose27)

Hi all,

A few months ago I found out my husband was a gambling addict. He told me that he’d gambled away £7000 of his own loans and credit cards. He was very remorseful and wanted to quit. 
We worked together to create a repayment plan, he said he was going to cut back gambling but “couldn’t stop altogether” and we used £2000 of our joint account savings to pay off his overdraft.

I thought everything was on track, but I found out today that he relapsed and has spent the whole of that £2000 to gamble again.

Again, very remorseful and saying he is an evil person and wants it all to stop, but I feel like an idiot.

I’m 4 months pregnant, and have a 2 year old son with him. We live in a house that we have a mortgage on together. I’m a very hard-working person and have my own savings. I want our family to be out of debt but I don’t want to have to give him my hard-earned money, only for him to blow it all and lie to my face as he has done before.

I feel like I should be leaving him, isn’t that what I’m supposed to do??? I obviously don’t want to, I want my family to stay together and I want to keep our house. Will he just do this all again? I just keep thinking about how bleak my future is with him, and how well never be able to do nice holidays or things together as a family as my husband is so in debt and can’t afford to do anything. I feel like I have to live a life of debt and misery now even though I work hard and save money myself. My children will also have to live this life of debt as well and they do not deserve that.

 

 

What on earth am i supposed to do?????

Quote
Topic starter Posted : 3rd August 2022 11:21 am
Jess27
(@jess27)

Hello @rose27 and welcome to the forum.

I'm so sorry to read what you are going through.  You're not alone. You will receive advice and support here. The advisers are also very helpful if ever you want to give them a call. 

However you decide to proceed with the relationship, you need to look after yourself and your son first and foremost. Make sure your accounts and savings are secure. Change any passwords that your husband might know so that you are secure financially. As difficult as it is, try not to bail him out and don't pay off his debts. He needs to take responsibility for those. 

There are steps that your husband can take, such as downloading blocking software if he gambles online, or excluding himself from local betting shops. He can also hand over control of his finances to you, so that he has no access to money. The real issue is that your husband has to be ready and willing to stop gambling in order to succeed. He has to be totally committed.  He will need to give up gambling completely. Cutting back never really works as even a small amount of gambling can escalate over time.

Gambling  is a horrible, cunning addiction and living with a compulsive gambler can be really tough. It is possible for someone to 9vercome the addiction and live a healthy, happy life, but they have to be fully committed to recovery. 

Can you sit down calmly with your husband and tell him how you are feeling, explaining that you can't go on this way?  

Whatever you decide to do, you and your young family have deserve to live a happy life. 

Take care and keep posting. 

This post was modified 2 weeks ago by Jess27
ReplyQuote
Posted : 4th August 2022 10:34 am
Diamond22
(@diamond22)

I feel your pain. I went through this when my Son was 2. Finding out that he had gambled an obscene amount of money and not just from his accounts either. But we somehow managed to get through it although i had control of all the money for the important bills. He lasted 12 years without putting a foot wrong and only recently found out he'd started back up again. So I understand where you are coming from. Its easy for people to say just leave him but it's not that simple. You have children together, you have a mortgage together. 

The only advice I can give you is to communicate. Try and get him to talk to someone. Set rules for him to follow before you will discuss the future. So far I have asked to see my Husbands credit file app monthly. I want him to pay debts off in front of me and I want him to talk to someone. He has also put a block on his phone for gambling sites. Oh and I also got him to tell his Step Dad what he had done. (His parents passed away a couple of years ago) I want him to feel ashamed of what he's done and to never do it again. 

I completely understand the feeling you describe of how you see your life in the future if you do stay with him. Always in debt, trust issues, always wondering where he is or what he is doing on his phone etc. Just make sure you protect your money and your kids money too.

All the best for whatever you decide. 

 

ReplyQuote
Posted : 5th August 2022 8:36 pm
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